villageman Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Hi all, First time post here. I'm a 30 year old man, and my girlfriend dumped me about 4 months ago. I had it coming, I wasn't a great boyfriend. (just trust me on that, if I gave you the details, I'm pretty sure you'd agree). Anyway, a lot of breakup advice that I've read has said that in order to really get over someone, you need to think about all of the things about that person that weren't so great, to remind you of why you're better off without them. I don't really have those things though. My girlfriend was amazing. I didn't fully appreciate that until it was too late though, and I wasn't very appreciative of her for much of the time we were dating. It's crazy, because in addition to being kind, funny, selfless, clever, etc, she was also drop dead gorgeous... like the kind of gorgeous that makes men stop in their tracks when they're walking down the street (i actually saw this happen with her several times). She treated me fantastically, even when I wasn't all that nice to her. Anyway, I had some growing up I needed to do. I haven't had many serious relationships, and it took the end of this one for me to really think and realize what a healthy relationship should be like, and how I need to be to be a good partner. I get that now, I didn't get that then. Basically, I was the defective half of that relationship, and I realize that it probably had to end for me to learn my lesson and grow up. But, I still miss her like crazy. She's not coming back, so i need to figure out a way to get past this, but I have no idea how, because I don't have bad things to draw on to help me get over her. Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you get over someone who you miss, but don't really have any bad thoughts or feelings about?
DMS Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hi there, I find myself in a similar situation in that I have no bad feelings about the woman who dumped me a little more than 3 months ago. It is hard but what has worked for me was first going to no contact. There are several good guides for that on these boards. Second for me has been to realize that I would rather her be happy and me trying to get over it than for her to hate every minute she is with me. Was she perfect? Of course not no one is but she was and to an extent still is the person I would like to spend my life with but I know that it takes two to make a love work and if her heart isn't there then it would be a waste of time. Another thing that has helped is to find things to fill the alone time when you find she crosses your mind the most. Whether you choose exercise, a new hobby or hanging out with friends as long as it keeps you occupied it is a good thing and soon you will find yourself entertaining those thoughts less and less. Hope this helps.
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