Eternal Sunshine Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek: It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously. 2
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek: It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously. The difference between male and female responses in this thread is that the male ones are actually honest. Women always do the opposite of what they say (i.e. saying they want a nice guy while chasing after jerks). Women are concerned about being judged, so they create an elaborate facade that hides their true nature. Men, on the other hand, are generally less concerned with appearances.
veggirl Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I would probably try to refrain from getting more emotionally attached to the guy, but I wouldn't leave him. I would stick around. I wouldn't be surprised though if after only 4 months he pulled away from me and didn't want a girl he's only known 4 months seeing him that way or being the one to support him (may prefer family, long time friends) 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Say you are a guy dating a girl for 4 months straight all weekends and you're about to have a talk about having a relationship with her, but all of a sudden she was diagnosed with cancer and she's now going for some theraphy. The treatment may fail or it may be successful. Nobody knows. Would you rather not see her and not waste time with her? Would you just back off and stop pursuing something to make it to the next level? What an unloving, uncaring, selfish mindset!!! If that guy cares for her, considers her a wonderful human being, and enjoys spending time with this wonderful lady whose life may end soon, than why in the world would he consider any time with her a "WASTE"???? How selfish is that??? As a person whose Mamaw (grandmother) died of cancer, I know I spent as much time as I could with this wonderful lady. My Papaw, her husband, never left her side while she was going through her last months. They were married for almost 50 years... she died months before their 50th wedding anniversary. How selfish is this world coming to, when people ask things like this??? I want to throw up now. 2
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek: It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously. Totally 100% agree It makes me want to cry to think of anybody leaving a person who is sick (or injured) and consider time with that person to be a waste... how horrible. How unloving and uncaring
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 The difference between male and female responses in this thread is that the male ones are actually honest. Women always do the opposite of what they say (i.e. saying they want a nice guy while chasing after jerks). Women are concerned about being judged, so they create an elaborate facade that hides their true nature. Men, on the other hand, are generally less concerned with appearances. Actually, I personally know many men who honestly love people, no matter if those people get sick with a deathly disease, get injured, or what have you. There are also many women who honestly love people too, and treasure their loved one no matter what disease or injury their loved one sadly goes through. Both men and women are capable of love, and both do so without considering loving a person a "waste".
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 The difference between male and female responses in this thread is that the male ones are actually honest. Women always do the opposite of what they say (i.e. saying they want a nice guy while chasing after jerks). Women are concerned about being judged, so they create an elaborate facade that hides their true nature. Men, on the other hand, are generally less concerned with appearances. The interesting thing about jerks is that they usually believe that nobody can possibly be different from them, ie they believe the world consists solely of jerks, like themselves. I wonder which way the causation lies? Was everyone in their world truly a jerk to them, thus causing their jerkishness, or does their jerkishness lead them to view the world through skewed eyes? Interesting social experiment. My grandmother stayed with my grandfather through 10 years of cancer. A male family friend stayed with his wife through 5 years of cancer. Not everyone else is like you, my dear. I am actually stunned by a number of men who said they would leave in this thread :eek: It is not even a thought that would cross my mind if someone I am committed to fell ill. WTF seriously. Well, to be fair, these are only the responses of LS males. It IS compelling evidence against the claims of some that men would stay while women would not, though. IRL, I personally think it's closer to 50/50 (or at least so I've seen in cancer wards, though more men get cancer than women do). 1
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 What an unloving, uncaring, selfish mindset!!! If that guy cares for her, considers her a wonderful human being, and enjoys spending time with this wonderful lady whose life may end soon, than why in the world would he consider any time with her a "WASTE"???? How selfish is that??? As a person whose Mamaw (grandmother) died of cancer, I know I spent as much time as I could with this wonderful lady. My Papaw, her husband, never left her side while she was going through her last months. They were married for almost 50 years... she died months before their 50th wedding anniversary. How selfish is this world coming to, when people ask things like this??? I want to throw up now. Precisely. I wouldn't even blame someone who intended to stay and tried to stay but finally caved after a few years or something. I mean, human nature is too strong to resist for some. But to purposefully, intentionally say, "Yes, I would absolutely leave the person I am in a R with as soon as they're diagnosed with a serious illness because then they wouldn't be able to fulfill MY needs"... what selfish cravens. Don't worry, though - I think those men (women too, but the only nay-respondents on this thread so far have been men, so I'll use the word men for now) will end up with partners just like themselves, so perhaps the one left on the deathbed will be them instead. Good women, the sort of women who would do their damndest to stay loyal, would hopefully be able to sniff them out miles away and would usually not want anything to do with them. 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I wouldn't know unless I was in that situation. I would most likely stay, given that in 4 months of a relationship, I would have gotten close by that point, time considering. I think even if I was to not be in a relationship with her anymore, I would still offer my support and be there for her any time. Likely I would stay...... 3
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 The interesting thing about jerks is that they usually believe that nobody can possibly be different from them, ie they believe the world consists solely of jerks, like themselves. I wonder which way the causation lies? Was everyone in their world truly a jerk to them, thus causing their jerkishness, or does their jerkishness lead them to view the world through skewed eyes? Interesting social experiment. My grandmother stayed with my grandfather through 10 years of cancer. A male family friend stayed with his wife through 5 years of cancer. Not everyone else is like you, my dear. That's awesome about your grandmother staying with your grandfather. My Papaw (grandfather) took wonderful care of my Mamaw (grandmother) during her years of cancer. I don't remember how many years of cancer that was... one of her breasts was removed because of breast cancer, and then later she got stomach and bone cancer. But my Papaw loved her throughout, and now that I have read this thread, my respect for him goes through the roof. He's a wonderful man. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful lady too. People who are sick need people who love them in their lives. It doesn't matter if that person is someone who knew and loved them for only 4 months, or for a lifetime. People need people's love. 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I wouldn't know unless I was in that situation. I would most likely stay, given that in 4 months of a relationship, I would have gotten close by that point, time considering. I think even if I was to not be in a relationship with her anymore, I would still offer my support and be there for her any time. Likely I would stay...... I knew the day I met my hubby face to face that I love him. If he ever gets sick or injured (and both sadly are a possibility, for everyone) I would not leave him. We have only been married for a year plus, but I knew the day I met him that no matter what, he's my soulmate. Similarly, I know (cause we have talked about this and he is a man of his word) that if anything ever happened to me, he would not leave me either. I am grateful for that. That's a part of love!
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 That's awesome about your grandmother staying with your grandfather. My Papaw (grandfather) took wonderful care of my Mamaw (grandmother) during her years of cancer. I don't remember how many years of cancer that was... one of her breasts was removed because of breast cancer, and then later she got stomach and bone cancer. But my Papaw loved her throughout, and now that I have read this thread, my respect for him goes through the roof. He's a wonderful man. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful lady too. People who are sick need people who love them in their lives. It doesn't matter if that person is someone who knew and loved them for only 4 months, or for a lifetime. People need people's love. Yep. Like ThaWholigan, even if I thought the R would not work out, I would stay and offer my support the best I could. The thought of leaving someone whom you were close with when they needed you most, totally appalls me. My bf has stuck with me through poverty and adverse circumstances that, while not as serious as cancer, ruled out sex for a good while. He deserves someone who would do the same for him in return. I cannot say with certainty what either one of us will ultimately do after several years of such trials and hardship, but I am certain that we will at least try our best. 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Precisely. I wouldn't even blame someone who intended to stay and tried to stay but finally caved after a few years or something. I mean, human nature is too strong to resist for some. But to purposefully, intentionally say, "Yes, I would absolutely leave the person I am in a R with as soon as they're diagnosed with a serious illness because then they wouldn't be able to fulfill MY needs"... what selfish cravens. Don't worry, though - I think those men (women too, but the only nay-respondents on this thread so far have been men, so I'll use the word men for now) will end up with partners just like themselves, so perhaps the one left on the deathbed will be them instead. Good women, the sort of women who would do their damndest to stay loyal, would hopefully be able to sniff them out miles away and would usually not want anything to do with them. Yeah, I understand that it is possible for someone to intend to stay, but cave in due to depression or sadness or the inability to be strong for someone else. However, many people reach and stretchh themselves to the kind of strength that shows love even through hard times, so it can be done. Hopefully the people who think that spending time with a sick person is a "waste" will learn that love is better than selfishness. Sickness can happen to anybody. Although of course there are measures one should take to avoid catching diseases, there are some things that just are not yet known how to prevent. When my grandparents got married, they didn't know that one day, they would be dealing with cancer. It's not like people who get it asked for it... 1
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Yep. Like ThaWholigan, even if I thought the R would not work out, I would stay and offer my support the best I could. The thought of leaving someone whom you were close with when they needed you most, totally appalls me. My bf has stuck with me through poverty and adverse circumstances that, while not as serious as cancer, ruled out sex for a good while. He deserves someone who would do the same for him in return. I cannot say with certainty what either one of us will ultimately do after several years of such trials and hardship, but I am certain that we will at least try our best. Yep true. That's an awesome boyfriend! Yeah that is what is important, to try one's best and to think of others, not just oneself.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 My grandmother stayed with my grandfather through 10 years of cancer. A male family friend stayed with his wife through 5 years of cancer. Not everyone else is like you, my dear. Did your grandmother know your grandfather for 4 months when he got cancer? Did your male family friend know his wife for 4 months when she got cancer? Let's not lose perspective here. 4 months is not a long time to be knowing someone. Anyone can be noble on the internet, but in real life, very few people, male or female, would be willing to spend years caring after a sick and dying person...that they've only known for 4 months. So please cut the crap...my dear.
BetheButterfly Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Did your grandmother know your grandfather for 4 months when he got cancer? Did your male family friend know his wife for 4 months when she got cancer? Let's not lose perspective here. 4 months is not a long time to be knowing someone. Anyone can be noble on the internet, but in real life, very few people, male or female, would be willing to spend years caring after a sick and dying person...that they've only known for 4 months. So please cut the crap...my dear. Have you ever known you loved someone within 4 months? I have, and many people do. Love doesn't have a time limit or a time to be ready, like making cookies. That's one of the amazing things about love. It's not based on time.
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Did your grandmother know your grandfather for 4 months when he got cancer? Did your male family friend know his wife for 4 months when she got cancer? Let's not lose perspective here. 4 months is not a long time to be knowing someone. Anyone can be noble on the internet, but in real life, very few people, male or female, would be willing to spend years caring after a sick and dying person...that they've only known for 4 months. So please cut the crap...my dear. So after what period of time would you actually stay? See, the thing is that none of you (whom I am quoting) even referenced the timeframe. The poster who said that he'd leave because she'd be 'anorexic' and 'unable to have sex with him' and he 'didn't want to spend a dime for her hospital bill'... yeah, sorry, none of that is related to 4 months or not. Someone like Hokie who says he is unlikely to actually be in a committed R at 4 months so he doesn't think he would stay, I sort-of-maybe understand. For the rest of you, forgive my cynicism, but I'll suspend it til you answer my question.
january2011 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 If the genders were reversed: After four months, we'd already have had the talk: we're not dating, we're in a relationship. So, yup, I'd stick by him. My current SO has some potential health issues (he's still undergoing some testing) that may require significant and long-term lifestyle changes. So, I don't have any concerns that I wouldn't stick by my partner through sickness (and health). 2
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Say you are a guy dating a girl for 4 months straight all weekends and you're about to have a talk about having a relationship with her... I am simply answering the question with the facts as presented...do all of you fall in love and feel a lifelong connection before you're in a relationship...? Or perhaps you would still be hesitant at the 4 month mark to establish your relationship status...? I honestly think the way OP worded the question, 4 months was an arbitrary number... Or maybe I'm just becoming increasingly irritated... Edited June 21, 2012 by USMCHokie
luvinthesun Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Did your grandmother know your grandfather for 4 months when he got cancer? Did your male family friend know his wife for 4 months when she got cancer? Let's not lose perspective here. 4 months is not a long time to be knowing someone. Anyone can be noble on the internet, but in real life, very few people, male or female, would be willing to spend years caring after a sick and dying person...that they've only known for 4 months. So please cut the crap...my dear. I would follow along the path the same as not.knowing. I used to regret telling my ex I had cancer. I never asked for anything different... Just a hug and to help out ... anything.. with his baby. But he was and always will be a selfish prick... 4 mos... 4 years ... 4 decades wouldnt have mattered to him... The cancer was a blessing for me because it really helped me see what others did all along. Now...my bf can get on my nerves but he wouldn't leave me thru.cancer ... I know in my heart because his sister had it and almost died. I know he thinks more of me because of it.
fucpcg Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 September 30th, 2010, around 10pm, I received an email from the cousin of a girl I had a relationship with, she lost her battle to cancer. She went thru hell, started of with mysectomy in her late 20's, came raging back at 33, turned into spinal cancer, and after a year of surgeries, losing 6 inches from her spine, and chemotherapy, what seemed to be her finally making it thru, took a sudden turn for the worst and she lost the battle. I say relationship, her and I lived about 1,500 miles apart, and spent quite a bit of time with emails and IM, plus planned trips together about twice a year. We knew each other about 3 years total. She had an amazing family, her cousin I now consider a very good friend of mine, I keep in touch with her family... and ultimately I know that her amazing family was the most important thing to have around her whilst going thru this, and I was someone special to her I know, but we didn't have a life long bond like family. It would be crazy to say that me being there for her while going thru this would have been the MOST important thing to her, but I know it was important to her, and I am saddened that I did not get to see her or comfort her when the raging attack that took her life came on. I know it in how she communicated with me, and how her cousin communicated with me on the eve of her death, and ever since. Sept 30th - Oct 1st is a very sad time for me every year now. 2
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I am simply answering the question with the facts as presented...do all of you fall in love and feel a lifelong connection before you're in a relationship...? Or perhaps you would still be hesitant at the 4 month mark to establish your relationship status...? I honestly think the way OP worded the question, 4 months was an arbitrary number... Or maybe I'm just becoming increasingly irritated... I think you need to understand that the problem some of us had with some responses was that they did not take the timeframe into account, either. It's glaringly obvious based on the reasons given and the expression of contempt for the sick person. How someone answers something gives a lot more insight into how they think, sometimes, than what they answer. I can guarantee you without a doubt that, had a miracle happened and yongyong somehow managed to stay with a girl for 4 years, he would still think and do the same thing. FWIW, I see no problem in your answer. I myself assumed that the OP meant that the person was already in love and wanted a committed R, and just was about to broach it when he received the news. If it was otherwise and they were really still of the casual dating mindset, then it would be different. Personally, regardless, I would still try to be there for them.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I think you need to understand that the problem some of us had with some responses was that they did not take the timeframe into account, either. It's glaringly obvious based on the reasons given and the expression of contempt for the sick person. How someone answers something gives a lot more insight into how they think, sometimes, than what they answer. I can guarantee you without a doubt that, had a miracle happened and yongyong somehow managed to stay with a girl for 4 years, he would still think and do the same thing. And I can guarantee that NONE of the women who posted in this thread would stay with a sick and dying guy they've only known for 4 months. Yet, they all say they would because that's how women operate. They will say anything to maintain the 'good girl' facade.
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 And I can guarantee that NONE of the women who posted in this thread would stay with a sick and dying guy they've only known for 4 months. Yet, they all say they would because that's how women operate. They will say anything to maintain the 'good girl' facade. Have you answered my question yet?
january2011 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 If I were in the mood to be offended, I'd be offended at the suggestion that: truth = be non-PC, bad and leave him lies = be PC, good and stick by him Some people have integrity and are loyal. Those attributes are not dirty words. It's tough out there but it's not so tough that there aren't any good people at all, fighting the good fight and trying to do right by people. That might sound sanctimonious and self-righteous to some. That's okay. We can agree to disagree. Edit: FG, a refund is in order because your guarantee doesn't apply to me. 4
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