humiliating myself to be closer

[without]

im posting here cuz its my fav. although there's no BU in it.

 

long story short i tried to get close to someone and thought maybe waiting for him would make a change but it didn't.

 

i humiliated myself , after being in so much effort and pain for him he told me who am i to be worried about him? im not his and i shouldn't worry about him.

he wasn't online for 5 days that is really strange and his phone was either off or busy. no texts would be delieverd.

 

after i found him i told him i was worried and why did he leave without anything to say he said why do you care? you shouldn't care, who are you? you're not mine to be worried about me.

 

i said im his friend and its natural to be worried i guess.

 

anyway after all these time about 9 months, i feel he's insulting me with these answers. i didnt left earlier cuz i loved him and i wanted to wait till he goes back to normal.but he's worse.

 

i dont even know what caused him to act like this in the first place.

 

anyway today i gave up. i can't take it anymore. he's actually insulting me.

i just wanted him to know that i cared . but he doesn't want to know..so...

 

 

i put so much energy into it , i wanted to know what went wrong in his life that he's like this now.

he wasnt like this i think something in the last two years has happened that made him like this.he was open to date before.

 

i just found out he has blood cancer and as a teenager he was about to die but he survived.and i found out that he really doesn't want any emotional connection with anyone, he's not just saying it.

 

i even read all about depression i thought he has one, according to himself.

i asked on many forums what could be wrong with him and how can i help im. but nothing.

 

i tried to be his friend but he acts so mean and treats me like crap.

 

so i today after all these time gave up.if u want to know more i post what i posted on another forum awhile ago.i posted here as a reply but it wont show for some time.

Edited June 16, 2012 by without

[without]

i asked this on a psychology forum to see if they could offer anyhing:

 

I about 8 months ago became friends with a guy,artist, via net, we became really good friends we shared alot i really liked him.

he told me from the first he's the type of person who doesn't ask what he wants. he's afraid what others may say.

and he said he isn't good at relationships because he treats girls like boys and i said i have no problem with that.i don't like girlish stuff anyways.

 

anyways before we met eachother i said maybe i can ask him out and he said no he doesn't want a relationship.he's just not ready and doesn't have the energy.

i asked him if he its about another girl or maybe an ex he said it has nothing to do with that.

 

we met a couple of times it was really good, he actually gave me some really cool stuff and bought me cute things.

 

we talked practically every day for some hours.

at first it wasn't that obvious he wouldn't mind but he wouldn't let me say i miss him .he said he wants to suppress his feelings.no answer to why.

 

but after a while he just said he doesn't feel right and he didn't talk to me much.I knew he used some drugs.

anyway i about read depression and bipolar,and thought its just an episode and i was supportive and just asked him every once in a while to see eachother that he refused.

 

after awhile he got better he was more social but he added some girls just to flirt and i got sad and i told him about it.he said hes not ready and it shouldn't stop him from having sex..but nothing will happen.

 

and after he said if he wants any relationship it will be with me.that was a month ago.

 

some weeks after he got worse,avoided me, it was like he's adding any b**** and just wants to make me sad...i told him and i got sad and he said he doesn't like to give any explanation to anybody ,talked very mean.

 

i said i don't want any but its just makes me sad because i like him more than friends.and he said sorry he has changed his mind and he prefers bad and slutty girls now.and he doesn't want to date me nor see me again there's no point in seeing.we don't match.and he doesn't want to let anyone get close to him.

 

anyway it broke my heart he said we can be cyber friends and with no talking about emotions but i couldn't do it.

it seems that now he isn't flirting that much anymore...

 

but the drugs were prescribed for sth i didn't ask what.

Edited June 16, 2012 by without

[without]

any comment is appreciated although i don't think there's anything to say.

[Philosoraptor]

There really isn't much to say. You cared about him and he didn't seem to appreciate it. There is a lot of hurt on both sides and much work needs to be done to heal.

 

He was just never going to be the person for you.