Potentially Dying GirlFriend

[eleanorhurting]

Hookie, it is Cojones not cajones.

 

Cajones means boxes

[BetheButterfly]

And I can guarantee that NONE of the women who posted in this thread would stay with a sick and dying guy they've only known for 4 months. Yet, they all say they would because that's how women operate. They will say anything to maintain the 'good girl' facade.

 

In order for your hypothesis to be correct, you would need to first establish the following criteria:

 

1. You would need a woman to post in this thread who has only known a guy for 4 months.

 

Sadly, I do not apply because I have known my hubby for more than a year.

 

2. You would need a woman to post in this thread who finds out at 4 months that her loved one or guy she is dating is sick with cancer.

 

3. You would need to provide proof that she leaves him.

 

Now, I don't know if there is anyone who posted on here who fulfills those variables needed for your hypothesis to be proved?

[luvinthesun]

Say you are a guy dating a girl for 4 months straight all weekends and you're about to have a talk about having a relationship with her, but all of a sudden she was diagnosed with cancer and she's now going for some theraphy.

The treatment may fail or it may be successful. Nobody knows.

 

Would you rather not see her and not waste time with her?

Would you just back off and stop pursuing something to make it to the next level?

 

 

Ok. i will try and answer like I am a guy... Since that is tge question... unless u just wanted man responses.

 

After 4 mos I am in a relatiobship.. every weekend... ues that is how she wpild view it and as a man I should see that.

 

 

 

Is be there just as before because if there was no relationship... Then why not?

[USMCHokie]

After 4 mos I am in a relatiobship.. every weekend... ues that is how she wpild view it and as a man I should see that.

 

Ok, what if you changed the time period to one where the relationship decision juncture usually sits for you...one month, perhaps...? So if you were dating for a month and the relationship conversation comes up, but before you discuss it, he warns you that he has cancer.

 

What result?

 

I believe this is what OP is asking based solely on the words she wrote. If not, OP, please clarify.

[nofool4u]

Say you are a guy dating a girl for 4 months straight all weekends and you're about to have a talk about having a relationship with her, but all of a sudden she was diagnosed with cancer and she's now going for some theraphy.

The treatment may fail or it may be successful. Nobody knows.

 

Would you rather not see her and not waste time with her?

Would you just back off and stop pursuing something to make it to the next level?

 

If I fell in love with her, then her having cancer doesn't change that. I'd want to be there for her.

[snug.bunny]

Interestingly enough, my cousin's boyfriend of two months had a brain anuerism and was very close to dying from it. He was in the hospital for several months and she never left his side. They're married now.

 

Like Wholigan said, it's hard to say unless you're in the situation. I think that's quite an honest and realistic response.

 

Based on past experience, at four months in I would have stuck by them, no doubt. I've never dated someone for that length of time, without strongly caring about the person.

 

I realize for some, it takes longer than 4 months to consider whether or not the person is someone you want/are committed to. That has not been my experience in the past, so, cannot relate.

[d'Arthez]

I have never been in this particular position. I surely hope I will never never end up in such a situation.

 

OP describes a relationship that is at least a very intense friendship (by my standards). As such, even when there is no sex going on, a relationship has obviously been established. This would be extremely unlikely for me. I don't see spending time with good people in crappy situations as a waste of time.

 

I am very confident I would stick around and be supportive of her. Not really sure in what capacity I would stick around, since that would depend on a few variables as well, such as her own desires, as well as how heavily the treatment impacts on her. If she is continuously tired as a result of the treatment, I'd make certain to only spend quality time with her, rather than every waking minute of her life.

 

I am not sure if I would take it to the next level with her. That really depends on her character, and how she would approach life after being diagnosed. If she is life-affirming, then I might enter a more formal relationship with her. If she is all moody, and contemplating death, which is not a fun exercise for anyone, then I'd probably just stick around.

 

I'd definitely contact my parents, who had to go through similar ordeals when I was just a kid myself, to get a better understanding what she would be living through (and what I would have to live through), and how the therapy influences her; having seen it first hand, I know it is a draining experience, and very frustrating to deal with as a loved one, since you can only hope that the treatment is effective and does not kill the patient.

 

Above all, I'd try to make her feel good about her life.

[BetheButterfly]

Interestingly enough, my cousin's boyfriend of two months had a brain anuerism and was very close to dying from it. He was in the hospital for several months and she never left his side. They're married now.

.

 

I'm so glad he's doing ok now!!! That's wonderful!!!

[FitChick]

I wonder how many would leave if the boy/girlfriend made a will leaving everything to them?

 

There is a flipside. There have been loyal mates whose partners, once cured, left them. George Lopez got a kidney from his wife and divorced her.

[BetheButterfly]

I have never been in this particular position. I surely hope I will never never end up in such a situation.

 

Yeah I understand that. I don't think anybody wants to be in said situation, either the one who gets sick or the one who is in a relationship of whatever time with the person.

 

OP describes a relationship that is at least a very intense friendship (by my standards). As such, even when there is no sex going on, a relationship has obviously been established. This would be extremely unlikely for me. I don't see spending time with good people in crappy situations as a waste of time.

Agreed!!! (Sorry, I get very emotional about this, cause of my Mamaw.)

 

I am very confident I would stick around and be supportive of her. Not really sure in what capacity I would stick around, since that would depend on a few variables as well, such as her own desires, as well as how heavily the treatment impacts on her. If she is continuously tired as a result of the treatment, I'd make certain to only spend quality time with her, rather than every waking minute of her life.

Awesome!

 

I am not sure if I would take it to the next level with her. That really depends on her character, and how she would approach life after being diagnosed. If she is life-affirming, then I might enter a more formal relationship with her. If she is all moody, and contemplating death, which is not a fun exercise for anyone, then I'd probably just stick around.

 

I'd definitely contact my parents, who had to go through similar ordeals when I was just a kid myself, to get a better understanding what she would be living through (and what I would have to live through), and how the therapy influences her; having seen it first hand, I know it is a draining experience, and very frustrating to deal with as a loved one, since you can only hope that the treatment is effective and does not kill the patient.

That is a great idea to ask those who have gone through similar ordeals.

 

Above all, I'd try to make her feel good about her life.

That is beautiful.

[luvinthesun]

Ok, what if you changed the time period to one where the relationship decision juncture usually sits for you...one month, perhaps...? So if you were dating for a month and the relationship conversation comes up, but before you discuss it, he warns you that he has cancer.

 

What result?

 

I believe this is what OP is asking based solely on the words she wrote. If not, OP, please clarify.

I'd say it doesn't change a thing to the person wanting to start a relationship ... no matter how long. I guess my feelings arent tunwd off like that... I guess men and wpmen are different.

 

Men see it as a waste of time ... Dying. Maybe women are more optimistic and have a better attitude. Because support thru a health crisis or stresone could have different outcomes.

[snug.bunny]

I'm so glad he's doing ok now!!! That's wonderful!!!

 

Ha thanks. My cousin is a remarkable lady. I would have done the same too... Though, she did some pretty intense caring/tending too --- (sorry to be gross) but she cleaned his butt area for him, held him when he had to go number 2 (he was immobile for several weeks), I'm not sure why she didn't let the nurse do it, I don't know that I could have done THAT.

[Algermas]

4 months? I'd be gone like the wind.

[yongyong]

What kind of cancer are we talking about? Do you know what kind of pain do you have to go through if you have a life threatening cancer? do you know how hard it is to go through that even as a family? It's even hard for a husband/wife of 30~40 years.

 

You haven't experienced it but you are saying you would totally handle the situation.

I am sorry. you sound pretty dumb as hell. you met the person for short period of time and found the person just got a cancer. you don't know how long the therapy would be. your life revolves around visiting hospital all the time.

how many months can you endure that? If you've known the person for 4 months, I say 4 months.

 

I am sure there are Few who will do that. The media won't mind talking about story like this. WHY? because many people would make a different decision.

 

You sound like typical American talking about F-ing B.S in public like a politicians.

 

Plus, I just talked about my opinion. I didn't say everyone should do it like that. Who are you talking to me what to do? Are you going to live my life?

 

 

Oh what do you think about this lady who married to a guy with totally burnt face (came back from the war)

I heard they got divorced. I totally understand her.

I am sure you are going to call her what a cunt she is.......because you have very very high moral standard......

 

 

 

 

 

I was going to kindly inform you that cancer patients aren't anorexic and nobody is required to pay the hospital bills of someone they aren't married to... And then I realized your history of posts and decided not to bother. Point blank, you deserve a girl who is exactly the same as you. And when it is you falling ill with a potentially terminal disease, I hope the girl says these exact same lines to you, I really do. Young people get cancer too, y'know.

 

It isn't about 'cameras watching you'. Who the hell cares if there's someone watching you. I think anyone who leaves someone whom they were already in a good relationship with (not just 'seeing casually' - but oops, have you ever gotten past that part?), just because they fell ill, is selfish and completely lacking in empathy, full stop. It means that you completely lack the ability to put yourself in their position. Of course, if you don't mind the thought of the person you thought you loved leaving you immediately upon a diagnosis... then go ahead. For me, it isn't a 'waste of time' spending time with someone I love, especially if it's going to be the last few years of THEIR life. I think anyone who puts sex above the welfare of someone they 'love' is not capable of genuine love and deserves to die alone at the end of their miserable lives.

 

I also think the poster who made the thread about the 'bubble man' and his wife should read this thread and formulate his own opinions from the ratio of men:women yes-nay answers here.

[Almond_Joy]

Really?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

 

after 4 months, I liked my bf enough to stick by him. Sure, we may not have a future, but I would stick by him and not leave him, seeing as I liked him a great deal and would not have left him if he were not sick....

 

If he became very ill, I have my hand to masturbate. I would just stick it out and be there for them.

 

I honestly do not know how after four months, you have never felt close enough to feel compelled to stick by a girl, under those conditions!

 

You know - it would be about THEM and helping them out, and not about you; your not sick, so what is the harm in looking after someone and being there for them?

By four months, my boyfriend would have bee devastated if I just .. left, no contact.. or told him " sorry, your dying, I cannot get more attached so I will not get hurt"

 

tsk tsk tsk...

 

 

This isn't very fair.

 

Being a source of support and stability to someone with a serious or terminal illness can be very draining to the healthy partner physically and emotionally. The healthy person may not be equipped mentally or emotionally to give what that person needs consistently, and they KNOW that about themselves from jump. If they do it's better they leave early than try to stick it out and then flake on the ill person later down the line.

[Els]

What kind of cancer are we talking about? Do you know what kind of pain do you have to go through if you have a life threatening cancer? do you know how hard it is to go through that even as a family? It's even hard for a husband/wife of 30~40 years.

 

You haven't experienced it but you are saying you would totally handle the situation.

I am sorry. you sound pretty dumb as hell. you met the person for short period of time and found the person just got a cancer. you don't know how long the therapy would be. your life revolves around visiting hospital all the time.

how many months can you endure that? If you've known the person for 4 months, I say 4 months.

 

I am sure there are Few who will do that. The media won't mind talking about story like this. WHY? because many people would make a different decision.

 

You sound like typical American talking about F-ing B.S in public like a politicians.

 

Plus, I just talked about my opinion. I didn't say everyone should do it like that. Who are you talking to me what to do? Are you going to live my life?

 

 

Oh what do you think about this lady who married to a guy with totally burnt face (came back from the war)

I heard they got divorced. I totally understand her.

I am sure you are going to call her what a cunt she is.......because you have very very high moral standard......

 

ROFL. I am so not American, sorry. The bolded is exactly what I mean. Sounds to me like you're thinking a lot about cancer-related pain, all right - the pain YOU go through, not your cancer-ridden partner. Ha.

 

Don't try to give BS rationalizations or excuses now. There was nothing in your initial post about even trying, or how much pain the patient goes through, or anything of the sort. It was all me, me, me, me, and more me. "I'm not going to spend a dime for her hospital bills." "She will be anorexic and I don't WANT to deal with that." "She won't be able to satisfy me sexually." Don't try and turn this around on the people who genuinely tried and failed to stick through it, now that your initial post was exposed for how selfish it really is. You didn't ever intend to try, period. Not for someone of 4 months and not for someone of 40 years. Do you even deny it?

 

You're absolutely right, I can't tell you how to live your life. But I can call a post selfish when I read it.

[threebyfate]

Difficult to say. Depends on my level of investment. With my husband after 4 months, I'd stay without even thinking about it. But with some of my past exes, not sure I would. Doubt I'd stay with anyone who tried to use me as an emotional or physical punching bag for their frustrations or anger at contracting a terminal illness.

[SarahRose]

I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek:

 

It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously.

 

i am not surprised really. many men are selfish. a woman with cancer is no benefit to them any more so why bother. same with kids. men go out and make new families and ditch old kids because why bother when they aren't f ing the kid's mother and aren't living with them so they see no benefit to interacting with the kids.

[SarahRose]

I wonder how many would leave if the boy/girlfriend made a will leaving everything to them?

 

There is a flipside. There have been loyal mates whose partners, once cured, left them. George Lopez got a kidney from his wife and divorced her.

 

 

well let me tell you about the vulture relatives that come out of the woodwork wanting to "help" while asking about various bank accounts and saying a funeral costs a lot of money.

 

So the

"concerned" sisters were asking about bank accounts and things and I said so you are offering to pay for his funeral then?

 

Dead silence

 

My daughter then told them to get out.

 

i could have had anything from his estate and i took a few photos and a tie. everything else went 100% to the kids.

 

and i was his ex wife.

 

we're rare birds though, most people are dirty low life greedy C&&ts

[USMCHokie]

I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek:

 

It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously.

 

Ah, since Sarah responded to this, I shall as well.

 

OP said nothing about commitment. You are not committed for the purposes of her question...

[johan]

Hookie, it is Cojones not cajones.

 

Cajones means boxes

 

That's what he meant. Who has the boxes to stick it out with someone who is really sick. You've never heard anyone say that? I say it all the time.

[kaylan]

Honestly; it depends.

 

If it was my last ex and 4 months in we had an established relationship and I was already in love with her, then yeah Id stay by her side. Id contribute what cash i could as long as it wouldnt cripple me financially. But she would definitely have all I could give emotionally. Itd be tough and most likely ruin me for any women over the next few years, but I wouldnt be able to pull away if I was already in love with her. Itd be too hard to do that and Id be a sumbag as well...and the pain from walking away and knowing they went through everything without me would tear me up. Id rather stick around and enjoy the love while I could.

 

Now....if we werent in an established relationship or if I was legitamately in love yet, then Id let her know Id be by her side as a friend and be supportive. But Id let her know I cant allow myself to get closer. Id want to still be able to maintain a healthy dating life and not screw myself up emotionally by getting attached to someone whos just going to get sick and end up leaving me behind when they pass on. Its too much to deal with and if Im not attached already, then I dont wanna get attached to that situation emotionally. Theres also the problem of holding a torch for this person for the rest of your life...why? Well because the relationship never really got a chance to run its course, so every girl in the future would be compared to her....thats tough to deal with.

 

Real talk.

 

PS - Some of you have watch "A Walk To Rememer" too many times. I agree with yongyong. Its hard to stick around through cancer as a romantic partner. Despite what Ive said here I cant be too sure of what Id do romantically. Im sure Id still be a good friend in either situation though.

Edited June 23, 2012 by kaylan