goodintentions Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 If you read my previous thread, you'll know what's going on here. If not, here's a link to it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/331073-broke-up-today-just-need-vent Anyways...my ex called me last night. I had a feeling that she was going to call me as I went to bed, and sure enough I woke up 30 minutes later to my phone ringing with her face on the screen. We talked for an hour. But instead of begging for her back and to try to work everything out, I played it cool. I told her I hoped she figured everything out so that she could just be happy. If we ended back together, so be it, but I told her I was moving on. She told me she was sorry for calling me, but said she felt like she just needed to. The frustrating part is that the remaining 96% of the conversation felt normal and it felt like we were still together. At one point she said "this is just my way of trying to start over". We also talked about my roommate and his ex who just broke up for the exact same reason as us and she commented, "I know how she feels, she just wants to make sure...". Of course, I couldn't help but take that as that's what she's doing herself right now. It was also frustrating because I had really begun to make good progress towards beginning to move on yesterday and now I can't help but have gained more hope for a future with her, even if it may be false. I then saw her at the gym today, of course. It was our first time in public since the break up, so it was somewhat awkward, but overall not really. I texted her later to ask her what she meant last night by "her way of starting over" and if it meant that she had figured out she wanted to be with me. I just had to ask her because I felt it was only fair to me to understand what she really meant. She told me I was thinking too far into it and that she just meant we could start hanging out "casually". I'm still not really sure what this means...does it mean friends or as in begin to start going on dates and what again? Either way, I dropped it and said thank you. She texted me later and we would end up texting pretty consistently for the rest of the night. Nothing about getting back together or the situation...again it all felt normal. Like we were still together. I'm so confused. Is there hope? Should I try to contact her first now? Or do I continue to give her space and let her contact me when she wants to. I'm just really lost and frustrated right now.
Philosoraptor Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 You're confused? She's confused horribly. She seems to want to look outside of the relationship but doesn't want to lose what she has with you unless there is something else better out there. You're close enough to hold onto until she finds something else she wants to grasp a hold of. She's saying just enough to keep you confused and interested without having to commit to anything herself.
Ruby65 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Agreed. It sounds like she wants to keep you on the back burner as a Plan B in case she doesn't find anyone else. If she wants to get back together, she'll say "I want to get back together." Everything else is breadcrumbs.
k100danny Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have been getting this the last two days. we spoke on the phone a few days ago and it was nice. I suppose we both miss what we had and each other but know it can't be how it was before so we are both slightly confused as of how to proceed. I did 2 days no contact and my ex text me, just asking how i was. I said fine you you are two ect and not to sound rude but did she want something or was she just checking if i was ok? She messaged me back saying she just wanted to see how i was doing really and she doesnt want to not speak anymore if im ok by that. asked what i had been up to and gave me a bit of info about what she had been up to ect. I replied and said I'm not sure what you want me to say. I don't hate you and if you feel you have to check up because you feel guilty then please dont. I said it was nice to speak on the phone the other day But im unsure how to talk to her at the minute but Im sure when we both can picture each other with other people we can be friends or see if we would like to be. I think we are sometimes hard on dumpers, I think they sometimes feel like us in a way and also have the guilt of being the one who ended it. I at times know it hasn't been in my best interest to contact my ex but i've done it as many if not most people have on here, they obviously go through the loss too and maybe do wish things were like they were in the beginning but don't know what to do either. we have heard it said many times that they should have the respect to leave us alone BUT do they not deserve the same respect if they split up with you and decide it isn't what they want? I think I'm finally coming out of the black hole and this one hasnt taken that long. there is a light at the end of the tunnel people
Ruby65 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 They have a right to be heard if they decide they want to get back together and are making contact for that reason. They DON'T have a right to string those they have dumped along or fill them with false hopes of a reconciliation just because they miss us or want us to make them feel less guilty about dumping us. They DON'T have a right to keep those they have dumped on the back burner just in case they don't meet anyone they like better. The dumper and the dumpee are not equal parties in this equation. The dumper has the power to give the dumpee what he/she so desperately wants..... to get back together again. Who cares if they miss us? They should. That's their problem. It's not our job to make them feel better about it or help them move on with their lives without us.
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