BlazePT Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) Hey guys... 1 month 1/2 NC/BU Really need to vent . Today my sister went to see my ex. They were supposed to just catch up but my ex couldn't help but let it all out... They spent about 2 hours talking about me and of the mistakes we made on our 3 year relationship and of the things she stopped liking in me... She went up crying. Basically she loves me deeply but feels we're not compatible... She feels that we deserve better than each other... Why are things this complicated? If we love each other, why the need to go through all this pain...? Thanks, guys Edited June 21, 2012 by BlazePT
Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Well sadly love just isn't enough in the end. Compatibility plays a lot into a relationship and I can tell you that it is possible to love someone and not be happy with them. 1
EgoJoe Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'd be suspicious of all this information. Sounds like a sob story sell that magically made it's way back to you. You were compatible for three years and therefore could continue to be so she decided not to work at it. This "feels we're not compatible" BS is her trying to blame the circumstances on "magical uncontrollable feelings" which is a load of Oprah Winfrey BS.
Jose11 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I don't want to sound like a jerk or mean spirited, but egojoe is somewhat right. Unless someone has a gun to her head telling her to stay away from you, the only person stopping her from being in the relationship is herself. Its a harsh fact, but one none the less. Though I hope everthing works out for you.
LoveAnimals Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Hmm i have to agree with philasotroptor. My two year relationship ended a month and half ago. We did/do are in love with each other and we have both acknowledged this as well as the fact that it is so painful to be apart. But the truth is that we were very unhappy towards the end because we had a different way of seeing one particular issue. I really believe we were incompatible. And although i love him and miss him badly, i do not want to be with him anymore because i know it is for the best. Because of that we have both agreed to not talk and stay apart.
LoveAnimals Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 So in conclusion lol, i meant to say that it is very possible to love someone but not want to be with them.
Author BlazePT Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) Hey, guys! Sorry for not looking at the answers, hadn't noticed them! @Philosoraptor: I totally agree with you; in fact, one of the reasons i accepted to date her, when she wanted to, was the fact that we already knew each other better than anyone else, since we used to spend a lot of time together, for the previous 4 years, even when she had a boyfriend. Back then, I was afraid of jumping into a relationship with her not loving her the way she loved me, risking our 4 year-long friendship. After thinking about it, I finally let myself go with "what the heck... It could in fact work out! We know each other so well..." So, the way I see it, I think that she didn't communicate with me enough in that point. If she told me that she didn't like this or that so much, I think I could've made an effort to better myself. @EgoJoe and Jose11: Honestly, when I started this thread, I confess that I kind of was a bit wishy-washy and to be honest, it broke my heart when my sister told me that my ex suddenly started to cry like a baby when she came to my house to leave my sister. So I guess I was making some sort of movies on my head, because the way I see it now, I totally agree with you. The latest info I got from her was when her, my sister and my best friend went to IKEA last Friday and she was just babbling some cr*p about me... For instance, every music that aired on the radio when they were going there, she would relate to me and say something cr*ppy about me. For instance: Lana del Rey's "videogames" aired and she said something like... "Yeah, some people play too much videogames in fact... Then some things happen!" Lol, yeah I'm a gamer, but she never told me she wasn't OK with it; in fact she told me that it was better to be a gamer than a smoker, a drunk, or a drug user. Another example was when she and my sister were looking at a bed there, and my ex liked it. But my sister said "but, wouldn't it make to much noise at night?" and my ex answered "Bah, whatever... I don't have anyone to sleep with anymore... I'm all alone now, remember?" to which my sister answered "Lol, I was talking about you alone... not with someone else.." and her: "Oh, yeah, ok right!" Lol... And the list continues, but anyway, back to the point: I too agree that she is kind of making excuses for what she feels now. She didn't clearly state the reasons why she wanted the "space " thing. It kind of fell out of the sky. There were NO warning signs whatsoever in the past weeks before. She even told me something like "I want you to be the father of my children", just 2 weeks before this happened. @LoveAnimals: I kind of think it somewhat relates to my situation, yes. But what I ask is: after so much time in a relationship, if you feel like it's tearing apart, even though there are few fights and arguments, no cheating, no disrespecting, no abuse, etc, why would anyone just come up one day and say "this isn't working out" ? I'd understand that perfectly if somehow both parties actually made numerous efforts to save the relationship, and tbh, that was EXACTLY what my ex told me when she told me we needed time apart from each other: she told me "I want to talk to you because I want to save our relationship. What would be best for us?" So, I thought we were trying to save ourselves. So, the way I see it now, unfortunately, is that, since she wasn't "in love" with me anymore (I can't say I was really "In love " with her either, the spark kind of died), even though we loved each other, she just chose to part ways. On the first few weeks after BU, I came to know that she was having the time of her life. It bugged me LIKE HELL!! She had pictures on facebook and stuff and it was killing me. She was doing things she'd never done before, like partying like hell, drinking a lot, coming home at 7am, etc. On the past 2 or 3 weeks, though, she has been feeling somewhat lonely and kind of obsessing about me, wondering what I'm doing, if i'm with someone else already, if I already have my eye on anyone else, and so on... Thanks for the advice, people Edited June 28, 2012 by BlazePT
g450 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Its your X's way to make it look like it's your fault she left. It's to make her look better and gives her an excuse for what she did. Simple as that. She doesnt love you. End of story and all you really need to know. So let her be. And why the hell is your sister talking to your X? Tell your sister to stay out of it. You are blood and your sister should respect your wishes. Tell her to stay the hell away from your X. Just my two cents.
Samilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 The only thing that matter in what she said is after the "but". but feels we're not compatible. The other stuff is just the sugar coating. I can give you other lines, most of us have heard that at some point in our lives, or have said it ourselves: - It's not you, it's me - I need space - I need a break - I'm too busy with school - I'm too busy with work - I feel there's no spark - I feel we're growing apart - I need to experience life for myself - I still love you, but <insert random reason> etc etc..
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