Ca8518 Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I was with my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up 8 months ago. We were late twenties, early thirties when we started dating. When we met things moved fast and we had an immediate connection. A few months into the relationship he brought up marriage and we discussed all the time getting married, picking out a house, starting a family. He said it was like I was made for him, that I was his best friend and the only person he could ever tell anything to. We did everything together. Before we were set up by mutual friends, he was "seeing" a girl from work for drinks once and awhile. He said to me that nothing ever happened with her and that she was only interested in him when she had nothing better to do. Our friends flat out asked him if he was involved with her before setting us up. He said definitely not and we met and right away were inseparable. Nearly 5 months later, I find out that this girl started texting and calling him constantly over the period of a few weeks. He said that he had been trying to get her to stop and that he told her he was in love with me and that he told me everything and she needed to stop. Her emails said stuff about how strong her feelings were for him. He promised me up and down that he would cut all contact with her and made it seem like she was crazy. I was heartbroken that he would keep this from me but I stayed with him because I believed he truly loved me. For the rest of our relationship she would pop up with texts messages at inappropriate times, trying to be where he was, and I couldn't take it. He told me he never responded and that he ignored her all the time. That I needed to trust I was the love of his life. Fast forward to our breakup. It came out of nowhere. We had picked out a house with the purpose of starting our family. He bought it but we went through the whole process together. We began living together and one day I came home and he said he had been lying to himself and to me, that he wasn't in love with me and probably never was. To make a long story short, we ended up back together after a week long breakup for 3 months. I lived with a constant fear of not knowing what I was coming home to and he did not treat me well. The day we broke up for good, I checked our phone bill and saw that this girl had already been texting him and he responded. I sent him an email calling him out on her impact on our relationship and he came over and swore up and down that he never cheated on me and was not interested in her at all. Even as a friend. I found out last night that they have been together as an official couple since 4 months after our breakup. I had been holding on hope that he was suffering like I was, and that he missed me. That I meant something to him. I could not come to terms that our relationship and everything we went through was a lie. Nope! Not at all. I feel so sick every time I think of him and her together. And the depth of the hurt from him being with her after what he put me through by keeping me hanging on, swearing his love for me and that she was nothing. How do you live with this pain and hurt? How do you let go of the images of them together and picturing her in the house we picked out, lived in, and made a home for OUR life together? The pain is crippling and I can barely function. How does someone do this to someone that loved them unconditionally? I broke 6 months of NC and texted him after I found out because I lost control. I had a panic attack. He wrote back saying generic bullsh*t about being sorry I am feeling this way. No emotion, no responsibility. He said understands how difficult it is for me to see them together. No - he has no idea.
Stanza Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I feel for you I think he loved you, I do. I think he was torn and frankly he chose you for much of the time until he didn't see it working. I think if you can see him without being angry you should maybe try to get some closure on any outstanding questions you have but it sounds like you really dont want to get back with him, he could do this again to you, so I hope you can start to move on from the pain. I know it sucks
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