PJKino Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You see it a lot on here lately though i dont buy most people who say it actually beleive it they just do it to look good with other posters but the whole idea that people will find you attractive if you find yourself attractive is the biggest bunch of sappy unicorn and rainbows fluff ever I try to go approach women with a positive mindset it doesnt magically make them attracted to me,im an unattractive man and no persona will change that,i have highly insecure friends who get tons of women because they are good looking so women are attracted to them.. The dating world is vapid shallow and cruel to some of us and theryes nothing worgn with admitting it..Lying to ourselves and saying its about whats on the inside how you feel about yourself and other bs is only gonna set us up for more failure while getting our hopes up to just have them eventually crushed.. Nothing wrong with admitting the decks stacked against you and that getting even one person attracted to you could be a very hard task..
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 *shrugs* Works for me. Don't take my word for it if you don't want to...... 3
veggirl Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 *shrugs* Works for me. Don't take my word for it if you don't want to...... but you actually ARE attractive. I agree with the OP to an extent. If you simply aren't good looking, having a fantastic attitude / personality and high self esteem is not going to make you hot looking. Personality CAN absolutely attract people, but that's usually after you are already getting to know the person. for initial attraction (the opportunity to show your personality to strangers) physical attractiveness goes a LONG way. If you are in a situation with school / work / a hobby where you are around someone a lot, then definitely personality can be the determining factor and can create the attraction! But for like a cold approach or whatever, personality isn't gonna be enough.... 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Feeling attractive won't make you attractive, but it is definitely an advantage over feeling like ugly crap while you're trying to interact socially. 1
Author PJKino Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 but you actually ARE attractive. I agree with the OP to an extent. If you simply aren't good looking, having a fantastic attitude / personality and high self esteem is not going to make you hot looking. Personality CAN absolutely attract people, but that's usually after you are already getting to know the person. for initial attraction (the opportunity to show your personality to strangers) physical attractiveness goes a LONG way. If you are in a situation with school / work / a hobby where you are around someone a lot, then definitely personality can be the determining factor and can create the attraction! But for like a cold approach or whatever, personality isn't gonna be enough.... Exactly and at 32 with all my friends being married and none of them knowing any single women im left to cold approaches which will never work and OLD which is even more shallow..
veggirl Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Exactly and at 32 with all my friends being married and none of them knowing any single women im left to cold approaches which will never work and OLD which is even more shallow.. You DO need a good attitude, no matter what you look like. So don't think I am saying that personality / attitude doesn't matter, it does. In your situation, you need to put yourself in situations where you are spending some regular time with women so they get to know you without the dating pre-text. Ex: meet up groups or sports teams or book clubs, just something where you are around a group and will widen your network. 2
Cracker Jack Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Fine. So continue to think about how tough it is instead. I can sit up here and wonder how much more attractive I'd be if I were taller and in better shape, but of course, it won't better my situation. I mean, yeah, being realistic sorta overrides everything, but constantly repeating "I'm an unattractive guy" keeps you on the same plateau you're on now. If you're not happy there, either start doing things differently or stay where you're at. If all "unattractive" men generally had thoughts like your own, none of them would get anywhere in life.
ThaWholigan Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 but you actually ARE attractive. I agree with the OP to an extent. If you simply aren't good looking, having a fantastic attitude / personality and high self esteem is not going to make you hot looking. Personality CAN absolutely attract people, but that's usually after you are already getting to know the person. for initial attraction (the opportunity to show your personality to strangers) physical attractiveness goes a LONG way. If you are in a situation with school / work / a hobby where you are around someone a lot, then definitely personality can be the determining factor and can create the attraction! But for like a cold approach or whatever, personality isn't gonna be enough.... Well, this is also true (thanks again ) However, if I thought I was ugly, or I felt ugly, I wouldn't be in a good position at all, whether I look good or not. So that's why I often advocate trying to view yourself as not physically unattractive. You DO need a good attitude, no matter what you look like. So don't think I am saying that personality / attitude doesn't matter, it does. In your situation, you need to put yourself in situations where you are spending some regular time with women so they get to know you without the dating pre-text. Ex: meet up groups or sports teams or book clubs, just something where you are around a group and will widen your network.This is all real talk
Author PJKino Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 You DO need a good attitude, no matter what you look like. So don't think I am saying that personality / attitude doesn't matter, it does. In your situation, you need to put yourself in situations where you are spending some regular time with women so they get to know you without the dating pre-text. Ex: meet up groups or sports teams or book clubs, just something where you are around a group and will widen your network. ehh ive tried..kinda frustrating to become friends in hopes this women will see my true personality over a long period of time and maybe decide to date me but probably not
InJest Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 ehh ive tried..kinda frustrating to become friends in hopes this women will see my true personality over a long period of time and maybe decide to date me but probably not That's a weak mindset from the start. You're never going to convert friends to dates, if that's your goal from the outset. It's one thing if chemistry naturally grows between friends, but to use that as your plan is just laughable. Are there any other qualities you have that are attractive? Are you passionate about anything? Are you good at anything?
Badsingularity Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You see it a lot on here lately though i dont buy most people who say it actually beleive it they just do it to look good with other posters but the whole idea that people will find you attractive if you find yourself attractive is the biggest bunch of sappy unicorn and rainbows fluff ever I try to go approach women with a positive mindset it doesnt magically make them attracted to me,im an unattractive man and no persona will change that,i have highly insecure friends who get tons of women because they are good looking so women are attracted to them.. The dating world is vapid shallow and cruel to some of us and theryes nothing worgn with admitting it..Lying to ourselves and saying its about whats on the inside how you feel about yourself and other bs is only gonna set us up for more failure while getting our hopes up to just have them eventually crushed.. Nothing wrong with admitting the decks stacked against you and that getting even one person attracted to you could be a very hard task.. Incorrect. The vast majority of men and many women do not completely understand what triggers a womens subcioncious mind to allow her to feel chemistry. Take an average looking man. If he is strong, assertive, charismatic, a leader, a badass he will be able to turn many women on just by looking at them, talking to them or merely being near them. He will have options guaranteed. If he is weak willed, passive, spineless, meek, cowardly, whiny, he will not be turning any women on. Good looks can work at first, but if he displays the characteristics of the second man, any attraction a woman felt for him based on his looks will quickly plummet. A mans belief in himself affects his behaviour and this belief combined with the behaviour it produces can have a powerful effect on women. Also. To say that I say these things just to "look good with other posters" is laughable. 4
Author PJKino Posted June 18, 2012 Author Posted June 18, 2012 That's a weak mindset from the start. You're never going to convert friends to dates, if that's your goal from the outset. It's one thing if chemistry naturally grows between friends, but to use that as your plan is just laughable. Thats not my plan that was what the poster i responded to was suggesting since im not attractive enough to get somebody attracted to me with a cold approach
gaius Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You must be approaching women out of your league if you have a good attitude and still aren't getting anywhere. A friend of mine is like that, he's always complaining but picks women 10 years younger or much much much thinner than he is. He's as big as a house.
Necris Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 You must be approaching women out of your league if you have a good attitude and still aren't getting anywhere. A friend of mine is like that, he's always complaining but picks women 10 years younger or much much much thinner than he is. He's as big as a house. If the OP is like me then you are probably wrong. In my case most women in general reject me I typically talk to average looking girls but that doesn't make anything easier they reject me as well. External validation is important you can have all the confidence in the world but it doesn't change how attractive you are. In my case I find that women seem to never find me attractive I'm rejected 100% of the time and in the rare case a woman appears to be showing some small amount of interest she is either playing me or I'm misinterpreting. Therefore I can conclude women aren't interested in me and something is probably wrong with me since I am the common denominator in this. Confidence I guess would help a little as you would probably subconciously do things that would make you look more attractive but in the grand scheme of things your actual external appearance is more important. To say external validation isn't important or of lesser importance would be like saying the way the interviewer feels about you and your qualifications for a job isn't important as long as you feel right about it.
somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 It only applies to good looking people who for whatever reason, don't feel attractive.
MaxNoob Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Good looking + confidence = relationship Good looking + no confidence = relationship Average looks + confidence = relationship Average looks + no confidence = friend zone Ugly + confidence = friend zone Ugly + no confidence = friend zone 4
somedude81 Posted June 18, 2012 Posted June 18, 2012 Good looking + confidence = relationship Good looking + no confidence = relationship Average looks + confidence = relationship Average looks + no confidence = friend zone Ugly + confidence = friend zone Ugly + no confidence = friend zone Hey look, there's me!
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Good looking + confidence = relationship Good looking + no confidence = relationship Average looks + confidence = relationship Average looks + no confidence = friend zone Ugly + confidence = friend zone Ugly + no confidence = friend zone So elegant in its simplicity.
betterdeal Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Feeling good about yourself is one way to make the days more enjoyable, whether you're single or in a relationship. 4
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Feeling good about yourself is one way to make the days more enjoyable, whether you're single or in a relationship. I couldn't agree more. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think the "Lovable Losers" even care about this...they want to get laid...and nothing is going to change their mind until they do... 1
january2011 Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 There are some women who don't friendzone guys just because they're ugly. I also don't base my attraction to a guy (and the success of the relationship) purely on my perception of their rating on two dimensions.
kaylan Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Hit the gym, hit the shopping areas, get sexy, and stop beating yourself up. 3
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 I also don't base my attraction to a guy (and the success of the relationship) purely on my perception of their rating on two dimensions. This has been a topic that I've been very tempted to create a thread on, and something that has been on my mind lately... LS isn't the real world...and for every one of you or any of the other mature and self-aware individuals on LS, there are five women out there in the real world who will base attraction purely on two dimensions...
USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 Hit the gym, hit the shopping areas, get sexy, and stop beating yourself up. This is a fantastic start...
Necromancer Posted June 19, 2012 Posted June 19, 2012 People who don't give a **** about anything they say, are from my experience much, much more fun to be around than average people. I agree with what you are saying. Looks are huge advantage. One day we will all die and be forgotten act and behave in that way.
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