jobaba Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 In most cases, I would be surprised if both partners feel they are settling -- at least to an equal extent. Also, not everyone in real life may analyze physical attraction to the nth degree like we do on LS. On LS, we try to fit physical attraction into a very rigid two-mode model -- we're either completely turned on or completely turned off. I suspect real life isn't that simplistic or we would only see the most gorgeous people having sex and getting married. I've never figured that out either... People are SO SURE they are attracted to someone or not. I mean, when I walk into a room and see 10 women my age range, 2 will be hot, 3 will be cute, 2 will be okay, 2 will be so so and maybe 1 will be unattractive. There's a good chance all 10 will be sorta cute ... and that's without knowing anything about their personality. I think what it is ... people know what they can get, the level of attractiveness. Thus, they will only take people who REALLY do it for them, like the person in the room you can't stop staring at. Thus, the 5 second rule...
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 (edited) My stats: -mid 20's -slim athletic build -about a 6 facially My criteria: -under 40 -not morbidly obese -not anorexic skinny -no serious disfigurements (e.g. elephantitis) That's it! Probably 90% of girls in my age range meet all these criteria. You'd think with such lax standards, I'd be able to find at least one girl to take me. But I can't. Edited June 21, 2012 by Bob_Funk
joystickd Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I think one issue with both genders is in an area most are concentrated on the most desirable. All others outside that group of desirable people are either ignored or settled for because they can't get one of those desirable people. The people that usually talk about not being able to date in reality it is usually I can't get anyone I want to date or anyone in that group of desirable people to date. People can make improvements and become a desirable person. The main thing is to be open to dating someone that is not in this group of desirable people because the funny thing is there are some outside that group that are very attractive. 1
FitChick Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I prefer men as attractive or less attractive than I am. I've never been attracted to pretty boys. The men obviously have to be attractive to me, but usually in a non-conventional way. I recently watched Jeremy Northam in a film (he's a fantastic actor) and thought, He's my type -- English, tall, nice hair, manly nose. Too bad he is (rumored to be) gay, dammit. 1
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 I prefer men as attractive or less attractive than I am. I've never been attracted to pretty boys. The men obviously have to be attractive to me, but usually in a non-conventional way. I recently watched Jeremy Northam in a film (he's a fantastic actor) and thought, He's my type -- English, tall, nice hair, manly nose. Too bad he is (rumored to be) gay, dammit. Lol at that him not being conventionally attractive. He's probably better looking than 95% of guys in his age group.
FitChick Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Lol at that him not being conventionally attractive. He's probably better looking than 95% of guys in his age group. Large nose with bump and bags under his eyes (he is 50ish) isn't what most people think of as conventionally handsome. Of course, compared to someone ugly he might be handsome.
Bob_Funk Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Large nose with bump and bags under his eyes (he is 50ish) isn't what most people think of as conventionally handsome. Of course, compared to someone ugly he might be handsome. I was actually taking you somewhat seriously before you threw in that little ad hominem.
Necris Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 It is a common assumption that if you aren't getting the girls your sights maybe set too high and should aim lower. I myself have problems just looking for average girls and I'm not hideous looking, but women aren't attracted to me.
Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Bear in mind that really ugly guys with a truck load of cash will get the hottest chick on the planet to go out with them... Also, one man's meat is another man's poison. Someone you may not look at twice may be the most beautiful girl in someone else's eyes. It's all in the synastry! This is SO TRUE. Two GUys on this website tell me I am a 6/10, and I am sure there are more who would even rate me LESS -----> yet in real life I have never had any trouble getting hot guys to have a relationship with me, or getting any decent looking guy I hit it off with ..I go from being called hot in real life constantly, to guys on this website telling me I am 6/10 and very plain...... And the comments I get are from friends or a varity of ages, in my every day life, without them wanting to get into my pants. Just peoples honst opinions, and people who meet me from online dating sites. ( who say my pics are bad, but I am actually quiet attractive in real life) I am sure the guys who think I am average would never guess other guys consider me hot, because I am not to them. I never realised looks were that subjective - seriously. I have always gone off what people think of me in REAL LIFE; which is normally good looking 7/10 - 8./10. .... Although, do you really think a girl who is proufoundly unnattractive can be " hot'' to another guy? I think it would be more like, an unattractive girl to most guys, can find men who like their look somewhat, but still do not think their a stunner. REgarding the OP - I do thnik ugly and average people are genuinely attracted and happy with one another. People who are not pleasant to look at, would probably meet their partners through a setting such as work or in school, where they were forced to be in close contact, and " fell" for each other through getting to KNOW one another... Once you get to know and fall in love with a person, I think it is possible that two people, who are not shallow and get to know each other through work ( for instance..) and fall in love - they probably KNOW the other person is not attractive to most people - and were not attractive to each other at firstl.... I think it is very sad that some people assume that average and unnattractive people will not find love and be genuinely happy. My Aunty is morbidly obese and yet my uncle loves her, and is in love with her. It is NOT a physical relationship, where he is attarcted to her body in the traditional way, yet he is definately attracted and in love with her... A great thing about unnattractive people in relationships, is that there are LESS options to cheat! Sure, they still can and do cheat, but with better looking people, guys constantly hit on them and vise versa..... ................That is another topic altogether, though; are less attarctive people more secure in the fact that there are less options, therefore less chances to cheat? Maybe average and ugl folk have it easier in relationships! Their partner cannot attract very good looking people, therefore..... it would come down to them getting close to a girl, for them to fall for the girl.. .......................And we all know that it is not respectful in a long term, serious R, to get that close to members of the opposite sex!!... therefore, it would be MUCH less likely for averge and ugly couples to click and instatly hit it off - seeing these people need to form a infatuation through getting to KNOW people, and NOT on their looks...
mesmerized Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 This is SO TRUE. Two GUys on this website tell me I am a 6/10, and I am sure there are more who would even rate me LESS -----> yet in real life I have never had any trouble getting hot guys to have a relationship with me, or getting any decent looking guy I hit it off with ..I go from being called hot in real life constantly, to guys on this website telling me I am 6/10 and very plain...... And the comments I get are from friends or a varity of ages, in my every day life, without them wanting to get into my pants. Just peoples honst opinions, and people who meet me from online dating sites. ( who say my pics are bad, but I am actually quiet attractive in real life) That's because the pictures you put up are not flattering. Nobody would look great with mouth wide open
Nomad Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I agree with this but I don't think it's necessarily because average-looking women are magnets for good-looking guys. I think it's because at any given time, average-looking women tend to have a lot more first-date options than average-looking men. With a larger sample to choose from, there is bound to be at least one really good-looking guy among them -- of course, he's the one she'll go with. The rest of us strike out. Why do you believe that average-looking women have more first-date options than average-looking men? There's a 50/50 sex ratio (at least in societies without sex-specific abortions, e.g. China).
Nomad Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 In most cases, I would be surprised if both partners feel they are settling -- at least to an equal extent. Also, not everyone in real life may analyze physical attraction to the nth degree like we do on LS. On LS, we try to fit physical attraction into a very rigid two-mode model -- we're either completely turned on or completely turned off. I suspect real life isn't that simplistic or we would only see the most gorgeous people having sex and getting married. Oh, I completely agree that physical attraction is not a binary thing: there are most certainly gradations of attractiveness, in my opinion. My question was whether such couples find each other at all attractive.
Nomad Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Not everybody cares that much about looks though. I have certain women that I have dated and they have all been decent looking, not model or spectacular. I would take way less than that looks wise if the other pieces were there. So I wouldn't call it settling. I don't doubt that different people may weight looks somewhat differently in their choice of a mate. However, it seems to me that partners' physical attractiveness is closely correlated; that is, ugly people tend to be with ugly people, average with average, and beautiful with beautiful. If there is indeed such a correlation (which is not at all unlikely), then are we to conclude that less-attractive people in general place less importance on looks, or just that they are taking the best-looking partner that they're capable of getting (i.e. one who is on par with their level of attractiveness, which is low), and therefore "settling" in the looks department?
Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 That's because the pictures you put up are not flattering. Nobody would look great with mouth wide open True. Most of my facebook.. Okay, all of my facebook pictures are off me pulling funny faces. And no, I do not use my personal facebook for employers. I am not as stupid as some people on here think me to be. I have a separate facebook account prospective employers can view. I actually cannot take normal pics, I have to be.... being myself. Which I guess is not straight and normal. oops. But there ARE some people who look pretty in un flattering pics. I guess I am just not one of them. I thought it would not matter, putting silly pictures of me up, because I have nice eyes and mouth and skin and good teeth - yet I guess taking un flattering pics can cancel out any good points you have:( People tell me I look bad in pics. Even normal pics would not look that great?
mesmerized Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 True. Most of my facebook.. Okay, all of my facebook pictures are off me pulling funny faces. And no, I do not use my personal facebook for employers. I am not as stupid as some people on here think me to be. I have a separate facebook account prospective employers can view. I actually cannot take normal pics, I have to be.... being myself. Which I guess is not straight and normal. oops. But there ARE some people who look pretty in un flattering pics. I guess I am just not one of them. I thought it would not matter, putting silly pictures of me up, because I have nice eyes and mouth and skin and good teeth - yet I guess taking un flattering pics can cancel out any good points you have:( People tell me I look bad in pics. Even normal pics would not look that great? I'm bad in pics too, guys often tell me I look better in person. But yeah, guys normally don't enjoy pictures with silly faces. Why do you think model shots for selling products are always some glamorous shots in which the women look very confident and often mysterious? because that's what attracts people! If you always have to make a silly face in your pictures, it's also an indicator of you not being comfortable in your own skin which is unattractive. Put a picture up that shows your beautiful features not just your tonge and sunglasses!
ConnieLu Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 This entire conversation makes me want to take a Crying Game shower. Even just talking about sex alone, not love or relationships, is staring at the person all you do in the sack? The most boring makeouts I've ever had were with the most objectively beautiful man I've ever dated, and the hottest sex I've ever had was with a guy who I once thought to myself, "Why am I here? This guy is really unattractive." His confidence and personality were so exciting it made everything electric. We are so much more than skin sacks and really, even our perception of that changes. Get over it. If all you're doing is looking at people you deserve to be alone and obsessing over it. 3
mario_C Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 The hip and happening phrase is "LOWER YOUR STANDARDS", or alternately, "Date within your league." It's code for: ugly boys/men should only date ugly women, fat boys/men date fat, old date old, rich date whoever they want. (Some people are not getting my sense of humor yet, and I worry this will be a litmus test...*puts on hazmat suit*)
Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I'm bad in pics too, guys often tell me I look better in person. But yeah, guys normally don't enjoy pictures with silly faces. Why do you think model shots for selling products are always some glamorous shots in which the women look very confident and often mysterious? because that's what attracts people! If you always have to make a silly face in your pictures, it's also an indicator of you not being comfortable in your own skin which is unattractive. Put a picture up that shows your beautiful features not just your tonge and sunglasses! Well I was 116 lbs and 5'5 with large boobs and long blonde hair, I thought that would show up as at least average or of interest to most men? It dos in real life at least:( I guess having straight teeth and " sterotyped" features are not enough to be attractive to all guys. And it is not just the fact I have my sunnies. Everyone tells me that, in pictures, I just have strange facial angles and a weird nose that does NOT look good in pictures, and that people need to be able to see my hair and 3D picture of me, in person, to even get an idea of what I look like. My own boyfriend thought I was a 6 online, look wise, but was shocked when I was actually " hot" to him in person. To be honest, trying to look serious and take normal pics just is not me. The one of my riding my bike is the most normal pic I have ever taken. Oh wells. I have a boyfriend these days, so online dating is not an issue. Moreover - I find once a person gets to know and love me long term, they are not people who would view me as that pretty initially, but they come to really love me and fine me to go from; hot but nothing special, to ---> very good looking ( to them). The above poster is so right - people need to get over looks, and just talk to people and be themselves, rather than think " okay, I am going to attract such and such types" Very unnatractive ad very attractive people would normally not communicate online, that is obvious, but anything in between should be considered more.... Any one, such as myself, who is inbetwee ugly and a 9 or a 10, should just be open to talking to all average, slightly below average, or slightly above average people. In my opinion. I talk a lot about appeaarnce online, but really, when I have sought guys out in real life, I just be myself, and being funny and kind tends to make them view me as very attractive in the end.
USMCHokie Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Lowering your standards is the quickest path to GIGS. 1
Bristolius Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 This entire conversation makes me want to take a Crying Game shower. Even just talking about sex alone, not love or relationships, is staring at the person all you do in the sack? The most boring makeouts I've ever had were with the most objectively beautiful man I've ever dated, and the hottest sex I've ever had was with a guy who I once thought to myself, "Why am I here? This guy is really unattractive." His confidence and personality were so exciting it made everything electric. We are so much more than skin sacks and really, even our perception of that changes. Get over it. If all you're doing is looking at people you deserve to be alone and obsessing over it. I wanted to hit the Like button but I don't know what a Crying Game shower is.
Anela Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I maybe wrong but i honestly believe mediocre looking women have a harder time being attracted to mediocre looking Men then vice versa because those women can get hot men to sleep with them which in turn may inflate their ego and self awareness.. Right, because we don't belong with a hot guy, but all of you deserve Heidi Klum, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis...? in order to inflate your egos. 1
Anela Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 It seems to be the consensus here that average-looking women have an easier time attracting good-looking guys than vice-versa. I would have thought it would be just the opposite: in my experience I seem to see more ugly-to-average guys with hot women than not-so-great-looking women with handsome guys. Of course, maybe that's just me... This has been my experience, as well.
Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Lowering your standards is the quickest path to GIGS. The alternative is to improve yourself. And to learn to love being alone, and to not be desperate for love. Problem is, it can take many years to change our body, get plastic surgery if your ugly, and better educate yourself and all the other self improvement stratagies.... Is there a limit, though, to an extremely ugly person improving themselves, in terms of the outcome? They will still not attract a lot of people to want to date them. They are limited to MOSTLY other ugly people. Isn't the point of the thread, that some people, regardless of how hard they try and how awesome they are, still end up with partners wh may love them, but are not all thats sexually turned on? Or, is it that feasible for an ugly person to be truly loved, and in turn, viewed as sexually enjoyable? Maybe they enjoy pleasing each other, but do not actually need to view them as the least bit attractive?
Anela Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I was actually taking you somewhat seriously before you threw in that little ad hominem. After you've been complaining about a woman with a gut, and not being able to find a woman who fits your standards?
ConnieLu Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I wanted to hit the Like button but I don't know what a Crying Game shower is. It's a shower that you take to try to clean off some kind of deep emotional filth that you feel inside. no matter how hot the water is and no matter how much you scrub it will never make you clean. From the movie "The Crying Game", about a man who takes that shower after he realizes the woman he took home from the bar was actually a man. but then they overcome obstacles and end up super in love. Point to ponder. 1
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