Quest4_TheLost Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Well after looking at the last problems I had with this guy I really liked. I made a few post about him wasn't sure if he was interested because of lack on conversation on his part. But I realize I wasn't doing much to start a conversation either. Not only that I always wait for the guy to txt or call me. Even when I'm totally interested in the person. I've heard to many guys say how crazy women get and to needy and clingy. I'm thinkin what the hell is that suppose to mean? SO if I enjoy your company and want to drop you a phone call or txt once a day or every other day I look crazy? So I just don't do it. I also refuse to make the first move and don't really like being touched by ppl. I don't share my feelings often because I hate feeling vulnerable. Since the last guy I was dating didn't initiate much conversation it didnt get far. We did go out alot though initiated by him. Is there anything I can do to over come this fear of rejection and being vulnerable?
MooBear Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 First of all: I don't think ANYONE is good at dating. It's pretty much luck of the draw. Some guys can't stand clingy girls, some guys love it! It all depends on the person you're dating. I wish I had a fix for you to be less afraid of rejection but that is just human nature. We all fear rejection. I used to be painfully shy and wouldn't even talk to guys and my friends told me to just put myself out there, what was the worst that could happen? And so I did. And I got knocked back a few times, I got awkward text messages after the third date (you know, you're really great but I'm just not ready blah blah blah) and after a while it just stopped being so scary! Just remember: the worst thing they can do is say "No" and that is not a reflection on your worth as a person - that's a decision they have made based on their own wants and needs. Hope that helps x
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Ty moobear I really appriciate your reply.. It was more that after I got into the relationship itself.. I think at some point your suppose to show your vulnerable side in a relationship.. I just couldn't do it. But looking at it again I think your right about the luck of the draw. If I couldn't show my vulnerable side to this guy there was probably good reason. I just felt to insecure with him..
SJC2008 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Too much contact too soon is a bad thing frim either end. The best way to show a man interest is by being reliable! Answer his texts/calls and if he asks you out on a day you can't reassure him and offer an alternative. "I'd like to but have to do xxx, can you do it x day?". Also, don't be afraid to initiate contact but do so sparingly and never initiate contact 1st after a date, that's his job. Basically initiate enough to let him know you are interested but not too much to scare him away.
Author Quest4_TheLost Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Yea I didn't.. I rarley ever txted him and normally let him txt me first. In the beginning he would txt everyday all day and even call me, even though he said he really didn't like talking on the phone. After we had a an argument things changed. He seemed distant and I was just not secure with his actions. Yet he still would txt atleast once a day and we were spending alot of time together. It was a weird circle of mixed signals.. This lead to me breaking it off.. But I realized that maybe I could have done more. I could have communicated more. I also realize I was very hesitant to give him affection or use indearing terms like baby or what not and he would do so with me. I couldn't share my feelings with him either. This was after dating on and off at 4 months. Reevaluating the situation I just wasn't comfortoable with the hot and cold behavior. I'm sure if and when I meet the right guy who isn't all over the place and confused himself will leave me in a better place to beable to put myself out there more. Its normal to be standoffish in the beginning. But you should get to a point where you can fel comfortable with eachother. You shouldn't be afraid to share your feelings, or to show affection or to even contact them. The whole thing just got really awkward. This I also blame myslelf for now looking back shouldn't have let him pull me back in to this rollercoaster. Guess I'm just lonley.
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