paperboy48 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Having just got out of a 16 year relationship, well five months ago... I don't want to have to date....I just want to enter into a full time relationship. Anybody else have this same kind of feeling?
FitChick Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Unless you plan to pay for a hooker, you have to date to find the right woman.
january2011 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Speaking as someone who got out of a 10+ year LTR a couple of years ago, five months isn't enough time to grieve. I suggest that you're in no shape to start an LTR. Ideally, you need at least a year to get your mojo back and any relationships you start need to progress slowly to ensure that you're not on a rebound. Your rush to fall into another relationship right now suggests that you're not 'ready'.
MadSworthy Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I don't want to have to date....I just want to enter into a full time relationship. Not a good feeling, mate.
Author paperboy48 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Speaking as someone who got out of a 10+ year LTR a couple of years ago, five months isn't enough time to grieve. I suggest that you're in no shape to start an LTR. Ideally, you need at least a year to get your mojo back and any relationships you start need to progress slowly to ensure that you're not on a rebound. Your rush to fall into another relationship right now suggests that you're not 'ready'. I know and your right - I guess I am just missing being in a relationship. Also, I am pretty suee my ex just started dating, so I feel I want to be with someone because she is.
january2011 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I know and your right - I guess I am just missing being in a relationship. Also, I am pretty suee my ex just started dating, so I feel I want to be with someone because she is. Yeah...No. That's probably one of the worst reasons to get into a relationship. I'd also suggest shutting down any sources of news about your ex. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and rebuilding your life rather than what she's doing. It's tough. I've been there before. And even rushed into a fling that I wouldn't have touched with a barge pole because I was so desperate to have someone. don't do it to yourself. Take a deep breath and sort out your emotional and mental health first before attempting to share it with a romantic partner.
Author paperboy48 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 Yeah...No. That's probably one of the worst reasons to get into a relationship. I'd also suggest shutting down any sources of news about your ex. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and rebuilding your life rather than what she's doing. It's tough. I've been there before. And even rushed into a fling that I wouldn't have touched with a barge pole because I was so desperate to have someone. don't do it to yourself. Take a deep breath and sort out your emotional and mental health first before attempting to share it with a romantic partner. Good words of wisdom..
oldshirt Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Good words of wisdom.. No, those were GREAT words of wisdom! 1
oldshirt Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Having just got out of a 16 year relationship, well five months ago... I don't want to have to date....I just want to enter into a full time relationship. Anybody else have this same kind of feeling? I think if I were to suddenly become widowed or divorced that I would feel the same way. If you enjoyed being in a relationship/marriage, it is an actual loss when it dissolves and in makes sense that you would want it replaced. But in many ways, dating is a necessary evil because dating is the "interview and tryout" process to determine if someone is a right fit or not. The advantage that you would have dating at this stage in your life is you already know who you are, know what you have to offer, know what you want in another person and have the wisdom to know when someone is trying to BS you. Assuming you are dating women of approx the same age and life-stage, they will have the same skill-set. It may take you awhile to find the right match but when things click into place you will both know it. Also the chances are good that there will be divorced/widowed women in the same boat that also want to return to stable healthy and happy home life as well. 1
Author paperboy48 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 No, those were GREAT words of wisdom! I know, and I know I am not ready for a relationship....I just have to get over the fact my Ex is ready to date and she is beating me to the punch another front. I realize its not a competition but it just sucks that she is dating and I am not.
oldshirt Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I know and your right - I guess I am just missing being in a relationship. Also, I am pretty suee my ex just started dating, so I feel I want to be with someone because she is. When you are ready to pursue another relationship is when you have no emotional investment in what your 'X' does and her actions have no impact or influence on you (that don't involve the kids obviously) If you are feeling competitive and are wanting to "keep up" with her, then you obviosly are still carrying some baggage. You will always have memories of her and on some level you may always have some basic human concern and compassion for her but when you can go through the day and not have any emotional response to any of her actions is when you are fully ready to move on with your own life. 1
oldshirt Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I know, and I know I am not ready for a relationship....I just have to get over the fact my Ex is ready to date and she is beating me to the punch another front. I realize its not a competition but it just sucks that she is dating and I am not. She probably started disengaging from your relationship years ago and was a lot more disinvested than you when the divorce came. My guess is she was making divorce plans and plans to move on with her life while you were still invested in the marriage. IT SUCKS!! As long as you are adapting to the divorce in a healthy and constructive manner, it will just be a matter of time before you couldn't care less what she does on her own time and her actions will have no emotional impact on you. When that day comes you are ready to move on without any undo emotional baggage.
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