daniellethedisaster Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I have been told by numerous people on here to do NC repeatedly. And I appreciate that advice and wish I could just do it. Maybe I enjoy this awful feeling I have or something, but I can't bring myself to do it. It's been almost 3 weeks since the break up. The first 2 were god awful. I lost 15 pounds and looked terrible. We have fought a couple times during the first 2 weeks. And then, after he sent me that message saturday morning (see previous posts if you want to know what was said etc), he has been nothing but nice. Yesterday and today he has talked to me from the time he gets up til the time he goes to bed. We haven't talked about us. We haven't discussed the long messages he sent me saturday. We haven't talked about anything of great importance, but we have talked. And he has been the one to bring up every conversation. I pull away, he comes back. And I know I should ignore him. I know I shouldn't talk to him at all after everything that has happened. And you guys are all probably right, but like I said I can't do it. I don't know how to let it go, especially now that he is talking to me first. That he said he missed me. That he did say all of the things I had wanted to hear in a way besides the "I want you back." and I know people are going to say I shouldn't be with him because of my daughter, that I am not placing her needs before mine etc. But before you judge everything that he has said, you need to know that when we were together he was amazing with her. He treated her in a way I could only hope to have someone treat her. And yes he left. And yes he said he didn't want the responsibility of being a step dad, and yes he has thrown a wrench into our lives... i understand those are ALL negative things. but he is not purely negative. I guess I just wanted to rant, and to defend him in a way, because I am stupid and have no self esteem or whatever else will be said, I don't know. i just know that I do love him. And talking to him, even about stupid things, makes my days better than the ones where I didn't hear from him at all...
AlexanderJames Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Most everyone on here, myself included, will tell you to initiate NC. Not because its easy, but because it works. People will try to help you by telling you what works, they have all tried and tested it. I felt the same way as you towards someone, I felt I couldn't let go, and that I didnt want to love anybody else. But as nice and friendly as they were towards me, there was no hope we would work out, so I did what I had to do and started NC, and I havent looked back, and honestly I've never felt better. I hope things work out for you danielle
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I know that is what I should do. But I can't. I literally cannot bring myself to delete him from FB, my phone, my life. He initiates every conversation. He asks how I am. He says he misses me. I don't know what I am doing but I really do not think that this is the end. Maybe it is wishful thinking, but I am hopeless like that and honestly believe that we are great for each other. And I excuse his dramatics because I do love him in a way no one else has. And maybe that is a fault in me, but I can't let go without a fight. You fight for what you want in life, and I want him. So even if this sets me back in the long run, I have to fight.
AlexanderJames Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 You do what you have to I actually said to my ex's face when she asked why it was such a big deal to me "When you love something, you fight for it". But it didnt get me anywhere. Just remember theres a community here for you no matter what the outcome.
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 You do what you have to I actually said to my ex's face when she asked why it was such a big deal to me "When you love something, you fight for it". But it didnt get me anywhere. Just remember theres a community here for you no matter what the outcome. Thank you for that... thank you for not saying I was being stupid, neglecting myself, my daughter etc... I am not sure what lies ahead for him and I, but I am willing to try. I can't let go of something that has made me feel whole for this long. Every relationships has it set backs, and there are times when you have to work at it for it to even work... and maybe this is one of those times. I am sure I will have many more threads to post about this, especially if things turn out bad. I guess just wish me luck. I am going to keep on keeping on I suppose. 1
Reddice Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you for that... thank you for not saying I was being stupid, neglecting myself, my daughter etc.. Yes, kudos to him for him for not stating the obvious. It's very simple really... there is nobody here who will be able to talk this out fo your head, so go ahead. Just know this, he will soon be on the rebound. This usually happens within the first 6 months. If you can handle seeing him with someone else, then kudos to you too!
flitzanu Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 you mean you WON'T do it. nothing is stopping you from going NC except your deflated insecurity. 1
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 21, 2012 Author Posted June 21, 2012 I appreciate the concern, and the blunt things everyone on this site has said. It is nice to know that random people do care. And you are right, I won't do it. Because I refuse to accept the finality of this relationship. With good reasoning honestly. We talked last night for two hours. He said things that were needed to be said and we have cleared the air on a lot of things. IF we get back together, it will be on MY terms. I am no stupid enough to just jump back into something that could potentially end just like this. But I am willing to work through it. Every relationship has bumps, and words are said that are not meant. I have been one sided in this, and haven't laid blame on myself for my actions and words that have happened in the recent weeks, months. But I have to accept some blame as well. And I do. And if we work things out, and I am happy, then my daughter will be happy. And life will be good. I am not in denial or being oblivious to what could potentially happen. I just want to have hope left. And my insecurities were brought on long before this relationship. I am secure in myself and my life. I just have issues with romantic things, with just cause. Anyway. Thanks for the words. Like I said, I appreciate it.
flitzanu Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I appreciate the concern, and the blunt things everyone on this site has said. It is nice to know that random people do care. And you are right, I won't do it. Because I refuse to accept the finality of this relationship. With good reasoning honestly. We talked last night for two hours. He said things that were needed to be said and we have cleared the air on a lot of things. IF we get back together, it will be on MY terms. I am no stupid enough to just jump back into something that could potentially end just like this. But I am willing to work through it. Every relationship has bumps, and words are said that are not meant. I have been one sided in this, and haven't laid blame on myself for my actions and words that have happened in the recent weeks, months. But I have to accept some blame as well. And I do. And if we work things out, and I am happy, then my daughter will be happy. And life will be good. I am not in denial or being oblivious to what could potentially happen. I just want to have hope left. And my insecurities were brought on long before this relationship. I am secure in myself and my life. I just have issues with romantic things, with just cause. Anyway. Thanks for the words. Like I said, I appreciate it. we all want to have "hope" left. sadly that's our biggest downfall is not knowing when to quit, when someone else did long ago. 2
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