I don't believe people saying that

[without]

I don't believe it when people claim they "love" someone and they dump them, nor i believe when they say they know someone is good for them but they don't want to date.

 

i think they're lying. any comments?

[Sugarkane]

I agree if you love someone you probably wouldn't be dumping them.

[Philosoraptor]

You can love someone but know that they aren't good for you. You can also know someone is good for you but not have any feelings for them.

 

It's simply passion versus compatibility. One without the other just doesn't seem to end in happiness.

 

I've had a relationship with no compatibility but a ton of passion, it was as wonderful as it was heartbreaking. I had one based on great compatibility but the feelings just weren't there nor were they growing the way they needed to. It was more like a sibling relationship than a romantic one.

[k100danny]

I do believe you can still love someone and want to leave. I admit that certain parts of that love might now be gone and they may love you in a different way than you love them. people say love is made up of 3 parts and you can have different combinations resulting in different types of love. also some people tend to think if things in rational terms as a defence mechanism so they may love you but know that it is not for the best to stay together and then they have the power to leave.

 

I do understand what you mean that they can't love you the way you still do and that may be the case But i don't think it means someone doesn't love you just that they have reached a point that their feelings have changed in one way or another and I don't think after that feelings can go back to what they were. please feel free to correct me if you think i am wrong.

[without]

You can love someone but know that they aren't good for you. You can also know someone is good for you but not have any feelings for them.

 

It's simply passion versus compatibility. One without the other just doesn't seem to end in happiness.

 

I've had a relationship with no compatibility but a ton of passion, it was as wonderful as it was heartbreaking. I had one based on great compatibility but the feelings just weren't there nor were they growing the way they needed to. It was more like a sibling relationship than a romantic one.

 

I believe if we're not compatible we can't fall in love.

[without]

I do believe you can still love someone and want to leave. I admit that certain parts of that love might now be gone and they may love you in a different way than you love them. people say love is made up of 3 parts and you can have different combinations resulting in different types of love. also some people tend to think if things in rational terms as a defence mechanism so they may love you but know that it is not for the best to stay together and then they have the power to leave.

 

I do understand what you mean that they can't love you the way you still do and that may be the case But i don't think it means someone doesn't love you just that they have reached a point that their feelings have changed in one way or another and I don't think after that feelings can go back to what they were. please feel free to correct me if you think i am wrong.

 

care to explain more about three parts?

 

what im trying to say is that they definitely don't love you or as you may say love you the way they did, so they leave.

 

i mean it doesn't make any sense to me I may "like" someone and dump them, but i can never "love" someone and dump them.

 

nor i can see clearly i like someone and see a future together and see we're good together and not date them.

[Philosoraptor]

I certainly hope you don't have to experience it. You need to be compatible in certain ways in order for a relationship to succeed. She and I were compatible in many ways but not in a few of the key areas.

[without]

I certainly hope you don't have to experience it. You need to be compatible in certain ways in order for a relationship to succeed. She and I were compatible in many ways but not in a few of the key areas.

 

it needs those certain keys for you to fall in love and be deep in it.in my idea.

[Philosoraptor]

it needs those certain keys for you to fall in love and be deep in it.in my idea.

You can fall in love with a person before you know whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with them. This relationship lasted 4.5 years, it was no fling. Didn't want to give it up but eventually it got to the point where it ending was the only option.

 

Again, I hope you never find passion without the correct long term compatibility. You see many threads here with that being the issue.

[without]

You can fall in love with a person before you know whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with them. This relationship lasted 4.5 years, it was no fling. Didn't want to give it up but eventually it got to the point where it ending was the only option.

 

Again, I hope you never find passion without the correct long term compatibility. You see many threads here with that being the issue.

 

can you explain it more?

[k100danny]

Certain elements make up love such as passion, commitment ect. you can have certain ones and not others this explains how you love family members differently to romantic partners. We also as humans overlook things in the start of a relationship due to certain levels of attraction which become more apparent the longer you are together and the differences start to show.

 

You can love someone but no longer be sexually attracted if that wears off that is what i mean by different types of love, you can love and care for someone but not be commited to them

[without]

Certain elements make up love such as passion, commitment ect. you can have certain ones and not others this explains how you love family members differently to romantic partners. We also as humans overlook things in the start of a relationship due to certain levels of attraction which become more apparent the longer you are together and the differences start to show.

 

You can love someone but no longer be sexually attracted if that wears off that is what i mean by different types of love, you can love and care for someone but not be commited to them

 

you can suddenly feel no more attracted sexually?

[Philosoraptor]

can you explain it more?

Sure, why not.

 

You fall in love with who a person is, not how they live their lives nor their beliefs in everything. It's why you see so many people completely head over heels with junkies and such.

 

In my case well just talk about one issue which was family. I was in love before we had some of the discussions regarding how to raise children and how to deal with our own respective families. Even though I loved her I couldn't continue to put myself or my future dreams lower on the totem pole. This is where the wonderful but heartbreaking comes into play from earlier. As much as I did love her I also couldn't bear to live the life that she wanted, and she was unwilling to meet in the middle. The breakup, as tough as it was, was a blessing in disguise. I learned so much from that relationship about myself, about love, and about how to approach things in the future.

[without]

Sure, why not.

 

You fall in love with who a person is, not how they live their lives nor their beliefs in everything. It's why you see so many people completely head over heels with junkies and such.

 

In my case well just talk about one issue which was family. I was in love before we had some of the discussions regarding how to raise children and how to deal with our own respective families. Even though I loved her I couldn't continue to put myself or my future dreams lower on the totem pole. This is where the wonderful but heartbreaking comes into play from earlier. As much as I did love her I also couldn't bear to live the life that she wanted, and she was unwilling to meet in the middle. The breakup, as tough as it was, was a blessing in disguise. I learned so much from that relationship about myself, about love, and about how to approach things in the future.

 

i guess i got you mean, i think the part that we have to work things out and sometimes we give up or the other person, didn't work out. she apparently as you say didn't even meet in the middle...:sigh:

[without]

then again "i" don't have the power to break up with someone i love.

[Philosoraptor]

then again "i" don't have the power to break up with someone i love.

It comes to the point of loving yourself enough to do what's best for you.

[k100danny]

^^^^^ Exactly this when it comes to breaking up. It doesn't mean you are weak if you don't break up though. attachment to someone can be a very strong thing and make you stay through a lot. some people get attachment mixed up with love also.

 

Not breaking up with someone you love but know isn't right for you isn't doing them any favours either. you both owe it to yourself to be as happy as you can be. it sounds selfish but compromise is a part of a relationship but you can only compromise so much before it effects both of you.

 

Ideally someone will want the same as you and be at the same point in their life but this isnt always the case, you may be very attracted to each other and develop a strong bond and even be in love but this is emotions ruling your head sometimes. I have been in relationships were I know for a fact this person isn't good for me but ive been attached and still attracted, had a hard time getting over them and then realised it wasnt love at all and i wish i had just accepted it at the time but emotions are hard to control. you will one day be thankful if it doesnt work out as you have another chance with someone else.

[without]

k100danny you didn't answer my question is it really possible to suddenly lose interest in someone? eg sexually?

[without]

^^^^^ Exactly this when it comes to breaking up. It doesn't mean you are weak if you don't break up though. attachment to someone can be a very strong thing and make you stay through a lot. some people get attachment mixed up with love also.

 

Not breaking up with someone you love but know isn't right for you isn't doing them any favours either. you both owe it to yourself to be as happy as you can be. it sounds selfish but compromise is a part of a relationship but you can only compromise so much before it effects both of you.

 

Ideally someone will want the same as you and be at the same point in their life but this isnt always the case, you may be very attracted to each other and develop a strong bond and even be in love but this is emotions ruling your head sometimes. I have been in relationships were I know for a fact this person isn't good for me but ive been attached and still attracted, had a hard time getting over them and then realised it wasnt love at all and i wish i had just accepted it at the time but emotions are hard to control. you will one day be thankful if it doesnt work out as you have another chance with someone else.

 

I know it may be better but i just don't have the guts i think.

my break up made me see how terrifying a BU can be...I can't bear to do what my ex has done to me , to someone else.

so i either avoid relationships or I try to not break up.

 

it's a family thing too , we're more comfortable in settling down and fight and solve as much as possible, but before my break up i was more "courageous" i guess. but even back then i never wanted someone feel bad because of me.

maybe i'm just too emotional...

[k100danny]

I don't think it happens suddenly but a lot of things make sexual attraction. I have found women so beautiful and attracted but when ive got to know them I havent been attracted at all. Other people I have grown toward in attraction. attraction is a very odd thing. but once someone isn't happy I think they lose some sexual attraction yes. They don't think you are ugly or anything but attraction works on much more than just looks no matter what people tell you.

 

Attraction is based on several factors that are quite complex and I am not a psychologist so i wont try to explain by rambling on for pages and pages but I have read a lot of psychological books about the subject and what makes humans attracted to one another and this might shock you but we tend to fall for people who, are close in distance from us, we interact with more, who confirm what we believe about ourselves and people who we feels in balance with socially and on a level of attractiveness. it really is complex but interesting.

[without]

I don't think it happens suddenly but a lot of things make sexual attraction. I have found women so beautiful and attracted but when ive got to know them I havent been attracted at all. Other people I have grown toward in attraction. attraction is a very odd thing. but once someone isn't happy I think they lose some sexual attraction yes. They don't think you are ugly or anything but attraction works on much more than just looks no matter what people tell you.

 

Attraction is based on several factors that are quite complex and I am not a psychologist so i wont try to explain by rambling on for pages and pages but I have read a lot of psychological books about the subject and what makes humans attracted to one another and this might shock you but we tend to fall for people who, are close in distance from us, we interact with more, who confirm what we believe about ourselves and people who we feels in balance with socially and on a level of attractiveness. it really is complex but interesting.

 

I really like to read about human behavior and psychology.

I got what you meant but just thinking someone who likes us can suddenly

lose interest makes me so depressed and stressed.

I don't know if i am emotional as I mentioned above or not but I've been told by a guy , well obviously not a very healthy one that i'm too kind for him, then again i think he has deep problems(you can read about him in my thread if u want) but since then I'm not comfortable and i think everything i do guys are gonna hate me and i have to act so cold...

[ladyabstrused]

then again "i" don't have the power to break up with someone i love.

 

I felt this way myself. But how much can one take from all the pain and heartache? I loved my ex very much. So much so that I put up with almost everything and took the blame for everything. It changed me entirely. Came to a point where it was so mentally and emotionally exhausting that I didn't feel anything. I've now lost my own self and feel totally messed up inside.

 

Honestly didn't have the heart to break up with ex. Despite the love and care I had for my ex, it happened. Blamed love for a bit there but I know, it was mainly the compatibility between us. Love can be so unpredictable. Just like how life is.

 

You can love someone so much. But if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be, in my opinion.

[HeavenOrHell]

To me someone's beliefs or outlook on life is a huge part of who they are and a major part of why I fall in love with them. It also matters how they live their lives.

 

 

Sure, why not.

 

You fall in love with who a person is, not how they live their lives nor their beliefs in everything. It's why you see so many people completely head over heels with junkies and such.

 

In my case well just talk about one issue which was family. I was in love before we had some of the discussions regarding how to raise children and how to deal with our own respective families. Even though I loved her I couldn't continue to put myself or my future dreams lower on the totem pole. This is where the wonderful but heartbreaking comes into play from earlier. As much as I did love her I also couldn't bear to live the life that she wanted, and she was unwilling to meet in the middle. The breakup, as tough as it was, was a blessing in disguise. I learned so much from that relationship about myself, about love, and about how to approach things in the future.

[olddirtyspatula]

I loved my ex very much. So much so that I put up with almost everything and took the blame for everything. It changed me entirely. Came to a point where it was so mentally and emotionally exhausting that I didn't feel anything. I've now lost my own self and feel totally messed up inside.

 

There's no honor in subjugating yourself for someone else. You'll just end up hating them for ignoring your unmet needs that were so obvious to you and completely unknown to them, and they'll have no idea where your rage came from because they thought they did everything you wanted, since you never asked them for more. If you do everything for them without telling them what you need in return it doesn't mean that you love them more than they love you, it means you don't love yourself enough to risk losing them over standing up for yourself. If your speaking up for yourself makes them leave you they never loved you in the first place, they were only there because you made life easy for them. In the long run getting rid of your attachment to that person will be a good thing. If you speak up for yourself and they give you what you need, awesome. You'll be living the dream.

[ladyabstrused]

There's no honor in subjugating yourself for someone else. You'll just end up hating them for ignoring your unmet needs that were so obvious to you and completely unknown to them, and they'll have no idea where your rage came from because they thought they did everything you wanted, since you never asked them for more. If you do everything for them without telling them what you need in return it doesn't mean that you love them more than they love you, it means you don't love yourself enough to risk losing them over standing up for yourself. If your speaking up for yourself makes them leave you they never loved you in the first place, they were only there because you made life easy for them. In the long run getting rid of your attachment to that person will be a good thing. If you speak up for yourself and they give you what you need, awesome. You'll be living the dream.

 

Very true. In my case, my needs were most of the time unacceptable or it meant that I didn't love my ex enough or it meant that I wanted to cheat. No matter what I said of what I wanted or needed, it somehow always leads to those things and would threaten to leave or something like that. I was stupid so I stopped communicating of my own needs, pushed them aside. Eventually, yes, I started to feel resentment. It was partly my fault I suppose, for not standing up for myself which somewhat led the other person on.

 

It's done though, what can I do. I'll learn not to be that way anymore. Gotta be honest first and foremost and if the guy doesn't like it, move on. It's not the end of the world right.