I subtly asked a girl if she had a boyfriend, was I probably obvious about it anyway?

[Emissary]

This is kind of a continuation from a previous thread relating to my current activities. Short story short, there's a regular customer I've been interested in for a while, wanted to at least find out her name and if she's seeing anybody.

 

Anyway, today I managed to get the most crucial bit of information, she does have a boyfriend. I asked her personally, though I'm wondering if the way I went about it was fairly obvious.

 

She mentioned a week ago being hung over and that she rarely ever partied or drank. I was chatting with her today and asked off-hand if she had any more wild nights to speak of, she said no, and mentioned again how she rarely ever parties. I asked her what she usually did to pass the time then, she said she usually just stays at home, maybe spends some time with her dog.

 

I then asked, "no boyfriend or anything?" To which I got the reply that she has a boyfriend, just he's out of town for a while.

 

Anyway, I'm just wondering if I already put her on alert that I'm quite possibly interested in her. Is this a good thing? Bad thing? Neutral even?

[D-Lish]

Well, it's interesting it took more than a couple of questions to mention she even had a boyfriend, and instead chose to mention her dog instead. When she did mention him, she made sure to say he was out of town.

 

The other side of the coin is- imagine you were HER boyfriend and she didn't mention you straight away and said you were out of town.

 

So- is there a window of opportunity here, perhaps. Do you want a girl like this for a relationship? I'm not sure.

[mortensorchid]

Well, you ARE/WERE interested in her, so why would you have asked if she has one or not? And if she didn't, you would've moved in with the hopes of her choosing you, right?

[Emissary]

Well, it's interesting it took more than a couple of questions to mention she even had a boyfriend, and instead chose to mention her dog instead. When she did mention him, she made sure to say he was out of town.

 

The other side of the coin is- imagine you were HER boyfriend and she didn't mention you straight away and said you were out of town.

 

So- is there a window of opportunity here, perhaps. Do you want a girl like this for a relationship? I'm not sure.

 

I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she confirmed it right away, saying something along the lines of "I do, he's in Vancouver doing such and such." She might have mentioned something about him returning soon, I don't recall exactly as I was distracted by the big neon "no vacancy" sign that suddenly flashing above her head.

 

At any rate, as much as I would love to believe it, I don't think there's anything more to the story than what I mentioned already. She didn't mention her boyfriend because he wasn't a factor in our chat, I made him a topic of discussion.

 

I can't recall if she said he's been gone for a while, though if he has, chances are she may be single again soon, in which case I might have a shot in the future. My thought process is that long distance relationships crumble most easily upon physical reunion. A lengthy absence from each other can greatly weaken an imperfect relationship. You spend a lot of time away from each other, you just keep telling yourself that you're still together, and when you see each other again, you realize that you've moved on already, you don't click anymore. Not getting my hopes up, but it's a vague possibility. Anyway, I've got others on my radar in the meantime.

 

Well, you ARE/WERE interested in her, so why would you have asked if she has one or not? And if she didn't, you would've moved in with the hopes of her choosing you, right?

 

 

Well, I'm just wondering more along the lines of if I've tainted our further interactions, like if she caught onto what I was doing, would she be creeped out, flattered, or just impassive. Just considering the general reaction women get when men make a move on them.

 

At any rate, if she didn't have a boyfriend, the logical progression of my flow would be to respond with an implied date. "Really? We should go do X together sometime." It is kind of irritating though, the flow was as smooth as I could have hoped for, I didn't have to force any changes of direction, I was perfectly set up to make my move. Then she had to ruin it by having a boyfriend.

Edited June 17, 2012 by Emissary