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Broke up 3 years ago, started again last year and now he's following me on my travels

Clueless88

By Clueless88
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Clueless88 New Member

Clueless88

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I don't even know why I'm writing on this, I usually just go with my gut but I guess this us the first time ive bin clueless in my life. I fell in love 4 years ago when I was 20, he was 21. I knew when I seen him I felt something. I asked around and he made the next step by getting my number, standard procedure! We fell in love almost immediately, lettin all the links of summer love fall into place.. At the time I had to admit I was immature, had a LOT of domestic issues going on at home. He also had his fair share if issues, his parents breaking up and he had a jealous streak over me. The fights were multiplying and a few days after my 21st birthday, he broke up with me by phone txt..! A year and a half and I got dumped by txt. Distraught wasn't even close to how I was feeling :( he was the first person I loved and couldn't believe he'd do that to me. He got real abusive with texting and ringing my phone after the break up, so much that my dad txt him asking him to leave me alone. So he did, kinda. I received one txt every single month for the next year up to my next birthday. I always remember thinking that maybe he knew he made the wrong decision, that's why he was ringing me. But the damage was done. It was the worst year of my life, but I am very proud to say I did not reply to any of these jealous texts. It's wat he wanted. He wanted to have a hold on me again and I wouldn't let him. So still broken hearted I lived my life through 2010 and come early 2011 I decided that I'd save money to go to Australia to travel. I started thinking about him a lot in early 2011. I guess I had matured and wanted to leave on good terms before I travelled, so one month wen he rxt me I decided to reply to him, feelings nostalgia and love came flooding bac to me, but I didn't let him know just yet. There was no closure at the break up so I had questions to ask him! Like why? Why by txt? Why couldn't u respect me an say it to my face? He was so sorry and apologised millions if times, he cried and cried sayin it was the worst mistake of his life,he said he always loved me and that the fights were too much for him to take. This was last July and so wat could I do but forgive him? I can forgive but I cannot forget. At July I had 10 months before I'd leave for Australia. So we were back on talking terms and it was great :) talking about old memories and stories before I knew it we were bac in love again, this time it was different, mature and more positive. We're back being a couple now for the last 6 months. And another thing which is really confusing me is that since we start meeting bac in july, when im Out drinking and dancing I've kissed around 5 different men, I do this wen I'm drunk and I absolutely HATE IT!! I adnitted i kissed 2 men to him, he forgave me. I know myself I will never do it again, but wen I ask myself why do I do it, I think it's sub consciously trying to get my own bac on my ex?He was horrible to me and now I'm getting my own back? As sober I know this is not the way the world works and morally it's the wrong thing to do.

I'm in Australia now an my boyfriend booked his flight for two weeks. I'm happy and sad about this, happy obviously because I get to see him and I miss him, sad because I planned this year away to find MYSELF and to do my thing, now he's coming over I guess it has to mean something right? I mean everything happens for a reason? I'm questioning myself now and thinking is this my soulmate? Are we meddling with fate? Maybe he's coming over for the right reason meaning that I'll always stay faithful to him and not go astray? I love his heart, I love his soul and I can still see the man I wanted from the first time I set eyes on him. A little part of me will always hate the way he broke my heart, i cant hold grudges though. But wat am I to do? Can anyone relate to me?

Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted

Learn to format.

 

I'm in Australia now an my boyfriend booked his flight for two weeks. I'm happy and sad about this, happy obviously because I get to see him and I miss him, sad because I planned this year away to find MYSELF and to do my thing, now he's coming over I guess it has to mean something right?

So why don't you tell him this.

 

I mean everything happens for a reason? I'm questioning myself now and thinking is this my soulmate? Are we meddling with fate? Maybe he's coming over for the right reason meaning that I'll always stay faithful to him and not go astray?

Saying that 'everything happens for a reason' is a way to relinquish responsability for our actions.

There is no fate, you make your own fate.

Doubtfull you will remain faithfull to him, you haven't even told him all the times you cheated on him.

 

I love his heart, I love his soul and I can still see the man I wanted from the first time I set eyes on him. A little part of me will always hate the way he broke my heart, i cant hold grudges though. But wat am I to do? Can anyone relate to me?

 

Relate, maybe ... a bit.

 

I hate it when ppl say 'i went there to do soul-searching' or 'to find myself'.

If you are the center of your own reality, of your own Universe, why do you need to move half-way around the world to 'find yourself' or to do 'soul-searching'.

Face it, the move was all about trying to get away from this drama, to put it out of your mind back home, that was ALL of the soul-searching you wanted.

 

Read up on GIGS, you might find something you can relate to.

I also think you had unresolved issues with him, the way you had to cut him out of your life.

Your cheating is a way for your own subconscious mind to sabotage your relationship with him because even though you wrote all these 'wonderfull' things about him, never once did you say you found him HOT.

Not to mention the fact that you drink to lower your inhibitions and put to sleep your moral guardian, so you can cheat.

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted (edited)

She drinks to tolerate the pain, not to cheat or lower her inhibitions. FYI if you read the story, you would have seen he GIGSed on her first.

 

Look at your own post, you are telling someone what to do, how they should feel, according to your own life views, why not empathize and accept her actions and let her be her.

 

She wants to move half way around the world, wish her luck?

Edited by wilsonx
Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
She drinks to tolerate the pain, not to cheat or lower her inhibitions. FYI if you read the story, you would have seen he GIGSed on her first.

 

Look at your own post, you are telling someone what to do, how they should feel, according to your own life views, why not empathize and accept her actions and let her be her.

 

She wants to move half way around the world, wish her luck?

 

No, she drinks, and then she cheats. It is to lower inhibitions, to let her subconscious to the surface.

I don't know if he GIGSed on her or not, i honestly think he was just scared [she mentioned jealousy], which would go hand in hand with the way he broke up with her.

 

I never told her what to do.

 

And she already moved half way around the world.

He is coming to her, and she is distraught over it.

Gulf-Delta Established Member

Gulf-Delta

Posted
Posted
Learn to format.

 

 

So why don't you tell him this.

 

 

Saying that 'everything happens for a reason' is a way to relinquish responsability for our actions.

There is no fate, you make your own fate.

Doubtfull you will remain faithfull to him, you haven't even told him all the times you cheated on him.

 

I love his heart, I love his soul and I can still see the man I wanted from the first time I set eyes on him. A little part of me will always hate the way he broke my heart, i cant hold grudges though. But wat am I to do? Can anyone relate to me?

 

Relate, maybe ... a bit.

 

I hate it when ppl say 'i went there to do soul-searching' or 'to find myself'.

If you are the center of your own reality, of your own Universe, why do you need to move half-way around the world to 'find yourself' or to do 'soul-searching'.

Face it, the move was all about trying to get away from this drama, to put it out of your mind back home, that was ALL of the soul-searching you wanted.

 

Read up on GIGS, you might find something you can relate to.

I also think you had unresolved issues with him, the way you had to cut him out of your life.

Your cheating is a way for your own subconscious mind to sabotage your relationship with him because even though you wrote all these 'wonderfull' things about him, never once did you say you found him HOT.

Not to mention the fact that you drink to lower your inhibitions and put to sleep your moral guardian, so you can cheat.

 

The people who say they need to "find themselves" are usually immature people who need to do exactly that, whether that's what they meant or not.

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted

People that go through GIGS dont need to read the GIGS thread. We know what it is.

 

People that leave a relationship to find themselves actually are very mature. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that had no idea who they are, what they want, what they need, etc.

 

Do you?

Gulf-Delta Established Member

Gulf-Delta

Posted
Posted (edited)
People that go through GIGS dont need to read the GIGS thread. We know what it is.

 

People that leave a relationship to find themselves actually are very mature. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that had no idea who they are, what they want, what they need, etc.

 

Do you?

 

I disagree. Running away from feelings, avoiding people, dropping committed relationships, friendships, families, dropping real life things for superficial and artificial "fun" are not the signs of a mature person. It's a ****ing up of priorities, nothing more. People who think getting drunk and acting like a teenager is more important than stable jobs, security and relationships (romantic and platonic), etc are the farthest thing from mature.

 

Of course this all depends on the person going through GiGs I guess, but overall, the above is true.

Edited by Gulf-Delta
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wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted (edited)

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that had no idea who they are, what they want, what they need, etc.

 

Do you?

 

AGAIN, you disagree with this?

 

You were in a relationship with a 22 year old girl, of course she was immature.

 

You made the choice to be in a relationship with an immature person in the first place. You are 50% responsible for 100% of the breakup.

Edited by wilsonx
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