xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Hi, New girl here... There's this guy I think is really attractive, he has the ideal looks I'm looking for in a partner. So this is why I'm interested in him. Anyways, I added him a few months ago on facebook and he immediately messaged me his number and told me to contact him..In return I messaged him my number and said the same. He texted me a few days later. This was in February... Anyways, for the first two weeks he was chasing me a lot, he asked me multiple times to hang out--mostly go to parties...He knows I like to drink according and we joke about being alcoholics..he's 21 and i'm 20.However, I wanted him to ask me on a date so I said no multiple times. One day he suggested that we cook together and I said I wanted to hang out first and take it from there..He got a bit distant after that..Finally my roommate convinced me one day to ask him to get coffee, and immediately he was like you know I'm not looking for a girlfriend, etc and I was like hey I dont want to be in a relationship either..It was strange that he brought that up because at this point, we only met up like once for five minutes because i was in a hurry to be somewhere... so we got a little weird after that. i stopped talking to him, he would start liking everything on my facebook and we didnt talk for a while. i was getting mad at his behavior so i deleted him.. then one day i texted him asking him hows it going,etc and we started talking again. i thought it was mutual. still didn't hang out. then we go without talking for a long time and he starts texting me again out of the blue...a few weeks ago we were going to a park..he was going to bring his friends i was going to bring mine...then last minute hes like actually my friends want to go somewhere else sorry. i was like its cool. then we didn't talk again....a while ago i ran into him outside of the grocery store and he looked so cute. he was like, hey whatsup are you drunk right now haha i was like yeah of course i am..he was like what are you up to i was like just going home he was like me too ill text you later i was like okay bye..later that night he texted me he was like hey you looked really good at the store earlier i was like thanks what are you gonna do about it..he was like admire from a far...or up close..i was like haha why from afar? he was like don't judge me i'm drunk..i was like um okay. so we texted a little bit more and flirted some. then this past tuesday i texted him i was like hey he was like whats up i was like just outside laying out in the sun hbu he was like just doing some homework and playing guitar.. i was like homework for what? he was like, i'm taking summer school classes i was like oh thats cool. i was like we should go drinking sometime, i promise i wont bail. he was like you better not bail because i'll buy you a drink i was like haha what are you going to get me? and he didn't even reply! i also told him how i'm leaving to hawaii in july for a month and he was asking me about it then the conversation ended... so then yesterday i sent out a mass text to my friends in my college town telling them i was going to be in town from today until monday and that we should hang out...all of them texted me back but him.. i'm left thinking what is going on? am i too accessible? how can i shift the flow of this "thing"?? I'm also feeling extra lonely because I'm seeing another guy right now but he doesn't give me the attention I want and I want someone to be there for me... Just an FYI. also, he's an athlete..idk if that helps. but for some reason I always seem to attract athletes even though they're not my type. He IS my type looks wise, so thats why I want him to give me a chance!
colombiana28 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like he's scared that once you guys sleep together, you'll want to be more than just casual sex partners. Why did you keep turning him down when he asked you out to parties/cooking? Are you interested in pursuing a relationship with him? (if he says he doesn't want a relationship...believe him!!)
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like he's scared that once you guys sleep together, you'll want to be more than just casual sex partners. Why did you keep turning him down when he asked you out to parties/cooking? Are you interested in pursuing a relationship with him? (if he says he doesn't want a relationship...believe him!!) He said that a while ago.. I just want to hook up with him, he's SO cute..and I also want to get my mind off this other guy.. I guess a part of me does want a relationship but I don't think I can handle one with anyone right now... Also, I turned him down because I was playing hard to get. I was experimenting...it backfired, I get it..
Eddie Edirol Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 He said that a while ago.. I just want to hook up with him, he's SO cute..and I also want to get my mind off this other guy.. I guess a part of me does want a relationship but I don't think I can handle one with anyone right now... Also, I turned him down because I was playing hard to get. I was experimenting...it backfired, I get it.. If you turned him down, he probably wont go after you until you show interest in him again, and you have to be aggressive so he knows youre not a tease. BTW hooking up with him wont take your mind off the other guy.
CC12 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 i'm left thinking what is going on? You don't know? It's pretty clear from my perspective. He was interested in you, you kept turning down his multiple offers to "hang out," he finally asks you on a proper date and you say "No, sorry, I want to hang out first and take it from there." He gets confused and/or tired of your game, loses interest in you, and basically writes you off as a lost cause. This is likely why he hasn't made any sort of real effort for you - because he's over it and you. He said that a while ago.. I just want to hook up with him, Hook up, as in have sex with him? That should be pretty easy. Just call him up and ask him to go out drinking with you. Get drunk, flirt with him heavily and then ask if he wants to go back to your place or whatever. You said you don't want a relationship with him, so it doesn't really matter how you play this. He doesn't want a relationship with you either (and who can blame him after you jerked him around while you "experimented" with him) but he still flirts with you so he'll probably have sex with you if you make it easy for him. But that's probably not what you really want, so if you want him to view you as relationship material, stop being a flake and start being an interesting person who has something to offer other than being the drunk party girl. There's nothing wrong with going to parties and drinking socially, but this "Teehee I'm drunk at a grocery store" persona is unbecoming for an adult, and most of your interactions with him seem to center around alcohol. If you want to pursue an actual relationship with this guy, ask him to go have dinner with you. If he gives you the "I'm not looking for a girlfriend" routine, then say, "I understand. Maybe dinner wouldn't be a good idea, then. Take care! " And forget about him forever. If he accepts, be charming as **** on your date and don't get drunk and then maybe he'll change his mind about you. I do want to caution you, though, about using him to get your mind off of some other guy. That's not nice, and you shouldn't exploit other people for your own selfish benefit. He has feelings, too. Don't screw him around.
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) You don't know? It's pretty clear from my perspective. He was interested in you, you kept turning down his multiple offers to "hang out," he finally asks you on a proper date and you say "No, sorry, I want to hang out first and take it from there." He gets confused and/or tired of your game, loses interest in you, and basically writes you off as a lost cause. This is likely why he hasn't made any sort of real effort for you - because he's over it and you. Hook up, as in have sex with him? That should be pretty easy. Just call him up and ask him to go out drinking with you. Get drunk, flirt with him heavily and then ask if he wants to go back to your place or whatever. You said you don't want a relationship with him, so it doesn't really matter how you play this. He doesn't want a relationship with you either (and who can blame him after you jerked him around while you "experimented" with him) but he still flirts with you so he'll probably have sex with you if you make it easy for him. But that's probably not what you really want, so if you want him to view you as relationship material, stop being a flake and start being an interesting person who has something to offer other than being the drunk party girl. There's nothing wrong with going to parties and drinking socially, but this "Teehee I'm drunk at a grocery store" persona is unbecoming for an adult, and most of your interactions with him seem to center around alcohol. If you want to pursue an actual relationship with this guy, ask him to go have dinner with you. If he gives you the "I'm not looking for a girlfriend" routine, then say, "I understand. Maybe dinner wouldn't be a good idea, then. Take care! " And forget about him forever. If he accepts, be charming as **** on your date and don't get drunk and then maybe he'll change his mind about you. I do want to caution you, though, about using him to get your mind off of some other guy. That's not nice, and you shouldn't exploit other people for your own selfish benefit. He has feelings, too. Don't screw him around. Wow. I was actually a bit shocked at your brutal honesty. I appreciate that... I could get defensive about this but I actually think you're right... Hearing it from your point of view kindof makes me feel like I'm too immature to date anyone right now.. I mean we are both at a uni and are heavy drinkers..he's the one that always brings it up and I've just been going along with it for ****s and giggles...I don't really take myself too seriously all the time.. As for asking him on a date, would it be like me playing a man's role and asking him to go have dinner somewhere (and not my house or his)..and wouldn't that freak him out? If not maybe I could ask him to go on a picnic with me when it's nice outside!....And also, would I have to pay? Like I said, he got scared off when I asked him for coffee aka an actual date so I feel like he would basically just stop responding to me if I chase him. Edited June 21, 2012 by xdxb 1
musemaj11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 As for asking him on a date, would it be like me playing a man's role and asking him to go have dinner somewhere (and not my house or his)..and wouldn't that freak him out? If not maybe I could ask him to go on a picnic with me when it's nice outside!....And also, would I have to pay? Like I said, he got scared off when I asked him for coffee aka an actual date so I feel like he would basically just stop responding to me if I chase him. Ask him to go on a picnic. Thats actually a pretty cool idea. If he says no, then basically he just wants a strictly F-buddy with minimal contact other than sex.
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Ask him to go on a picnic. Thats actually a pretty cool idea. If he says no, then basically he just wants a strictly F-buddy with minimal contact other than sex. Thanks I just thought of it You know what, sadly, my intuition tells me he's going to flake on me like he has been because I was doing it in the beginning. I also feel like there would be better results if he played his man-role of pursuing me, which is what I want to spark in him. I'm trying to imagine how this could play out... I do have a lot too offer, but I am a fun person too and don't like to take things so seriously. However, I can't stop thinking about him. Just want him to be interested again!
CC12 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Wow. I was actually a bit shocked at your brutal honesty. I appreciate that... I could get defensive about this Thanks for taking it well and not getting defensive. The brutal honesty was intended to help, not to tear you apart. As for asking him on a date, would it be like me playing a man's role and asking him to go have dinner somewhere (and not my house or his)..and wouldn't that freak him out? I don't think this would freak him out. Many men would appreciate you taking the lead. There are lots of threads and comments about this very thing, and I think the consensus is that men would like to be pursued by women for a change. If not maybe I could ask him to go on a picnic with me when it's nice outside! Sounds fun! You should try to arrange that. And also, would I have to pay? I'd say yes, you should pay, since you initiated the date (there's a whole thread on that subject that you might want to read. I haven't read it, but it's there.) I would think that since you're now basically hosting a picnic date, you would provide the sandwiches or trail mix or whatever on your dime. Could be a pretty cheap date, all things considered. Do it!
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks for taking it well and not getting defensive. The brutal honesty was intended to help, not to tear you apart. I don't think this would freak him out. Many men would appreciate you taking the lead. There are lots of threads and comments about this very thing, and I think the consensus is that men would like to be pursued by women for a change. Sounds fun! You should try to arrange that. I'd say yes, you should pay, since you initiated the date (there's a whole thread on that subject that you might want to read. I haven't read it, but it's there.) I would think that since you're now basically hosting a picnic date, you would provide the sandwiches or trail mix or whatever on your dime. Could be a pretty cheap date, all things considered. Do it! Okay I think I'll give it a try! I only want to pursue him enough to get him interested in me...to the point where he'll value me more.. Like I said, I'm a firm believe that in order for me to be happy, he needs to take on his man-hunter and provider role, but I just have to spark this in him! Any suggestions how I could ask him through text? (It's our main form of communication)
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Also, I'm thinking of suggesting that he picks me up in his car and then we head to our picnic destination, that way he doesn't feel completely emasculated. And it'll be harder to flake that way!
musemaj11 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Okay I think I'll give it a try! I only want to pursue him enough to get him interested in me...to the point where he'll value me more.. Like I said, I'm a firm believe that in order for me to be happy, he needs to take on his man-hunter and provider role, but I just have to spark this in him! Any suggestions how I could ask him through text? (It's our main form of communication)So you are just trying to manipulate him so he will become someone who will do things that make you happy? Thats like a man who wines and dines a woman just so later on she will give him sex whenever he wants. Seriously whats wrong with you women? Why be so cheap and selfish?
CC12 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Okay I think I'll give it a try! I only want to pursue him enough to get him interested in me...to the point where he'll value me more.. Like I said, I'm a firm believe that in order for me to be happy, he needs to take on his man-hunter and provider role, but I just have to spark this in him! Any suggestions how I could ask him through text? (It's our main form of communication) Um, ok, sure. Copy and paste this into your next communication with him: "I only want to pursue you enough to get you interested in me to the point where you'll value me more. I need you to take on your man-hunter and provider role." And then add, "Even though we don't really know each other at all and have only spent a few minutes together, I have expectations of you and if you don't live up to them, I'll block you on Facebook again. Hmph!" Does that sound ridiculous to you? That's because it is ridiculous. 1
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 So you are just trying to manipulate him so he will become someone who will do things that make you happy? Thats like a man who wines and dines a woman just so later on she will give him sex whenever he wants. Seriously whats wrong with you women? Why be so cheap and selfish? I think you're misunderstanding me, I want him to want to make me happy that way I know he likes me. I dont necessarily expect gifts or anything like that, but more like him going out of his way. I just want him to like me..
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Um, ok, sure. Copy and paste this into your next communication with him: "I only want to pursue you enough to get you interested in me to the point where you'll value me more. I need you to take on your man-hunter and provider role." And then add, "Even though we don't really know each other at all and have only spent a few minutes together, I have expectations of you and if you don't live up to them, I'll block you on Facebook again. Hmph!" Does that sound ridiculous to you? That's because it is ridiculous. Okay yes I guess it does...Well what mindset are you suggesting?
yongyong Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) I can exactly tell you what he was thinking. I don't care if you get offended. you said he was an athlete. so he must be in very good shape. how about you? are you overweight? (not by American girl's logic standard but by strict guy's standard) If you are in similar shape, then what about your face? can you see you guys as cute couple? Or would people be wondering 'geez is she so rich or that?' He asked you to drink together. that means I want to get you drunk and f-you. he asked you to cook something for him. that means I want to come over and f-you. he didn't want to go to coffee shops with you and didn't want to show you to his friends. why do you think he wouldn't want to see you in public? Think about it. There is this hot girl talking to him on facebook. Guys would do anything to get to know her whether it's changing oil for the car, washing her dogs, fixing the sink etc. Guys will lie about he could see you and him as a cute couple near future so that he can f-you that night. What do you think he meant when he said he was not looking for a relationship? Oh is he looking for just female friend to hold hands together? OR someone he can just bang and doesn't have to worry about her getting attached? If she is not that good looking but just bangable (guys need to bust their nuts every 2 days), they wouldn't take her out to the public because it's embarrassing. they would rather go to her house straight, bang her and leave without being seen by anyone. If anyone doesn't agree with my comment, please bring a good argument. I'd love to hear. Edited June 21, 2012 by yongyong 1
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I can exactly tell you what he was thinking. I don't care if you get offended. you said he was an athlete. so he must be in very good shape. how about you? are you overweight? (not by American girl's logic standard but by strict guy's standard) If you are in similar shape, then what about your face? can you see you guys as cute couple? Or would people be wondering 'geez is she so rich or that?' He asked you to drink together. that means I want to get you drunk and f-you. he asked you to cook something for him. that means I want to come over and f-you. he didn't want to go to coffee shops with you and didn't want to show you to his friends. why do you think he wouldn't want to see you in public? Think about it. There is this hot girl talking to him on facebook. Guys would do anything to get to know her whether it's changing oil for the car, washing her dogs, fixing the sink etc. If she is not that good looking but just bangable, they wouldn't take her out to public because it's embarrassing. they would rather go to her house to straight, bang her and leave without being seen by anyone. If anyone doesn't agree with my comment, please bring a good argument. I'd love to hear. I'm not overweight. I have a nice petite body and big boobs and people tell me I'm pretty. We do look similar, both olive skin with hazel eyes, so I can see why he was somewhat interested in me and I in him. He's not a complete knockout either, my friends said he's cute but he's really skinny. He's the one that initiated things and told me how attractive I am. I feel like looks do a play a big part in it, however, I went overboard with being flaky and turned him off.
yongyong Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like you kept negotiating the price till the owner got pissed and doesn't want to do anything with you. when someone low balled me, I told him 'I'd rather throw it away' You are fine though. You just fall into typical American girls I'm not overweight. I have a nice petite body and big boobs and people tell me I'm pretty. We do look similar, both olive skin with hazel eyes, so I can see why he was somewhat interested in me and I in him. He's not a complete knockout either, my friends said he's cute but he's really skinny. He's the one that initiated things and told me how attractive I am. I feel like looks do a play a big part in it, however, I went overboard with being flaky and turned him off. 1
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Sounds like you kept negotiating the price till the owner got pissed and doesn't want to do anything with you. when someone low balled me, I told him 'I'd rather throw it away' You are fine though. You just fall into typical American girls Great. So are you done being a jerk so you can put some input that can actually help?
yongyong Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Be hotter and Don't act like a princess when you are not? Great. So are you done being a jerk so you can put some input that can actually help? 1
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Be hotter and Don't act like a princess when you are not? C ya later, troll.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) I'm not overweight. I have a nice petite body and big boobs and people tell me I'm pretty. We do look similar, both olive skin with hazel eyes, so I can see why he was somewhat interested in me and I in him. He's not a complete knockout either, my friends said he's cute but he's really skinny. He's the one that initiated things and told me how attractive I am. I feel like looks do a play a big part in it, however, I went overboard with being flaky and turned him off. Forget it kiddo. I didnt see the part where he said he isnt looking for a relationship, so you wont be able to get him to like you, its not happening, he just wants sex. BTW, just because he said youre pretty doesnt mean he thinks youre pretty, its just a way to get in your pants. So if youre not going to make it easy for him, you wont get to sleep him. You definitely arent going to get him to like you this by trying to get him to take the reigns. You either have to take the reigns until he takes over, and risk the rejection, or dont bother. I mean really, since you turned him down the first few times, means you werent taking him seriously, and now he knows that. I'm sure if you really wanted to date him the first time he asked you out you would have said yes. Maybe you arent ready to date yet. Edited June 21, 2012 by Eddie Edirol 1
Feelsgoodman Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 You don't know? It's pretty clear from my perspective. He was interested in you, you kept turning down his multiple offers to "hang out," he finally asks you on a proper date and you say "No, sorry, I want to hang out first and take it from there." He gets confused and/or tired of your game, loses interest in you, and basically writes you off as a lost cause. This is likely why he hasn't made any sort of real effort for you - because he's over it and you. This is spot on. OP, you should forget about this guy...it sounds like you've ruined your chances by playing immature games and the guy has written you off as a flake. Let this be a lesson on how not to act around men you're interested in. 3
Author xdxb Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 This is spot on. OP, you should forget about this guy...it sounds like you've ruined your chances by playing immature games and the guy has written you off as a flake. Let this be a lesson on how not to act around men you're interested in. Okay, maybe one day he'll come around..probably not, but I guess I won't contact him at all..
phineas Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 This is spot on. OP, you should forget about this guy...it sounds like you've ruined your chances by playing immature games and the guy has written you off as a flake. Let this be a lesson on how not to act around men you're interested in. Yep. immature games are a major turn-off for a man with options. I mean why wast time on a woman who doesn't want to meet when there are countless out there who do? 1
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