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Giving up OLD... I'm not a happy camper


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Posted

Three things stood out in your original post and two have been mentioned already.

 

I haven't read the entire thread but you said you have been separated two years. Why aren't you divorced? It think it's a certain type of man or woman who will intentionally dated someone separated because they assume you just want "to have fun." I don't date separated men for that reason.

  • Author
Posted

 

I haven't read the entire thread but you said you have been separated two years. Why aren't you divorced? It think it's a certain type of man or woman who will intentionally dated someone separated because they assume you just want "to have fun." I don't date separated men for that reason.

 

I am not divorced because I didn't get married in this country, and it has been really complicated. We will both have to go back together to our country and sign in presence of each other and with our schedule it's going to be hard to coordinate, though I'm hoping the latest would be the end of this year. I don't think it had anything to do though, that part didn't even came up with those guys. Initially that's what I truly wanted, to have fun, I know I am to blame. I just thought I was ready for that game.

 

Now that I mention that, that's something that hasn't really worked on my favor, the fact that I'm not originally from this country, some people think I might be looking for someone to take advantage from. I don't need anybody for anything other than company, I have my job, I support myself, I am here legally and I have all the tools to stay here if I want to, but it makes everything harder.

Posted
the fact that I'm not originally from this country, some people think I might be looking for someone to take advantage from.

 

Or that you might move back and expect them to move.

Posted

You're a single mom who works a demanding job. Right away guys look at you as a piece not as a person. No single man with options wants a relationship with a single mom. He just wants the sex and will put in minimal effort to get it.

 

Your best bet: date other divorcees with kids. You both got baggage and will appreciate each other.

  • Like 1
Posted
Well....I'm going to give you the honest truth about a lot of things, and it might break you down before it builds you up but you're in desperate need of help as you're essentially outmatched with the type of men you are dating, in terms of dating experience..so I'll bring you up to speed.

 

First off...none of these men really cared all that much about you. You may not be a whore, but you honestly kinda act like one (in their eyes).

 

You go with the flow, put yourself in demeaning situations...then sit there and come back for more. An experienced man with options recognizes this foolishness and will not even come close to respecting you...and this is shown through their actions. Men test the boundaries...you're like the fat kid that everyone picks on because they let you and even though they might feel bad for you, they'll still continue to do it and maybe feel badly about it and shake their head because you should defend yourself, but you don't so you get treated like a doormat. Well I'm the person that's coming up to you right now and telling you, stop letting people treat you like this, you've got to stand up for yourself and have some self respect.

 

The more pathetic of standards they can put you in and will acutally stay in or come back for more....the more respect they lose for you and laugh at you behind your back with their friends...you become a story to tell, a sexual experience and then they push it as far and long as you'll let them take it. No man is going to take your serious or give a damn what you do, or who you are, or what you've accomplished If you treat yourself cheap. And how many men are going to be honest and forward with you if it prevents them from getting laid? not many, but you don't even ask...so they can just put that on you anyway. You're just another dumb girl falling in love with their looks and a few other qualities, these guys have been there done that, now they know how to take advantage of the dumb girl...they know you're waiting, hoping, and will eventually want/ask for more...when that time comes it's time to play busy and make excuses which come in many shape and forms.

 

When a man doesn't take a woman seriously, your positives...like being a doctor, is only a perk. In fact, when he tells his friends what you do for a living It's more to brag, and then to embarrass you...because he tells his friends at a later time all the dumb ***** he put you through and you still stuck around....proving how stupid and naive an educated woman can be. It's a notch with a golden star on his belt for dooping you and shagging a higher prize on the totem pole...something to give him a confident boost. But If he isn't considering you're worth the investment because it took nothing to earn your affections and more importantly sex, it doesn't matter how nice, sweet, loving you can be...you're basically a walking vagina and that's what they'll treat you like....you don't deserve a mans most valuable commodity...his time, effort, investment, care....genuine things that actually men don't like to do for a girl acting like you. For these guys you are as typical as typical gets, you're just something to use up, and you prove that by standing by and If you leave...oh well, big loss there, what did it cost them? a few moments of half ass effort?

 

For guy #1, you were just another piece of ass sitting at his bar.

 

For guy #2, you're just some random girl who takes 1-3 dates to break down her mighty wall....he used you for sex on his end....whether you wanted it or not doesn't really matter for him and now he just wants to see if you'll still be around for the same thing when he gets back...you're just a sex toy, I doubt you mean anything at all to this guy. It makes me wonder where you think this guy is truly interested in more, because he'll have sex with a woman?

 

Secondly, this is not awkward at all. You're another woman who thinks she's entitled to a good man, so she goes out there, sleeps with a few guys then wonders why she's still alone. Sorry, but it takes more sense than.

 

Your inexperience in dating is really hurting you, you managed to get married and have a child in your last relationship which lasted a significant period of time where you would have picked up at least some of these experiences...unless you by chance found a guy who was looking to settle down with the right girl (which you probably would have rejected anyway) then to guys who go around using women...right now you're like a fresh naive 22 year old...easy pickings for men your age, even younger, and wouldn't even require any real effort from an older man/more experienced man....you'd believe everything you wanted to believe, it wouldn't take many lies to hold you on the line, and it wouldn't take much effort to keep you there, your own emotions would do the work for the man.

 

Because honestly, there are plenty of women who are victims of the same crap and there will continue to be until the end of time because every woman always thinks its different, can change a man, doesn't care until its too late and finds out she actually does care, or just figures people are more genuine and honest out there and believes every sexual relationship will become a relationship...you essentially missed the memo while you were married.

 

Finally, even though with the above said...It's not even really necessarily you. You couldn't go back to a drawing board and figure this out, this isn't a math problem..these guys knew what level of investment you were as soon as they started getting to know you and checking off a list in their head of if you had the right stuff to take it further and if you would be long-term, just sex, short relatinship material that might by chance progress to more...your destiny was chosen early on and there was nothing you can do to change that.

 

They didn't feel emotionally connected and attached to you...sure maybe chemistry, sexual energy and human nature of attraction but for one, these guys don't sound like two guys who were looking to settle down,,,basically one owns a bar, alwasy busy, has his own life to attend to, and has you sitting at a bar like an idiot waiting for him...so what makes you think you'd become priority number 1 all of a sudden? didn't you realize it when he wasn't make it time or did you actually believe a man who's falling for a girl is just too busy? and with the other guy, no serious talk about a potential relationship, just banging you, kind of like a hooker "I'll take you out, feed you, cook with you...then bang you at the end of the night...sounds much cheaper than a hooker actually!" The guy starts to drift away so you contact him and reel him back in, he sees a big sign that says "Free sex"..so he comes back, tries to poke you without a condom to see IF he could, unfortunatel you're a doctor and know too much about STD's to let that happen and he hasn't exactly been on the deep emotional level with you, so you reject.

 

There are things you should be thinking about, that you are just too naive to be thinking about because you get caught up in these douchebags. You haven't learned that just because you have a first, second, third great date..doesn't mean it's anything more than sex. Men don't just connect with a woman because he sleeps with her, as you may have noticed good looking/capable men aren't going to settle for the first thing that comes along just because she's cute, intelligent, yadda yadda yadda, who cares...you know how many women out there say that about themselves? It's an emotional freight train that changes a man or makes him want to work and dedicate a helluva lot more than a random FBuddy, and that you cannot control, you can't make a man feel this way or prove yourself, it just happens and when it does you'll notice a lot of things change, much more from these situations.

 

You've got to really read up on these forums that cover specific topics on dating because this would take me all night, but trust me your situation couldn't be more normal, stop thinking you're the exception to the rule...understand the rules of the games, men and their motives and ways....dating is a cruel world, its cold-hearted, men and women get hurt without empathy or sympathy if they're not on gaurd or prepared to accept the reality and be able to filter out the good or the bad. You've got to be the difference maker in this equation, learn from your experiences and become wiser before dating anyone else...chances are you'll just date another guy looking for sex that you'll get emotionally tied up in adn end up here back on the forums...educate yourself on dating, learn to tell what is genuine from men and what are weak actions, words, and gestures that you're taking way too far and seriously...It'll save a lot of potential heartbreak and you'll end up around the few blocks quick and before you knwo it.

 

That's really nice and all...

 

I'm wondering what makes these guys think they are a great catch themselves... or why they think they are hot sh*t because they get a piece of ass.

 

They can go ahead and talk trash all day and THINK they are getting over.

 

At the end of the day, they'll be a washed up loser sitting at the bar telling stories about their 'glory' days and all the women they 'banged'.

 

Whatever.

Posted
they are a lot better off than a guy who reaches 30 and hasn't gotten any.

 

Really? I've never met a guy who couldn't get laid at all. Usually they have these rather arbitrary 'pickiness' standards so they can avoid intimacy. Or they have mental issues.

Posted (edited)

... back to the OP though...

 

Even though I'm not hanging out with the three-date losers... it is getting quite old to think that women have to hold themselves out to be some celibate princess just to make some guy happy... especially when he is not holding similar standards for himself. Anyway... I'm sure the OP is quite capable of making reasonable decisions for herself.

 

Her biggest mistake, IMHO, is having anything to do with OLD. People act in some pretty interesting ways when they think noone is watching and they can be anonymous. Both men and women. It is pretty much a cesspool if you ask me.

 

She is a doctor. She should avoid OLD like the plague. Develop her social network and make men pass those filters. Sure, a few parasites will get through that net. Not many though... and the ones that do don't manage it for long before the group figures it out.

 

Here's something else for the gents... I don't give a flying rat's *ss about making a guy jump through hoops and making douchebags come around and treat me special... as if 'winning' a guy like that means anything.

 

There is nothing attractive about man-whores or ones who have treated women badly in the past. They've got 'jerk' written all over their foreheads. Run don't walk if guys like these try to 'test' you.

 

I had some guy tell me that not long ago. That he was trying to push me sexually as a 'test'. I laughed and said "Right. Well, does it occur to you that you pushing like that is a test for you? Ah. No. Guess not. Well, have a nice day. (Click)". Of course, the guy called me like 10 times after that trying to get back in my good graces. Idiot.

Edited by RedRobin
Posted
they're out there. more than you think. some are picky, but most ease up on this well before 30 to the point where they have almost no standards. some have mental issues. but lots just don't have the charisma or good enough social skills or whatnot. when they do put in the effort, none of you will give him a chance because it's "too much pressure" to be someone's first at that age. girls will run faster than a gazelle if they find out and they can read between the lines even if you don't tell them. most of the over 30 who can't get laid at all are ashamed of it and hide. believe me, being some washed up jerk in a bar is far more appealing than being a guy who can't get any.

 

The washed up losers are usually quite hateful. Their lives are nothing to emulate. They run with circles of other hateful people and pat each other on the back over their petty 'victories'.

Posted

OP,

 

 

I think naivete and innocence is charming and something to hold onto. There are people who have experienced the world who have managed not to give up their faith in love and connection.

 

Being innocent and hopeful is nothing to be ashamed about at all. If someone abuses your trust, it is on them. You don't have to keep putting up with it though, that is true.

 

What's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Men you might meet on OLD aren't worth your time. I think you can do much better IRL. Just need to be patient.

Posted
they are hateful and are nothing to emulate and you and lots of others would run from them. but they still abouve guys the age of 30 and above who can't get laid at all. most would run from both groups but even more would run from those who can't get laid at all. in short a washed up guy has better prospects than someone who's never been laid.

 

Ok. Well, keep telling yourself that.

 

I have an uncle whose heart was broken in his 20's when the love of his life and fiancee was killed in a tragic accident.

 

He remained celibate and alone into his 50's, when he met a wonderful, caring widow. They've been happily married over 20 years now.

Posted

Look. Men are going to be who they are and who they've always been. It's in their DNA to spread their seed, so to speak, and their brains are wired in such a way to fulfill that very primal urge. And yeah, a lot of times it turns them into douchebags. I can't hate them for it, but I CAN be smart about it.

 

OP, men absolutely love a woman who loves herself. It emulates from every pore. I'm sorry but you have not acted in a way that tells men that you place high value on yourself and your heart. You are "falling" for men who have done nothing whatsoever to earn it. Men value what they have to work for. With your actions you are saying, go ahead, put in minimal effort, treat me like crap, but I'll fall for you anyway (and bring you gifts). Does this sound like someone who loves herself? Nope.

 

I think that is the biggest thing at play here - not necessarily OLD in and of itself. I have friends who have had great success dating online. But you're approaching dating from a place of need and insecurity, not with confidence and self-worth. Men pick up on this almost instantly and they will prey on that. You are way too accommodating and it's time to get a little bit of your b*tch back.

Posted

I was virgin until age 22 and married my first and was with him for 7 years, and now I've slept with 3 guys in 2 years? 2 in 6 months? And like this? I thought I had learned my lesson but obviously I didnt... And I'm not an unstable person, I don't have any psychiatric issues and I've gone through a lot and have done just fine, but something is not right with this picture... I know if anybody answers it's going to be something I don't want to hear, but I need some insight to get out of the mess im getting myself into... I'm finally ready to have a normal relationship and not give myself so easily yet it seems I don't get the chance to show people what a great thing would be for me to be with them... Sorry this got so long but it feels good to let it all out...

 

Aw, don't feel bad. I slept with five guys in two years and made no bones about it. It was fun.

 

Not saying you should sleep with men indiscriminately, but when do have sex and have a good time, don't beat yourself up about it. You're a grown woman, you're allowed to have sex and enjoy it.

 

About your issues with men. You can forgive yourself for having a little fun post-a-serious-relationship. But...from here on out, make sure the guy is courting you a little. He doesn't have to be jumping through hoops for you, just treating you with a bit of respect. That means treating you like a girlfriend that he cares about.

Posted

It's not exactly the fact that you sleep with men early on. Heck I've had great relationships that started out with sex on the first date.

 

It's how you act AFTERWARD. Many women start feeling like they're owed a relationship. If you choose to sleep with a man without the commitment, hey, nothing wrong with that - we've all got needs. But this does not a relationship make. You've got to keep your wits about you. Don't start calling/texting all the time and let him keep coming your way. Don't be so available, and if you're looking for something more serious, certainly don't be showing up for "booty calls". Staying in, watching movies, and hooking up isn't necessarily a date, you just delivered yourself up like a pizza.

 

OP be very clear in thought and action what it is you want. And start acting like you give a damn about yourself.

Posted
... back to the OP though...

 

Even though I'm not hanging out with the three-date losers... it is getting quite old to think that women have to hold themselves out to be some celibate princess just to make some guy happy... especially when he is not holding similar standards for himself. Anyway... I'm sure the OP is quite capable of making reasonable decisions for herself.

 

Her biggest mistake, IMHO, is having anything to do with OLD. People act in some pretty interesting ways when they think noone is watching and they can be anonymous. Both men and women. It is pretty much a cesspool if you ask me.

 

She is a doctor. She should avoid OLD like the plague. Develop her social network and make men pass those filters. Sure, a few parasites will get through that net. Not many though... and the ones that do don't manage it for long before the group figures it out.

 

Here's something else for the gents... I don't give a flying rat's *ss about making a guy jump through hoops and making douchebags come around and treat me special... as if 'winning' a guy like that means anything.

 

There is nothing attractive about man-whores or ones who have treated women badly in the past. They've got 'jerk' written all over their foreheads. Run don't walk if guys like these try to 'test' you.

 

I had some guy tell me that not long ago. That he was trying to push me sexually as a 'test'. I laughed and said "Right. Well, does it occur to you that you pushing like that is a test for you? Ah. No. Guess not. Well, have a nice day. (Click)". Of course, the guy called me like 10 times after that trying to get back in my good graces. Idiot.

 

 

I disagree with OLD being the problem. I mean, she is actually the perfect person for OLD. Single mom with a demanding job in a new city. She doesn't have a built-in social network and she doesn't appear to have a lot of time to go out and casually meet men. At least with OLD she can reach a lot of men while she is working and come back to it in her free time (which could be 4am depending on the shift). Obviously if you are depending on OLD to be your primary means of meeting men, you should probably invest in EHarmony or Match.com and stay away from the free sites like POF or OKC.

 

To me it seems that the OP's main problem with these guys was sleeping with them way too early. It's perfectly fine if her main goal was getting laid. If all she wanted was sex, then she was very successful, but if her goal was a relationship she put out way to early. Even if those guys were available and open to a LTR, that prospect fizzles if she gives him sex too early. From a male perspective a girl putting out too early leads me to believe one of two things:

 

(1) She is a slut / can't be trusted. If I got in her pants this early, how can I trust her around other men? This might not be true or fair, but considering what you know of her it is a definite possibility.

 

(2) She isn't interested in a LTR. Women who put out right away aren't looking for anything serious. This is mostly because, from my experience anyway, relationship women don't give sex on the first date.

 

I think the OP should take this as a learning experience and not beat herself up too much. Lesson learned and it seemed like she scratched that sexual itch at the same time. Next time make him wait. If he has any interest in you as a person he will stay around long enough and the wait will be worth it. No lie. Absolute minimum 5 dates.

Posted (edited)
I disagree with OLD being the problem. I mean, she is actually the perfect person for OLD. Single mom with a demanding job in a new city. She doesn't have a built-in social network and she doesn't appear to have a lot of time to go out and casually meet men. At least with OLD she can reach a lot of men while she is working and come back to it in her free time (which could be 4am depending on the shift). Obviously if you are depending on OLD to be your primary means of meeting men, you should probably invest in EHarmony or Match.com and stay away from the free sites like POF or OKC.

 

To me it seems that the OP's main problem with these guys was sleeping with them way too early. It's perfectly fine if her main goal was getting laid. If all she wanted was sex, then she was very successful, but if her goal was a relationship she put out way to early. Even if those guys were available and open to a LTR, that prospect fizzles if she gives him sex too early. From a male perspective a girl putting out too early leads me to believe one of two things:

 

(1) She is a slut / can't be trusted. If I got in her pants this early, how can I trust her around other men? This might not be true or fair, but considering what you know of her it is a definite possibility.

 

(2) She isn't interested in a LTR. Women who put out right away aren't looking for anything serious. This is mostly because, from my experience anyway, relationship women don't give sex on the first date.

 

I think the OP should take this as a learning experience and not beat herself up too much. Lesson learned and it seemed like she scratched that sexual itch at the same time. Next time make him wait. If he has any interest in you as a person he will stay around long enough and the wait will be worth it. No lie. Absolute minimum 5 dates.

 

Last time I checked... his d*ck was attached to his body.

 

A man who pushes for sex early is not 'relationship material' either. The days are over when men get to do whatever they want and push off responsibility for sexual timing on the woman.

 

If you (or these guys) are having ONS or sex on the first date, they are as big or bigger a liability than any woman. Those guys wouldn't be faithful anyway. No loss.

 

...back to the OLD thing... it is convenient, but that is the problem. Way too convenient, which is why it attracts losers like flies.

Edited by RedRobin
Posted (edited)

I've just read your older posts, OP, and - I'm sorry but - I've got to say you're coming off as really unstable.

 

At one point, you said something about not being into drama, but this is exactly what you appear to live for: You posted in another thread that your husband emotionally abused you, and then you get guys off in car parks for a first date? You repeat that you are 'just venting' here but then request further help from posters, only to completely ignore it. You keep trying to 'sell' how together your life is, at the moment, but you have not demonstrated that for a second. May I suggest that you take down the picture of yourself you posted, for starters? How would you feel if a patient of yours happened to recognise you? (Is that you in your profile pic, too - looks a bit different to the in-thread image - if so, change it!) You appear to be craving attention.

 

You have a child and he/she will learn about relationships through you. For both your sakes, please commit to some in-depth analysis so you can begin to get a grip on your desperate desire to be loved. Truly, I'm sorry at how harsh I sound but I really believe there are some serious issues at play here, and that the kindest thing you could do would be to address them properly.

Edited by mickleb
Posted
Last time I checked... his d*ck was attached to his body.

 

A man who pushes for sex early is not 'relationship material' either. The days are over when men get to do whatever they want and push off responsibility for sexual timing on the woman.

 

If you (or these guys) are having ONS or sex on the first date, they are as big or bigger a liability than any woman. Those guys wouldn't be faithful anyway. No loss.

 

I can only speak from a man's perspective, but I imagine women feel the same way about men who push for sex on the first date...not relationship material. That being said, it seems like OP was pushing for a relationship out of guy #1 and #2 even after they both jumped in the sack right away. So at some level she still considered these guys relationship material. That was her mistake.

 

I was just telling you how I would feel about a woman who would have sex after the first date.

 

...back to the OLD thing... it is convenient, but that is the problem. Way too convenient, which is why it attracts losers like flies.

 

Agreed. I think that's why you need to go for Match.com or Eharmony. Anyone can sign up for free at POF or OKC, but when you need to put down money there is more of a commitment there. Obviously they are going to still have their fair share of losers, but far less than other free sites.

Posted

When I was first divorced I 'played the field' for a few months. Best therapy I could have bought and was worth the trouble that comes with that. I personally definitely needed to do that right after a long relationship. After that time, I had an epiphany when talking with a long divorced neighbor. She told me that she didn't sleep with guys for ten dates. Ten dates???!!!! I said. I said it couldn't be true (she assured me it was). It actually angered me somehow. I thought it was ridiculous at the time. I always figured if a woman wouldn't have sex before three dates she wasn't 'that into me' and I'd move on. It was a revelation. She is a quality lady (no I'm not interested - she's a friend) and I thought if it took ten dates to get with a quality woman then so be it. It isn't about date count. It is what you think about the person. Find someone you care about. Someone that turns you on and you can't wait any longer to have sex with them. Then do it. You'll find someone you really can't live without that way. In the meantime don't beat yourself up because you have a few short term relationships - but know what they are.

Posted
I'm so mad at myself and I think that really awkward things happen to me, and it has to be my fault in some way because it cannot be coincidence...

 

I am 30, a doctor with a good job, was married to my first real boyfriend, he cheated on me and we've been separated for more than 2 years now... We have a daughter that we share custody with and she spends some weekends with her dad which gives me time to... hmm let's say date. I won't say I'm a 10 in looks, not even near but I'm not ugly, I'm a bit overweight but one it has never been a problem for me with guys and second I'm always trying to look better and working out, I know maybe it could have a part on my "bad luck" but that's not it... Im trying to find out why is it so hard for a girl like me to find a good guy to date (besides me making terrible choices)... If you ask any of the people that know me, they would say I am a great catch, my friends husbands are always commenting on how stupid was my ex to let me go... Yet I'm single and getting sick of "dating".

 

Initially I wasn't looking for anything serious, I had been with my ex husband and another boy after him, the only 2 men I had slept with, never been the "ho" kind... But after being treated like a doormat I decided I didn't want to get too involved and just have fun... Yeah right...

 

Met guy #1 and #2 online... They are both good looking, let's say guy #1 would be a 10 for me... Kept in touch on and off for a few months (I was out of the US) and finally came the time to meet them.

 

#1 was all physical since the beginning, we texted every day for a while before meeting in person and all was sexual, so of course our first encounter was sexual... And the second... The third he asked me to come over to his place but he couldn't get out from work (a block from his house) and he asked me to come over to his work which was preeeeetty awkward, he owns a bar and he had me sit there with a drink to tell me at the end he could not get out... I felt everyone there knew why I was there and couldn't have been more embarrassing, when I was leaving I tried to paid for my drink and the bartender said that she didnt think he would have wanted me to pay (so they knew I was "kindda" with him)... Every once in a while I would get mad at the situation and would stop texting him, and he would text... Or I would just think wth I don't care what he thinks and I just want to have fun, but that was BS... Another day he told me to come over to his place again (he had been to my place once and this was my second time to his place and we live an hr away)... Let's say he had more fun than I did cause I couldn't do much (that day of the month) but he was very happy cause he did enjoy all the way... At the end we're just having small talk in his bed when an "ex" according to him interrupted us... Extremely awckward moment yet again... He basically kicked her out and he didn't kick me out but it almost felt like he did, I was half naked in his room and had to dress in a rush and get out of there, after that you would think I wouldn't see him again, right? He texted me asking to meet, I told him I was ready for something more than that (being FB) and that I didn't want to keep doing that, I really meant it, but stupid me its already late and I've felt for that @... I had something I wanted to give to him and never had a chance, something I knew he would appreciate and I didn't have anyone else to give it to, so this weekend I was going to a party close to his place and decided to go take it to him, I was determined to just see him, give him the "gift" and leave thinking he would be as busy as usual or just not be there and I would leave it with someone... For the first time he had enough time to get out from work right away and ask me to drive with him to his place which I wasn't smart enough to refuse... I start pleasing him and when I wanted to get something myself he had no protection, so that wasn't going to happen, and he seemed in a rush to go back to work, as usual (him being in a rush) so I said ok we're done, midway, he said "so you are leaving me like this?" and I said "yes, cause you're leaving me like this"... I was mad and he was laughing... I dropped him back at his work and he said "ok kiddo" yes, another pretty awckward moment, "let me know ahead of time when you're coming again" I said I'm not coming again... He laughed annoyed and said "text me" a few times... I left... I'm so pissed yet I know It's my fault for letting him get away with all his cr$p... And that's not even half of it...

 

Guy #2 is simpler, with him I didn't want it to be all sexual like the first, so we has a first date like normal people, drinks and movie, not even a kiss... Second date he invites me to watch movies at his place and to bring my stuff over "in case it gets too late"... I knew what it meant and of course I didn't take anything with me, I didn't want to stay over, but yet again I end up sleeping with him and staying... Left the next day and didn't hear from him until almost a week and I think I was the one that contacted him... Had a few more dates where we would get together, watch movies or have dinner and always had sex... Then after like 4 months he meets me at a bar where I was with some friends and I was drunk and wanted to spend the night with him at my place, but he had to pack cause he was going to Europe for 6 weeks, which he just told me a week before... We kind of had a fight about it and he asked me if I would be available when he came back, I said I was too drunk to talk about it, but we had never talk about being exclusive or having any serious relationship... Next Day he comes over to my place (after he packed), we cooked together and had sex and then he says good bye cause he's leaving the next day... He basically implied that he wouldn't be in touch while he was gone (yes, he has email, he has whatsapp so there wasnt really any excuse for him to not keep in touch) but then I told him that about me "being available" when he came back it wasn't a fair thing to ask, specially if he wasn't going to keep in touch... It's been 5 weeks and I haven't heard a word from him even though I've seen him online on my email chat... I'm so pissed I don't know what I'd do if he calls me when he comes back, don't even know if he will...

 

Wtf is going on with me? I think I might know and I'm just in denial, I am not this type of girl or maybe I just don't want to believe I am, I've always been a good girl to be acting this way now, I was virgin until age 22 and married my first and was with him for 7 years, and now I've slept with 3 guys in 2 years? 2 in 6 months? And like this? I thought I had learned my lesson but obviously I didnt... And I'm not an unstable person, I don't have any psychiatric issues and I've gone through a lot and have done just fine, but something is not right with this picture... I know if anybody answers it's going to be something I don't want to hear, but I need some insight to get out of the mess im getting myself into... I'm finally ready to have a normal relationship and not give myself so easily yet it seems I don't get the chance to show people what a great thing would be for me to be with them... Sorry this got so long but it feels good to let it all out...

 

I couldn't get through this thread. Please learn the process of editing. You can truly save a life. :cool:

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