kourix Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 i'm kinda at a crossroads here. and i need an objective view. i have been very stupid over the past six months, somehow always caving in and taking breadcrumbs from the ex. this is the 4th time we've gone NC and broke it. and it's taken this long for me to FINALLY realize that it's not worth it, he's not worth it, we're not worth it, and i really need to be moving on. at this stage, i'm so tired of this emotional roller coaster i just want him O-U-T! if he can't see my worth, well boo on him. however, there's one little issue that's complicating everything. we have a trip planned in a month. it's supposed to be a "platonic" trip. but i already know what the outcome will be. we'll probably end up sleeping together and acting coupley etc etc. i can't control myself (physically) around him and vice versa, even though he likes to state otherwise. that said, i know we can't be friends, probably ever. we keep insisting we can but it has proven time and again that we're terrible at it and only end up arguing and going NC, or sleeping together THEN arguing and going NC. i have seen the light. i am a total back-up plan to him. he asks me out last minute all the time, has no problem saying no to me, only talks to me when he's bored/lonely, even admitted that he hasn't been able to find a "good" (read "better than me") girl so he likes talking to me (for now). he has made it clear several times that he will never fall for me and has no intentions to hurt me again, but when we're together, he seems to forget all the promises he's made and starts acting too chummy with me. however, i know he's gonna disappear from my life the moment he finds a new girl. he doesn't even bother talking to me when he's going on dates. so i know i don't owe him an explanation blah blah, but i just want him to know, i'm out - for real this time. i want him to know WHY i'm out, because you don't treat friends this way. you don't make plans and bail, you don't ignore them, you don't make them feel guilty messaging you. so this farce needs to end, now. i hate feeling like plan B. it definitely hurt when we went NC, but it also felt better - i wasn't feeling so ****ty all the time. i'd rather cut him out than go through this. i've survived 23 years without him before, i can survive another 23 years. HOWEVER, i have also made up my mind to go on the trip. i am not throwing my money away on a trip that i've looked forward to for ages. and that's where i'm having trouble. i hope you guys don't judge my decision - but i have made up my mind to go - with or without him. i know everyone thinks i shouldn't go, but i AM going, so please give me advice based on that decision i'm making. so the big question is: should i suck it up right now and just pretend everything's okay - till the trip is over? (perhaps one last hurrah before the final goodbye?). i know if i kept quiet, we would go on as per normal and just act like the best of friends during the trip. or do i tell him exactly how i feel, that i'm done with us. that i don't want to be his friend now, or ever. i'm posting here because i REALLY want to tell him how i feel, that i'm tired of the way he's treating me, that we both know we're not friends and bring up all the crap he's done as "a friend". if this trip wasn't coming up, i would have just blurted it out two days ago. but with the trip coming up, it seems stupid. it'll just make everything between us awkward, and knowing how stubborn we both are, we'll still insist on going on the trip (perhaps just not talk for a month and meet at the airport a month later) and who knows what will happen then? it might make the whole trip terrible. or we'll forget it in a month and be super chummy face the same issues again right after the trip. knowing me, after telling him everything, i would probably turn up and be very friendly towards him just so we won't feel uncomfortable around each other, but isn't that just so dumb? wouldn't it make more sense to tell him we're over only after the trip so i don't sound contradictory? or is it okay to tell him the honest truth and say "i know this is weird coming from me now, considering we're going on a trip in a month, but i just want you to know that after the trip, i don't think we should be friends anymore because i've realised we both can't just be friends. however, we made plans and i'm sticking ot it, so the choice is yours whether you feel comfortable or otherwise blah blah" - i don't know, it kinda sounds immature... like i have split-personality disorder. what would YOU do in a situation like this? put it out there or keep it in till it's over? some days i can make it through without thinking about the issues, some days it's all i can do not to text him and say "we need to talk."
flitzanu Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 sorry, only reading the first line here, that's really all that matters. if you want out, then stop talking to him. no you don't tell him how "You feel" or any of that crap. if you don't want to see him, then you simply say "i don't want to see you anymore" and that's it. and for fk's sake, no, don't go on the trip together.
Jono85 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 you need some tough love, and the truth is, you've been acting like an incredibly weak person. i don't know enough about you to know whether you are a weak person or not, but this is pathetic. you're still considering going on this trip? really? i don't care what you paid, either try to sell the ticket to someone for cheap, or just consider the money a sunk-cost and move on NOW. don't wait for tmrw, or next week, NOW. look yourself in the mirror and realize now that you deserve way better, and you can find way better. hell, you should rather be alone than a part of this. i'd be willing to bet though that you listen to none of the advice we give you. you'll continue being his doormat. sad, sad, sad.
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