LoveBear22 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I posted a while back explaining what happened--but asked if a relationship would last from the other guy's perspective (I wanted an honest assessment, not a pity party). Heres the link to that one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/303370-so-i-have-new-gf-strange-start-can-work Almost a year later, and after about 8 months of no contact, the girl emailed me to wish me happy birthday in a kinda somber way--I have her blocked on everything else. All i said back was thanks. Now her birthday is coming up, and I realize I might run into her at a mutual friends meet up sometime soon. Im mostly over what happened, but obviously it doesn't feel good to think about it. Also, for all I know she still dates the other guy, I just don't know/don't wanna know, and it certainly did some damage to my confidence (she tried hard to make me feel bad). I've been with a bunch of other girls since, but don't feel healed enough to engage in another full on effort in a relationship like I did last time. So, do I wish this girl happy birthday and be nice to her? Im trying to forgive and let it all go forever... but she's so manipulative and I don't know if its wise to make any contact whatsoever, even if Im just trying to be a good guy. What do the good people of LS think?
Peanut9330 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 If your still hurting and not completely over the relationship any type of contact can come back to haunt you. She might use this opportunity to try to talk to you and she might say things that you don’t want to hear, and set you back even more. It’s best to leave it alone no point in opening that door especially since you’re still not over it.
Author LoveBear22 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 If your still hurting and not completely over the relationship any type of contact can come back to haunt you. She might use this opportunity to try to talk to you and she might say things that you don’t want to hear, and set you back even more. It’s best to leave it alone no point in opening that door especially since you’re still not over it. I understand that, she tried repeatedly to flaunt the other guy in my face when things ended to get back at me for "yelling" at her and "trying to make her feel guilty". I just want to be above all that ****, be kind anyway and sort of make it clear that I don't care enough to be spiteful. I hear that forgiveness is the key to every door--I almost feel bad for this girl because she clearly has some insecurity issues and such. The sting is just from being made to feel inferior, but that is almost gone.
an6el Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 just say happy birthday to her and that's all... don't continue a conversation... etc... just play it cool... if you continue a convo it may seem like you still want her.... so if I were you just a Happy B-day and that's all
Author LoveBear22 Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 just say happy birthday to her and that's all... don't continue a conversation... etc... just play it cool... if you continue a convo it may seem like you still want her.... so if I were you just a Happy B-day and that's all Do you think I owe that to her since she said the same to me? I really do not want this girl to think that I am interested.
Peanut9330 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I understand that you want to forgive and yes it is better to forgive and let it go then hold on to it. I can also appreciate that you want to be a nice guy. I would probably just leave it alone though just because you don’t wish her a happy birthday doesn't mean that you didn’t forgive her. You mentioned that she's insecure what if she misreads your gesture for wanting to be a nice guy as something else. Its always tricky when it comes to ex's but you know the situation best so look at all the points objectively and make a decision, just think it through long and hard before you make a choice.
YellowShark Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Dude. She drove a bus over you. You haven't spoken to her in 8 months. You aren't interested, (your exact words.) DON'T wish her a happy birthday, it shouldn't even be on the radar. She is toast, history, don't open old wounds.. Stay NC.
veggirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 No don't wish her a happy bday. Don't open that can of worms. It doesn't matter if she said it to you. You don't need to "be nice" (that's just an excuse to contact her) because she told you happy bday. Remain NC!
Author LoveBear22 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Dude. She drove a bus over you. You haven't spoken to her in 8 months. You aren't interested, (your exact words.) DON'T wish her a happy birthday, it shouldn't even be on the radar. She is toast, history, don't open old wounds.. Stay NC. Yes she did drive quite a large bus over my face haha and at times she actually clearly enjoyed my pain. I think she derives a certain feeling of power and satisfaction knowing that I cared for her and hurting me made her feel good-I begged her not to rub certain things in my face, and she deliberately would do the opposite. I am absolutely not interested in any way, I just hate awkwardness at events that should be strictly awesome--in this case college meetups where both our friends would be. I suppose that giving her that satisfaction, even if for me its just a kind gesture of forgiveness, is something she doesn't deserve anymore. But I also don't want her to think that I am still hurting or care, which is what she might think if I say nothing and act like im still mad at her. She's just damaged on the inside from her dad not being around when she was a kid, hes a narcissist, and thus I can't even handle this like she's a normal person--shes not.
veggirl Posted June 21, 2012 Posted June 21, 2012 Dude you are worried WAY too much about what SHE will think. Who gives a f*ck what she thinks or feels. How will YOU feel if you text her and she ignores you or something? And how does NOT texting her show you care or are hurting? It shows you DON'T CARE, that you AREN'T thinking of her. Don't do it!
Darren Steez Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Do you think I owe that to her since she said the same to me? I really do not want this girl to think that I am interested. Oh grow up! you don't owe her anything..the fact that you're even mulling over whether to say Happy Birthday because she was so nice she said Happy birthday to you shows you're still getting manipulated. What? you're such a nice guy that you consider it rude not say say Happy Birthday back to her..did you consider it rude when she cheated on you? You're still in the pull of this girl, so leave it alone..her boyfriend will say Happy Birthday to her, just get on with your life.
Author LoveBear22 Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I believe we have reached a verdict, thanks for the advice y'all, sometimes I need a little kick to remember that there's no need to give a **** anymore
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