Mr. Lucky Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 I've spent most of my life doing what's best for my wife and often ignoring my own needs in life. Is it so badly wrong to want to do what you enjoy doing in life? Nothing wrong with it as long as you're willing to be honest with yourself about the steep price others - your wife, children and OW - pay for your definition of happiness... Mr. Lucky 1
No Limit Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) No offense OP but I'd love to give your wife a high five right now for sticking to her rules. After all, 'wisdom' is a trait often associated with motherhood. Well done! My feelings were that if she hadn't appeared in my life then none of this would have happened. Classic blameshifting. I hope today you have realized that you too chose to participate in an affair, one of the most vile acts a person in a monogamous relationship can do? Edited November 29, 2014 by No Limit 1
Baby123 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Seems like you have a lot more work to do in IC. Blaming the other woman, still pining after your wife when your with someone else, wow. From your very first post it was clear you never loved the OW, you loved your wife and were attention seeking. Looks like overplayed your hand and you have nobody to blame but yourself.
Rainbowlove Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Andrew, Learn from this experience. Do better next time. It sounds like you are on your way to happiness now. Focus on your new lady and treat her well. Best to you, RL
Author andrew9292 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Posted December 1, 2014 interesting set of replies, thanks To those of you who smugly want to high five my ex wife and congratulate her then I hope it makes you feel better! I would not say I pine over her, but I certainly regret the hurt and upset I caused.
loveboid Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 (edited) To answer your question, no there is nothing wrong with enjoying your life. If you want an example of someone who left his family and enjoyed the rest of his life look up Paul Newman's affair. He had massive guilt for leaving his family but he still built a happy life for himself. Guilt is a gift, it propels people to follow their values. As far as anyone knows, Newman stayed faithful to his new wife. You can enjoy your life and be dutiful; you can do both. Congratulations on starting the next chapter of your life and good luck. Edited December 2, 2014 by loveboid spelling 1
Author andrew9292 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Thank you The purpose of me re-visiting this was more of a warning to those who might be in a similar situation as to what I was a couple of years ago. I wanted to warn people not to make the same mistake, especially when all rational thought goes out of the window. Try to ground yourself and realise that the advice will nearly always point to what you don't want to hear - to stay and work things through. This advice is for a reason and although it might not apply to everyone I am sure most people who embark on this kind of thing do it to help satisfy a part of their marriage that is lacking. Work on this part, do not rely on someone else to fill the void. If anyone is considering having some kind of affair then again I can only speak from experience. What started out as curiosity and a bit of fun soon developed very quickly into something that totally consumed my life. I can only imagine it would be like someone getting hooked on heroin - very dangerous. I'm happy now with what I have an I now know to cherish relationships fully. I also know that I will carry the regret and guilt of upset with me forever too. 1
Trotters Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 No offense OP but I'd love to give your wife a high five right now for sticking to her rules. After all, 'wisdom' is a trait often associated with motherhood. Well done! Classic blameshifting. I hope today you have realized that you too chose to participate in an affair, one of the most vile acts a person in a monogamous relationship can do? Thats what I thought. He let her into his life. He never objected at the time & is only saying that now
Rainbowlove Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I often think about what happened and my regrets over my actions, it is like a tumour that will never go away. However I also know that I brought it all on myself and know that it was the biggest mistake I ever made. . Sounds like he's owning it to me. Some folks here are so caught up in their own hurt, anger and bitterness they cannot see other's hurt, regret and lessons learned. Your message to those here who are in or considering affairs has been well received. Voices from those who made terrible choices and lost dearly need to be heard too. Hopefully, to prevent someone from making the same fatal mistakes.
Author andrew9292 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Posted December 2, 2014 Sounds like he's owning it to me. Some folks here are so caught up in their own hurt, anger and bitterness they cannot see other's hurt, regret and lessons learned. Your message to those here who are in or considering affairs has been well received. Voices from those who made terrible choices and lost dearly need to be heard too. Hopefully, to prevent someone from making the same fatal mistakes. Thanks - this was my plan. If I could prevent even one person from doing what I did then it would make me happy.
petee Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Fair one mate, we learn, we adapt we go on. Good luck and enjoy life!!
Spark1111 Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Thank you The purpose of me re-visiting this was more of a warning to those who might be in a similar situation as to what I was a couple of years ago. I wanted to warn people not to make the same mistake, especially when all rational thought goes out of the window. Try to ground yourself and realise that the advice will nearly always point to what you don't want to hear - to stay and work things through. This advice is for a reason and although it might not apply to everyone I am sure most people who embark on this kind of thing do it to help satisfy a part of their marriage that is lacking. Work on this part, do not rely on someone else to fill the void. If anyone is considering having some kind of affair then again I can only speak from experience. What started out as curiosity and a bit of fun soon developed very quickly into something that totally consumed my life. I can only imagine it would be like someone getting hooked on heroin - very dangerous. I'm happy now with what I have an I now know to cherish relationships fully. I also know that I will carry the regret and guilt of upset with me forever too. Andrew you are sounding like an adult and NOT an adolescent. I salute you. I hope others heed your wisdom and your warnings. Too often we do not appreciate what we have, or had, until a suitcase is packed and heading out the door. I wish you, and your children, well on your mature journey. Sincerely, Spark
Author andrew9292 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Posted December 10, 2014 Andrew you are sounding like an adult and NOT an adolescent. I salute you. I hope others heed your wisdom and your warnings. Too often we do not appreciate what we have, or had, until a suitcase is packed and heading out the door. I wish you, and your children, well on your mature journey. Sincerely, Spark thank you Spark
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