mickiv Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 16 months now. We both love each other and have physical chemistry. Overall, he is a good person inside but I am unsure about some things and am not sure if I'm over reacting or making mountains over ant hills. 1) He seems addicted to computer games. He will stay up late and play them. He will play hours on end and has a hard time pulling away even to eat. We used to watch movies together but now he would rather do computer games. 2) I am Asian and on more than one occasion he has made racist comments but he says he is just kidding. For example I pointed out a girl who had eyelid surgery, and he said, the one with chink eyes. When we were at an Italian restaurant he asked me if I feel weird being Asian in an Italian restaurant. He says he's just kidding and that I'm overreacting. 3) His son was bored while he of course was playing computer games. He was acting up trying to get his attention, it made him mad and he yelled at his son to shut up. 4) One time when he was coming out of the bathroom I scared him, he got mad because he wasn't expecting me and called me a f_ _ _ er. He apologized but told me I shouldn't sneak up on him 5) He used to be affectionate and romantic, but lately, it feels like I'm usually the one who initiates holding hands or hugging or kissing. It's like he does it and just goes through the motions. Do I stay with him or not????
WonderKid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Get out of there. I am a gamer myself. But I know when to pull myself away when my gf wants me too. It isn't that serious. You know how he is, we don't. But if the racist comments bother you too much confront him about it. Its okay to joke around, but that can get disrespectful. It sounds disrespectful. He's obviously not that great with kids. If any kid tried head over hills to get my attention, I am going to listen to them. As far as lack of affection, you have to talk to him about that. Pay attention to his body language. Does he keep his hand loose when holding hands? Does is hugs seem fake and weak? Are the kisses effortless and short?
Seneca Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 4) One time when he was coming out of the bathroom I scared him, he got mad because he wasn't expecting me and called me a f_ _ _ er. He apologized but told me I shouldn't sneak up on him.. BAHAHAHAHA.... Ninja!! That is hilarious. I remember getting the shiz scared out of me by my ex. She cracked me up but I almost fell down the stairs and died. I would start going out with your friends more. Have some of your own me time. See how you feel from there...
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 he wasnt racist, he was just being stupid.if he was racist he wouldn't be with you (i said this a few hours ago on another thread). comments about chinky eyes and stuff, that is not really racist. in fact, its pretty predictable among friends and some couples. the calling you ****er though that is a different matter. video games are ok unless he has no time for you. he has to manage his time. beat the nerd out of him if he wont.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 He seems really immature, addicted and has his priorities mixed up. If it's not your kid, and you don't have any...then definitely get out and have fun in your life instead of waiting for this guy who has clearly put you on the backburner. Whatever you do, don't expect him to change...If you're not ok with your life the way it is and this is all you ever wanted in love, then by all means lay down and give up.
amantis Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Yes he can change , he just need a good scare ( like you are going to leave him if he doesnt change ) He is just used to the relationship , and i bet that you never said nothing about he spending too much time playing , maybe he thinks that you are ok with that ? For all of you who are saying for her to dump him , please find a girlfriend first and i would like to know if you are perfect boyfriend
WonderKid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 He's not perfect. I'm not perfect. And she's not perfect. I think she should dump him, but confront him about everything first. If she wants to take the journey of change then go ahead. Just that she shouldn't be surprised if progress is going backwards and not forward.
phineas Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Define "addiction". As someone who plays world of warcraft i've had to pull up my actual play time from the blizzard servers to show people I don't play nearly as much as they seem to think I do which is "all the time" according to them. When in reality my play time averages out to probably 3hrs a week. I just sometimes log in for short periods to check my auction house. He probably plays a lot less than you actually think he is because he isn't paying attention to you every night. But if you feel he is ignoring you for his games then dump him before you wind up using that to justify cheating on him.
zengirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 1) He seems addicted to computer games. He will stay up late and play them. He will play hours on end and has a hard time pulling away even to eat. We used to watch movies together but now he would rather do computer games. Sounds like a problem to me, if it's hindering the R and he's not stopping regularly to eat and so forth. 2) I am Asian and on more than one occasion he has made racist comments but he says he is just kidding. For example I pointed out a girl who had eyelid surgery, and he said, the one with chink eyes. When we were at an Italian restaurant he asked me if I feel weird being Asian in an Italian restaurant. He says he's just kidding and that I'm overreacting. I'm not sure if that's racist (I wouldn't say so, really, though 'chink' is a racial pejorative), but I'd be uncomfortable with it and find it very immature. I'm halfsies (Japanese) and generally speaking, such comments would seem weird to me. Why would an Asian feel weird in an Italian restaurant? 3) His son was bored while he of course was playing computer games. He was acting up trying to get his attention, it made him mad and he yelled at his son to shut up. Sounds addicted to me, if he's more focused on the game than his kid. 4) One time when he was coming out of the bathroom I scared him, he got mad because he wasn't expecting me and called me a f_ _ _ er. He apologized but told me I shouldn't sneak up on him Weird and a really bad sign. Does he have some kind of PSTD or something? 5) He used to be affectionate and romantic, but lately, it feels like I'm usually the one who initiates holding hands or hugging or kissing. It's like he does it and just goes through the motions. Do I stay with him or not???? Sounds like the romance is dying out. At any rate, only you can decide what to do, but I see warning signs for sure. Not a R I would be in. Define "addiction". She did. Hey, I'm a gamer, and I get that you can game and not be addicted and that it can look like too much time from the outside, but when someone "has trouble stopping even to eat" and can't watch a movie with her during the week because he's on computer games, that's pretty extreme. I sometimes play for hours on end, and so does Hubby, but we pull away to do other things and have never had trouble stopping to eat! Geez. We were up playing Mass Effect 3 till 2am a few nights recently (can't play it multiplayer in the same house, but we switch off controllers and play together a lot on games) so we can game, but her BF still sounds addicted and isolated to me. And not paying attention to his kid and choosing to play video games instead is not cool -- that's ignoring responsibilities for the game.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Decide what is not okay with you. It seems like you already have. Sit down and let him know what these things are. Also tell him needs that you have that are not being met. If the relationship is valuable to him, he will make a serious effort to improve in all these areas. I don't think it's fair to expect him to change into a different person. If he does not make the effort and stick to it, I think it's time to move on because things are headed in an unpleasant direction.
KathyM Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Sounds to me like your bf is addicted if he's neglecting other aspects of his life, like sleeping or spending time with his son, in favor of playing video games. He sounds like a jerk also with the comments he makes. I would suggest dropping him. He doesn't sound like a very nice person to spend time with.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Mickiv, I'm not too sure just how good a person your man is to be honest. It sounds like he is neglecting life in favor of video games. I also find the racist comment thing by him completely gross and wrong. He probably is partially "just kidding". Regardless, he is "just kidding" at other people's expense. Especially at your expect if he is making racist comments about your race! That is so uncool and really digusting. He seriously asked you if you felt weird at at an Italian restaurant? WTF. I don't even know of 12 year olds that think like this. His son wanted his attention but he picked video games over him? Messed up. He called you a curse name? Not good. And after he cursed at you then apologized he still pushed the blame on you saying "but you shouldn't have done this..." From the information you gave, this is not a man you should stay with. Girl, you can find a man that will treat you much better. I don't see this guy changing anytime soon.
fishtaco Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 My vote echo some of the posts by other people already: - The racist comments show immaturity. He probably thought he was all slick and witty with those comments. I don't think he's a racist. But immaturity is a valid reason to dump someone. - His life priorities are jacked up. Video game addiction is very real. And it destroys lives as much as any other types of addictions. People have failed out of school, lost their jobs, ended their marriages, due to video game addiction. You have to be understanding that some people are gamers, and that's their passion. But when it so bad that it impacts quality of life, well, then that's also a valid reason to dump them. So talk to him about it. Maybe therapy for his video game addiction. And you need to work out his immature outbursts. See if he's willing to meet you half way. Relationships are about compromises. You can't expect him to fully bend to your will, for better or worse, he is his own person. If he's willing to meet half way, and puts in the effort, and you do too, then this could work. If not, dump him. Is he playing those online games? MMORPG's? Like World of Warcraft or Lord of the Rings or whatever? Those are extremely addicting, which is why I don't play them. I used to. But I decided that while I still like video games, I have things on my bucket list I want to accomplish. So now I stick to PS3 games, I can walk away from them easier.
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