somedude81 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I know you didn't intend it to be so, but... :lmao: Of course I did I know how to use self-deprecating humor.
USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I don't know about you Hoke, but in the Asian American circles I'm around, accomplishment is a ridiculous thing. I have a degree from a Top 25 school, a Masters degree, and soon another, and I feel like a COMPLETE slacker. More than half the people I know went to Ivy League schools and many of them are doctors and investment bankers. Not that I play that game or want to be in that crowd, but still... It's bad. Haha. I have heard this exact same thing about thems Asians...and it explains why my parents were initially so pissed at my career choice after the over-education I went through...but it makes sense. That's why rooms full of Asians make me start shaking...they're so f'in weird...
joystickd Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It's interesting how everyone jumped to the usual conclusion that the OP was expecting Rich Super Model Athletic Man so wouldn't lower her standards. Playing devil's advocate here -- what if she wasn't up to the standards of men in her area? Maybe she isn't particularly desirable or attractive. You will never know. Food for thought... There are men out there that want her but more than likely she is focused on a select few men and is angry because they don't want her and she totally ignores men that are available. She ignores them because she believes they are not on the same level as the guys she wants. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It's interesting how everyone jumped to the usual conclusion that the OP was expecting Rich Super Model Athletic Man so wouldn't lower her standards. Playing devil's advocate here -- what if she wasn't up to the standards of men in her area? Maybe she isn't particularly desirable or attractive. You will never know. Food for thought... True, or once was desirable or attractive and is now less so. I speculate that this is common as women progress through their 20's and into their 30's. Especially during college, women will receive plenty of male attention (not necessarily quality attention) and begin expect a certain level of attention and a certain level of man attached to that attention. As they age and they fail to keep up with improving their non-physical qualities (the ones that men supposedly care about as they get older), the levels of male attention begin to drop, and they are left in the dust with the "da' f*ck" look on their face: . This is all just a perception that there are no right men out there. This perception comes from the drop in what the woman expects, based on her younger years, in terms of the quantity and quality of male attention. Like I've said countless times, it's all about expectation management. And she ain't no spring chicken anymore... But I merely speculate... 2
ColoredBlack Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 She’s met so many losers because there are very few normal men who are over 30 and single. There are very few single men over 30 at all. I’ve said before that I’ve literally met two single men over 30 this year. I’m not kidding. Both were losers. I don’t even see single men my age from a distance. They are always with a girl, have on a wedding band, and/or are pushing a stroller. Most of us (women over 30) aren't rejecting nice guys or getting rejected by men who want younger women. We simply aren't meeting single men at all (and when we do it's clear why these men are single). I know so many awesome single women over 30 (who can barely get dates at all). I'm not sure why there are so few awesome single men the same age. Well you all probably shouldn't have dated a bunch of losers in your 20s like most women in their 20s do.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 In my early to mid 30's and still single. It sux that it is so hard to find a decent guy these days. All the ones I seem to meet turn out to be players or jerks. No matter where I meet them. Get pretty down about it at times. Especially when I see most people around me getting paired up lately this year. Maybe I am cursed or something... You're another middle-aged dame standing in her own way. If you see a guy you're attracted to, get your butt over there and tell them. Stop this silliness about no decent guys out here. There are way too many to even count!
motive2002 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Because she said all she meets are players and jerks, which from my experience means she's attractive enough to pull guys, she just can't get the ones she wants. :lmao: Reading that statement there's a lot to consider: Women can bed men of higher attractiveness scale than themselves simply because a lot of guys will go for what they think they can nail straight away. What happens then is an average chick, thinking that since she can bang a hot guy figures she should be able to land one.. or find a "decent" one or whatever. Her perception of what her "market value" is skewed simply because some of these hot guys will screw her. I got news for ya. A lot of men will dip below their standards to get a piece, and no surprise when the guy never calls back. It's an over-inflation of expectation that leads women like the OP to believe that there are no good ones left. There are plenty of good, honorable men out there that would probably really like to have a chance, but all the "alpha" douchebags get first pick of everything in their path. Or another angle is simply this. If all the OP can find are "players" then your picker is off. If the guys that are tremendously handsome turn out to be players (no surprise there) maybe that should be your first clue. Maybe they aren't overly handsome just incredibly charming. Again that may be a red flag. This raises another good point brought up in the thread. Maybe someone like the OP should be a little more aggressive in talking to men. Some of the greatest guys can actually come a bit more socially awkward package. Not all of us men are dripping with charisma and so forth. The right guy could be right under your nose, but he's not stinky enough like the "players" for you to even notice they are there.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 There are men out there that want her but more than likely she is focused on a select few men and is angry because they don't want her and she totally ignores men that are available. She ignores them because she believes they are not on the same level as the guys she wants. Possibly. I recently rejected two men who were close to my age because it was obvious they weren't looking for anything serious. Even though they both said they were looking for a relationship, the fact they couldn't make it past the first phone call or date without the sexy talk indicated otherwise. The one guy who was respectful, intelligent, over the top in education and accomplishments and seemed nice (albeit, rather lacking in sense of humor) is more than 10 years older than me. I rejected him mostly because of his age ( I don't date men more than 5 years older) and also because he has a 12 year old kid. *shrug* So, yea. I'm sure I could find someone if I was willing to date much older. But I'm not.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 This raises another good point brought up in the thread. Maybe someone like the OP should be a little more aggressive in talking to men. I used to believe in this... but no more. All of the men I've come across where I made the first move assume that I'm 'easy' or down for a quick-poke. It's obvious from the way they respond. They move forward quite quickly on the sexy-talk... even when you tell them that's not what you are looking for, they have a hard time taking a hint. Then it is out they go. Really is a shame.
joystickd Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I will say this again: Where do go to get approached by or meet these men?
grkBoy Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It's interesting how everyone jumped to the usual conclusion that the OP was expecting Rich Super Model Athletic Man so wouldn't lower her standards. Playing devil's advocate here -- what if she wasn't up to the standards of men in her area? Maybe she isn't particularly desirable or attractive. You will never know. Food for thought... I think it's more interesting to note that the OP hasn't been back to reply to this topic. Your reply though is why I tried to calmly ask for details on what guys she's pursuing and perhaps ask if her set "standards" or "this is my type" has been leading her only to the playas she was complaining about? I do find it amusing how fast this topic went into the usual debate and anguish. 2
El Brujo Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It sux that it is so hard to find a decent guy these days. All the ones I seem to meet turn out to be players or jerks. Maybe I am cursed or something... No, you're not cursed... my guess is that you're sitting and waiting for them to find you. As long as you keep doing that, of course you're going to meet players and jerks. You need to break the rules and make the first move. If you see a guy somewhere and he looks like a keeper, go get him. This is the USA, not Bolivia. No guts = no guy.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) I will say this again: Where do go to get approached by or meet these men? Everywhere. One of them was through a friend. Second was at the local Starbucks. The third was while gassing up my motorcycle near the Starbucks I mentioned... in a very nice part of town. None of them approached me in any way that was even remotely sexual. If they did, I wouldn't have given them my number. Anyway, I'm not taking any of these men's poor behavior personally. If they feel the need to act like clods, that is their problem. Not mine. My observation is that men over a certain age just think they are way too clever and think a woman is going to believe he's looking for a relationship just because he says so... Or, they are paranoid of being put in the friendzone and feel the need to push boundaries ASAP. Either way, it isn't attractive. All of the men I meet in my other activities (volunteer work, political fundraisers, etc) are all married. I have been hit on for affairs in that bunch. Edited June 23, 2012 by RedRobin
boytoy Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) I completely disagree with everything you say, I am out of this thread. OP - I am sorry for threadjacking. Eternal Sunshine - I know it hurts, and I know he is being a dickhead in saying it the way that he is, but he is unfortunately absolutely right. Shutting your ears out to what he is saying does not make it less true, so you might as well face up to it. How do I know? Given your listing of criteria, I am basically your dream man. I meet ALL your qualifications, and in fact I exceed most of them by quite a large margin. I am 30, and as my success has become more and more apparent, I find myself now able to date (with the intention of LTR/marriage) women who are brilliant, kind, loving, deep, fun, and YOUNG (early/mid 20s). Why would I sacrifice the last adjective in this list if I don't have to? It's obviously not the only important one, but it certainly is important nontheless, as I am hormonally/physically programmed to feel more intensely for youthful women, and I certainly want to start my relationship with the eventual mother of my children feeling as strongly about her as I can. Its not that I don't value you, its just that faced with a choice between you and a 10 year younger copy of you, I prefer the latter. Please understand!!! I find myself wanting to have sympathy for you, and I do, but it is moderated. The reason? Even though I don't know you personally, I can't help but suspect that I know why you are single. I could be wrong, but I suspect it nontheless. What is my suspicion? You turned down great men when you were younger, because you were unreasonable, and now its too late. I myself was turned down, rejected, and mistreated over and over and over when I was younger and less established, all by women who now regret it, and are now unhappy in relationships much like you are. I am in touch with many of them, and a couple of them have straight up said that to me, apologized for rejecting me, admitted they made a huge mistake at the time, and as they were approaching their 30s threw themselves in my bed in an attempt to win me back. But its too late, their mistakes have been made, and I now have better options. I'm sorry, but in life their are consequences to the choices we make. Now that weve discussed how you got here, what advice can I give you? Well, unfortunately many men are programmed to value looks more highly than accomplishment in women. You are unlikely to find a man who meets all your criteria at this point. You need to compromise heavily on some of the criteria, or risk ending up alone. Either you settle for a man who is as successful and established as you, but is significantly less good looking, or you find a man who is about as good looking as you, but significantly less successful. At your age, you can't have it all. That ship has sailed, and my guess is that you were there and allowed it to leave. Edited June 23, 2012 by boytoy 2
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Eternal Sunshine - I know it hurts, and I know he is being a dickhead in saying it the way that he is, but he is unfortunately absolutely right. Shutting your ears out to what he is saying does not make it less true, so you might as well face up to it. How do I know? Given your listing of criteria, I am basically your dream man. I meet ALL your qualifications, and in fact I exceed most of them by quite a large margin. I am 30, and as my success has become more and more apparent, I find myself now able to date (with the intention of LTR/marriage) women who are brilliant, kind, loving, deep, fun, and YOUNG (early/mid 20s). Why would I sacrifice the last adjective in this list if I don't have to? It's obviously not the only important one, but it certainly is important nontheless, as I am hormonally/physically programmed to feel more intensely for youthful women, and I certainly want to start my relationship with the eventual mother of my children feeling as strongly about her as I can. Its not that I don't value you, its just that faced with a choice between you and a 10 year younger copy of you, I prefer the latter. Please understand!!! I find myself wanting to have sympathy for you, and I do, but it is moderated. The reason? Even though I don't know you personally, I can't help but suspect that I know why you are single. I could be wrong, but I suspect it nontheless. What is my suspicion? You turned down great men when you were younger, because you were unreasonable, and now its too late. I myself was turned down, rejected, and mistreated over and over and over when I was younger and less established, all by women who now regret it, and are now unhappy in relationships much like you are. I am in touch with many of them, and a couple of them have straight up said that to me, apologized for rejecting me, admitted they made a huge mistake at the time, and as they were approaching their 30s threw themselves in my bed in an attempt to win me back. But its too late, their mistakes have been made, and I now have better options. I'm sorry, but in life their are consequences to the choices we make. Now that weve discussed how you got here, what advice can I give you? Well, unfortunately many men are programmed to value looks more highly than accomplishment in women. You are unlikely to find a man who meets all your criteria at this point. You need to compromise heavily on some of the criteria, or risk ending up alone. Either you settle for a man who is as successful and established as you, but is significantly less good looking, or you find a man who is about as good looking as you, but significantly less successful. At your age, you can't have it all. That ship has sailed, and my guess is that you were there and allowed it to leave. Ok. So we'll be 'alone'. Big deal. men who value looks and youth over everything else are horrible partners anyway. No loss. 2
Algermas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ok. So we'll be 'alone'. Big deal. men who value looks and youth over everything else are horrible partners anyway. No loss. That doesn't mean much from a woman who can no longer attract such a man. I see it all the time from men who work dead end jobs, oh those really hot girls? No no, I love my girlfriend - more woman to love. Because they can't get smoking hot girls.
boytoy Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ok. So we'll be 'alone'. Big deal. men who value looks and youth over everything else are horrible partners anyway. No loss. You clearly didn't read what I said. Not "over everything else," but alongside everything else. I care at least as much about a woman's intelligence and character as I do about her looks. It's just that I can get all simultaneously, so there's no sense in compromising. Understand? 2
FitChick Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'm wondering where these disgruntled men live if their local women turn into hags and fall apart when they turn 30. Appalachia? North Dakota? Mississippi? Maybe these guys are equally toothless and fat. You need to move! There are lots of desirable, gorgeous women over 30 in all major US cities. A lot of them date rich, successful men their own age or (gasp!) younger. Shocking I know! Does anyone think Algermas is GoldPile come back from the dead? Or maybe this guy? 2
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'm wondering where these disgruntled men live if their local women turn into hags and fall apart when they turn 30. Appalachia? North Dakota? Mississippi? Maybe these guys are equally toothless and fat. You need to move! There are lots of desirable, gorgeous women over 30 in all major US cities. A lot of them date rich, successful men their own age or (gasp!) younger. Shocking I know! Does anyone think Algermas is GoldPile come back from the dead? Or maybe this guy? It's just a myth cooked up by unsuccessful men in their 20s thinking they will get some measure of revenge against the women who rejected them. As a man in my 30s, I know the real reality. That most attractive women in their 30s end up with the men they wanted, and that those who are still single are still attractive enough to be plenty picky. Good for you guys, I guess?
FitChick Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I rarely dated at all in college or in my twenties because no one asked me out. In my thirties, I dated someone famous who was recently featured in Vanity Fair (much to my surprise when I turned the page). Many years after that (I was "middle-aged") one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive chatted me up and flirted with me. I was so rattled by his attentions that I ran off muttering, "I'm late for a meeting" as he uttered, "Would you like to go ...?" I was absolutely terrified! He was eleven years younger and stone cold sober, by the way. I dread ever running into him again for fear he'd remember me as the only woman who'd ever turned him down. Don't get your knickers in a twist when people on LS try to wind you up. Their view/experience of the world tends to be somewhat limited. 2
somedude81 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I rarely dated at all in college or in my twenties because no one asked me out. Be honest, is that really the truth? Or did the men who ask you out not count? If that is true, then what were you like when you were in your 20's? Physically, mentally, socially.
StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 i feel your exact sentiment girl. the sentiment of being outragely picky and wondering where have all the good man gone? lmao.
StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Be honest, is that really the truth? Or did the men who ask you out not count? If that is true, then what were you like when you were in your 20's? Physically, mentally, socially. some men don't count. balding men. shy men. fat men.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) I was never asked out in my early 20s and had literally NO options. I have more options now than I ever have; doesn't mean they are good options - just that they beat nothing which I got when I was supposedly at my best. I also have zero regrets over all the men I rejected. If I saw them today, I would reject them all over again Edited June 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Civility and respect 2
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