Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 So we all know that dating is just an interview process where you determine if the person you are out with is someone you'd like to commit to. We all know the basic "what are you looking for?", "what do you do for fun", and other types of generic questions; but what unique things are important for you to know before you commit to someone? Personally I like to dig a bit and find out what's underneath the hard exterior that many hide behind early on. "What makes your heart happy?" is one I like. It asks more than their hobbies and likes, but what brings about that floaty feeling. The answer, or lack of answer, will tell you a lot about someone. I find that it displays the inner comfort level pretty well. So what questions are important to you when determining whether or not someone is relationship material?
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I have never approached it as an 'interview process', tbh. I think in the early stages of getting to know a person, you should just focus on getting to know them instead of drafting up a list of questions. Many things will reveal themselves to you from just getting to know someone. Also, observe the actions - they really do speak louder than words. There's nothing wrong with asking specifically about certain things as the R progresses, but I would advise not approaching the initial stage with a list of Qs. I'd feel extremely put-off if someone did that with me. 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I have never approached it as an 'interview process', tbh. I think in the early stages of getting to know a person, you should just focus on getting to know them instead of drafting up a list of questions. Many things will reveal themselves to you from just getting to know someone. Also, observe the actions - they really do speak louder than words. There's nothing wrong with asking specifically about certain things as the R progresses, but I would advise not approaching the initial stage with a list of Qs. I'd feel extremely put-off if someone did that with me. I'm going to say I could have worded that post a bit better. I do not advocate pestering anyone with a list of questions Just tossing up a broad topic asking outside of the norm what would you need to know about someone before you would be willing to commit.
curlygirl40 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I don't like to fire off questions like it's a job interview, but yet I find I do like to ask questions that maybe delve deeper into what makes the person tic. I had a first date last night and the guy is really into boating. Something I've never been into. Instead of asking maybe some obvious questions about the boat he owns I asked him when did he get into boating as a hobby, what does he enjoy about it. I really like to get a feel for what they are like as a person. Underneath the job title, underneath what they do for fun. I want to know what grounds them at the end of the day. I'm looking for character, integrity, a softer side.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I really like to get a feel for what they are like as a person. Underneath the job title, underneath what they do for fun. I want to know what grounds them at the end of the day. I'm looking for character, integrity, a softer side. That is truly how you get to know someone. You step past the what and ask the "why". 1
ladyabstrused Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I'd say I ask questions that will let me know if we share similar views or similar goals. Or any differences that are tolerable for either of us. If I want to be in a long term relationship with that person, I should at least find out first if we agree to things that would then determine our compatibility. Also, I'd ask them about how they view things or what they find compatible so that I know if I should take a chance or move on.
FitChick Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I have a journalist friend who says I'd have been a good journalist because I know which questions elicit the most information. Most men are a bit guarded and jaded from dating and don't want to give "wrong" answers. I throw them off a bit by asking about their childhood because that is the source of core beliefs that control behavior, according to the Lefkoe Method. In a sense, I do a Lefkoe Method session with them but they don't know it. Men like talking about themselves, at least to me, probably because I truly am interested in what they have to say. Pieces to a puzzle. On the flip side, someone who is devious will become nervous or angry. I had one man ask, "What is this -- an interrogation?" He was a serial cheater.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 19, 2012 Author Posted June 19, 2012 I have a journalist friend who says I'd have been a good journalist because I know which questions elicit the most information. Most men are a bit guarded and jaded from dating and don't want to give "wrong" answers. I throw them off a bit by asking about their childhood because that is the source of core beliefs that control behavior, according to the Lefkoe Method. In a sense, I do a Lefkoe Method session with them but they don't know it. Men like talking about themselves, at least to me, probably because I truly am interested in what they have to say. Pieces to a puzzle. On the flip side, someone who is devious will become nervous or angry. I had one man ask, "What is this -- an interrogation?" He was a serial cheater. I too find that asking questions that make people stop and think is one of the best ways to open them up a bit. I like to ask things that most wouldn't have the premade or cookie cutter answer for.
Joaquin Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) I'd be interested in when was their last serious relationship and the extent to which they're still "friends" with their ex(s). Edited June 19, 2012 by Joaquin
snug.bunny Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I like to whip out a Rorschach test. If anyone wants to do one...http://theinkblot.com/
EasyHeart Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 "What is your favorite season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" If the two of you can't talk about that for at least an hour, you'll never be compatible. 3
tigressA Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 "What is your favorite season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?" If the two of you can't talk about that for at least an hour, you'll never be compatible. I never believed in soulmates, until now...
luvinthesun Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Well... My bf had about twenty he asked on first date... Like surprising hypothetical questions... like if we were a couple and I found out I had ...blank ... you fill in ... what would u do? If I lived in a dump would u still date me? I guess mine were ... do u believe marriage, God, want kids, and about their family. Plus I like to know how long since last break up ... abd how many dates before they sleep with someone... smoking... drinking... and how they define cheating... important to me... Hths.
wilsonx Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Why not just have fun. Thats what dating is suppose to be about. That's whats lost in the dating world. Its not an interview process. If you look at the posts in the dating forum theres not a single post about someone just going out and having fun. Everyone here takes it too serious hence why a forum exists. If I am hanging out with someone and they aren't having fun when I am having fun and they are trying to be serious, theres not going to be a second date. It isnt a relationship.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 I swear this thread didn't sound like this when I wrote it. I'll post again what I wrote in my first response here: I do not advocate pestering anyone with a list of questions Just tossing up a broad topic asking outside of the norm what would you need to know about someone before you would be willing to commit. Not early date questions at all. Things you'd need to know before you made that transition from dating to a commitment.
jobaba Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 So we all know that dating is just an interview process where you determine if the person you are out with is someone you'd like to commit to. We all know the basic "what are you looking for?", "what do you do for fun", and other types of generic questions; but what unique things are important for you to know before you commit to someone? Personally I like to dig a bit and find out what's underneath the hard exterior that many hide behind early on. "What makes your heart happy?" is one I like. It asks more than their hobbies and likes, but what brings about that floaty feeling. The answer, or lack of answer, will tell you a lot about someone. I find that it displays the inner comfort level pretty well. So what questions are important to you when determining whether or not someone is relationship material? I tried something new the other day. I was talking with this girl at a meetup event. Usually what happens is I start with a common subject and naturally expand out until we reach a subject which we might share in common. That's what I do all the time and what I did with the rest of the people at this event. But I felt courageous on this day. Anyway, this woman was moderately cute and within my league I'd say, so after about 50 seconds of conversation I just cut to the chase... "So do you like jazz music?" "Kinda. Sorta. I guess." "Do you like karaoke?" "Uh. I don't really sing too well." "What kind of restaurants do you like to go to in the city?" She picks up on what I am trying to do, looks around and walks away.
Leopard Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Honestly, I never ask questions. I feel awkward if I ask questions, because when I date, I don't date "to see if I can commit to him", I date because I like the guy. I take it day by day and I never think ahead unless we are on the verge on getting serious. It's true that dating will determine if I will continue to see him, but asking questions is like interrogating him, and it takes all the fun out of dating and makes it more like interviewing for the "boyfriend" position. I also hate being asked those questions. I feel like i'm on the spot and have to show myself off and explain to him why i'm a good potential mate. I would rather just date and let it all come out naturally, and it usually does. You don't need to ask questions to see if this person is "datable". Going on a few dates already gives a lot away by the conversations you have, the stories you share, his behaviors, attitudes and the way he treats you overall. All these little details are subtle giveaways. Asking is just so... yucky lol If we had to ask while dating, my first question would be "Are you going to pick up the tab? Why or why not?" lol!
Emilia Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Good topic, never thought about it before as 'asking questions' but I suppose I do try to figure out early on about someone's interpersonal relationships style. ie how they get on with friends and family (and I do understand that some families are very difficult to grow up in!). So I suppose I ask questions about their path in life in general. Otherwise I look out for subconscious body language clues and for how much they like cuddling up to me
amantis Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 The other day i went on a date with a really nice girl , very good looking and i was kinda proud to be seen with her in a restaurant , everyone were looking at her So we asked for the food and she starts asking questions , after questions after questions ... she didnt stop , i was like wtf is going on . It was a bad date for me , i like when we talk about stuff and it feels normal , but is a turn off when they ask questions non stop . I didnt see her again , it was kinda sad
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