mhn Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 My wife has a colleague at work and she thinks he might like her. Do you think it's ok if my wife would discuss with her colleague that she is married and she doesn't want to be with him? She feels like that guy might have feelings for her but at this point it's just her intuition saying that. What kind of side effects could this provoke? She just wants to feel good when going to work because now she feels stressed of what that guy might want or do. Also, she is in an open space place and she doesn't know where to discuss with him privately. She could write him an email but she doesn't know if it's appropriate and she couldn't see his live reaction this way. Thank you!
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Why are you posting this, and not her? I have seen your other thread, and the marriage is already built on insecurity and shifting sands. If she thinks her colleague is a problem - she should be able to deal with it. you can't control her, or what happens around her. She's responsible for that, not you.
Author mhn Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 Why are you posting this, and not her? I have seen your other thread, and the marriage is already built on insecurity and shifting sands. If she thinks her colleague is a problem - she should be able to deal with it. you can't control her, or what happens around her. She's responsible for that, not you. Thank you, I just hoped for a quicker reply and I created this new post. It was not my intention to control her, I just wanted to help her because she doesn't know how to handle best this situation and she doesn't want to create issues that could make her not feel good about going to work and be around her colleagues. I took the time to post this so she doesn't have to and I apologize for the cross posting.
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) That's not the issue here. the issue is that you are doing everything you can to cover all the bases. What is she actively doing, of her own accord, initiating - to wilfully help this marriage survive? Edited June 15, 2012 by TaraMaiden
Author mhn Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 That's not the issue here. the issue is that you are doing everything you can to cover all the bases. What is she actively doing, of her own accord, initiating - to wilfully help this marriage survive? About this, she asked me what to do about it and I didn't have an answer - it's a very sensitive situation which I didn't dealt with before. I just hope for an answer here.
Author mhn Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 I'd appreciate any reply to this - hopefully on-topic Thank you!
darkmoon Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 if i (a woman) dress unattractively, nobody wants me; i'd go as far as to say that tight clothing that shows off a figure but does not reveal skin can still turn a guy on, but baggy clothes and knee-length skirts will at some point give the work-mate a new emprint on his psyche and he will drop his crush and notice a sexier person to crush on
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 About this, she asked me what to do about it and I didn't have an answer - it's a very sensitive situation which I didn't dealt with before. I just hope for an answer here. Well, in that case she sounds extremely insecure in herself, and unsure of what she wants, if she has to ask her husband what she should do about a colleague coming on to her. If it were me, i would be telling my H how I handled the guy and told him in no uncertain terms to go sling his ass somewhere else, because as far as I would be concerned, my marriage is strong, and give up now buddy, because you're on a road to nowhere fast. This is where we work - if you're looking for a fling with a colleague, go some place else, this is a no brainer. Why is this so difficult for her to handle? It really is exactly that. A no-brainer....
Author mhn Posted June 15, 2012 Author Posted June 15, 2012 Well, in that case she sounds extremely insecure in herself, and unsure of what she wants, if she has to ask her husband what she should do about a colleague coming on to her. If it were me, i would be telling my H how I handled the guy and told him in no uncertain terms to go sling his ass somewhere else, because as far as I would be concerned, my marriage is strong, and give up now buddy, because you're on a road to nowhere fast. This is where we work - if you're looking for a fling with a colleague, go some place else, this is a no brainer. Why is this so difficult for her to handle? It really is exactly that. A no-brainer.... I assure you, my wife is way beyond being insecure in herself - she is the strongest person I know! But it's just that if she directly talks to that colleague, is that a wise thing to do? How will this affect her job? Could she resume on a normal life at work afterwards? Thank you!
TaraMaiden Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 At the moment, it's a private matter. So she should have a quiet private word with him, but let him know, politely and in as friendly a manner as she can, that if there is any escalation or backlash, she will advise someone in authority and complain about it. and make a note of her discussion with him.... In cases that seem trivial, slight, personal and immaterial, you'd be surprised how important it is to make sure you have your back covered....
turnera Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 An easier way to handle it, if they're in an open space, is to bring YOU into her conversations. "Oh, my husband and I took a day trip last weekend to that place and we had a great time!" "Look at the ring my husband gave me for our anniversary!" Stuff like that.
reboot Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 But it's just that if she directly talks to that colleague, is that a wise thing to do? How will this affect her job? Could she resume on a normal life at work afterwards? Is there some rule against being married in the company manual? How hard is it to let people know that one is married? Is this a real question? 2
firemanq Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 Women know who is interested in them, and if the interest is inappropriate. They also know how to let men know if they, the female, is interested or not. Watching my daughters and granddaughters, they start by practicing on their fathers at about 3 years of age. By the time they are in high school they are experts on how to attract and how to dissuade men. 1
Recommended Posts