DMS Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Just over 3 months after BU and starting 3rd week of NC ( a few shorter one and 2 week attempts mixed in before ) Lost my job recently because I applied for my old job ( higher pay and benefits ) and she has been on my mind a lot. Next Monday would have been our 5th anniversary as a couple and was the day I had hoped to get married to her. I miss her terribly. I know in my head that the chances of us getting back together are all but nonexistent but she was in a new relationship days after leaving and I have read here and other places that often times rebounds like that do not last and that she may realize that she misses me and wish to try again which gives me just a glimmer of hope. I know many here will say give up and move on and in my head I know that is what I should do it is just a matter of convincing my heart that she won't come back. I have told many people who have asked about it that I would rather her be happy and me picking up the pieces than for me to be happy and her hating every minute she is with me. I have been real tempted to break nc but I know it would serve no purpose and only set me back. For a long time she was truly my best friend and at a time when I need one the most I find that I miss her that much more.
Pod81 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Yeah, I definitely feel the same way you do. One part of me is hopeful that she'll go through some rebounds or short-term relationships and realize that no one adds up to me. However, keep in mind that this hope is just a phase during this reconciliation. As the months go by or maybe even a year, you will be thinking of her less and less. It's important to keep your mind occupied and engage in all sorts of activities. Also...I don't want to give you any false hope because there is a chance she may not come back (depending on the circumstances in which you two broke up), but NC improves the chance of any reconciliation. It's a strange feeling though - finding that mix between being hopeful and realistic. That's something that I'm struggling to deal with right now. Just as a side note, I do admire your maturity in wanting her to be happy even if that means being with someone else. That's the way true love should be - selfless. Edited June 20, 2012 by Pod81
barese1 Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 You need to try and empty your head that going NC will lead to reconciliation. Its about healing. You healing. If you hold on to false hope it will slow down any prgogress you make. I'm in a similar situation and even I hope for getting back but this is a hurdle we need to overcome in prder to just be ourselves and stop missing someone who doesn't want us
Author DMS Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I have no delusion that NC will make her come back. I went nc to heal but also that so when I feel lonely or missing her she is not the person I turn to anymore. Which I suppose is part of the healing process in itself. But like I said I can say all the right things because in my head I know that is how it has to be. I just wish I could convince my heart that what seemed so good for so long was apparently one sided
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