luvinthesun Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I was wondering how long everyone on here has gone without dating someone ... anyone. No interaction ... even for coffee. On purpose. And why? I went a year due to abandonment and health issues... and mostly feeling opposite sex had nothing but grief to offer. I'm not sure if that was healthy... but I don't hop from one to next...so on.
Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I've taken many months to sort things out. Not only did it help me stay focused on what was important but it also helps you become more confident with being single. 2
CarrieT Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Three years - in my late 40s... Hard times and I think it made me a little more desperate when I started dating again...
irin Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 pretty much my whole life, i tried really hard at 16 but just didnt couldnt handle it. now at 21 i still avoid and try to be friends with the guy or get to know them before i actually go out with them, and i find i that i dont fit with them.
irc333 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I bet the # of women who has gone without dating (purposely) seriously outnumber the men on here. I was wondering how long everyone on here has gone without dating someone ... anyone. No interaction ... even for coffee. On purpose. And why? I went a year due to abandonment and health issues... and mostly feeling opposite sex had nothing but grief to offer. I'm not sure if that was healthy... but I don't hop from one to next...so on.
Mr Scorpio Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Not counting my relationship with my ex -- which I don't because we were friends for over a decade before we started "dating" -- seven years. The few dates that I went on ended up with no further contact from the women whatsoever. Not even a "sorry, dont feel that we are compatable".
Anela Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 due to abandonment and health issues... and mostly feeling opposite sex had nothing but grief to offer. I'm not sure if that was healthy... but I don't hop from one to next...so on. It was the same for me - just as it is now. I know where my own mindset is a problem, but I also know the types of men I keep attracting. 1
FitChick Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I've taken years off at a time. I needed to work on myself to see why I was attracting and being attracted to certain types of men and having unproductive relationships. I didn't want to continue that pattern. Other times, I just couldn't be bothered dating or felt I wouldn't be bringing my best self into a relationship. I don't like being used as an emotional crutch by someone so I wouldn't do that to someone else.
Joaquin Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 When single I've never purposefully avoided meeting someone. Ive had patches of months where I could take it or leave it and not been to fussed about being single. When I'm single more than 6 months I tend to miss having someone. It's nice being in a good relationship.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 After my last breakup, I chose to take a full year off - no dates, no sex, no nothing. After that, I very slowly eased back into dating, but the truth is, I wasn't really ready until quite recently. My light was off for about 3 years.
somedude81 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I bet the # of women who has gone without dating (purposely) seriously outnumber the men on here. LOL, of course. It's not something that men do, without some big events happening in their life, and even then it's not for any long period of time.
pettie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 About a year, mainly because I was very busy with studies, with a very intensive MSc programme.
JohnP82 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 So far 9 months, and I plan on taking the remainder of 2012 off. Since my last relationship ended, particularly the way it ended, I just don't have any desire to date. The heartbreak was excruciating.
fishtaco Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Not including my younger days, because I was well, young and stupid, and I had no idea what I was doing. The longest I've gone intentionally I believe is around 2 years. I had to sit back and really rethink things, and make mental adjustments. I think I'm more jaded, but at the same time less affected by my jadedness. If that makes sense. I guess I'm more jaded because well, that's what life does, it throws crap at you, and you learn to expect it. My faith in people in general for doing the right thing have decreased. But at the same time, I'm well aware of my jadedness and I try to compensate for it in my decision making. That's what I got out of the 2 years of staying away from women, and also in non-dating aspects of life, I also went through some fairly rough spots where I retreated socially, and did a lot of introspection. But these rough spots happen to everyone. It's about how you deal with it I guess.
fucpcg Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I've been on and off for 15 months, which is the ending of my last relationship. Mostly off though. I try a couple dates, realize I am not ready, go back to not dating.
mesmerized Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I bet the # of women who has gone without dating (purposely) seriously outnumber the men on here. I know more dateless women than I do men. So yeah 1
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I don't actively attempt to date anyone really, I just try to pick my spots every now and then. I think I've tried to actively date one girl in the last 5 years I'd say I've been on and off, approximately 3 years now.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Quite a long time (for me), around a year and half, maybe longer...and with spurts here and there of no dating. The problem for me was getting into relationships too easily so I never really had to "date". To me it was awkward at first and something I felt people chose to do. I wasn't able to really control myself however, I never did enjoy dating or one-night stands as I thrive off emotional connections as well as physical/affectionate, and intellectual and philosophically deep conversation. Physical to me was easy to get, but less satisfying and empty for someone like me...It was like a much lesser version of something that was really good..emotional made it worth while, chemistry, passion and just that connection was insatiable to me. When you combine those elements then I got myself in really deep trouble, I was a diver...someone who went from 0-100mph and was in my own world satisfying my own needs/desires. If it faded it faded, but usually not...instead I usually just felt compelled to find the "thrill" all over again, then leave another woman confused and heartbroken...and that's what led me to cheating because I never really did follow the "rules" So i had to take a while to step back and see myself because I didn't like what I was doing to people I really cared about and had strong emotions for and also evaluate my issues to find out the real origin of my problems, or else I would have never been single without forcing myself. It was only during these times did I started doing OLD websites to make friends/date again, which lead to blogging (something I never foresaw), and then to this forum giving advice (something I definitely never saw myself doing). Without me reflecting on my own issues, then learning how the dating world worked, and then realizing I knew a lot about things that I thought was common sense but appeared not to be...I finally felt like I could use my knowledge for something good instead of being selfish all over again. You could also throw in some emotional baggage in there Ok maybe a little bit more than some. And that's pretty much why I'm here.
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Ninjainpajamas, are you a Scorpio? I thought that myself. He might be a Virgo though..... 1
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Hmmm ... I don't think I've ever been not doing it "on purpose". To me that would be turning someone down for an offer because of (reason). There are, for whatever reason, hot and cold periods. Sometimes they have spanned months, in one instance I went about a year. What happens tomorrow? You never know.
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