daniellethedisaster Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I am an idiot. A complete idiot. I haven't talked to my ex in about 4 days and the last time we talked it was me begging him to take me back and him saying I needed to move on, he wasn't ready for this yaddayaddayadda. I actually was doing okay, or at least pretending I was. But for some reason today I ruined it.. I lent him money a couple of months ago and he hasn't paid me back. He has tried, but he is poor and stupid so he can't really. Anyway. I messaged him on facebook (where we are still friends) and asked if he was planning on giving me the money at all. He didn't reply but i could see he had read it. So i went off a little and said that i am sorry but he had planned on paying it when we were together and that shouldnt change. He replied with "yeah, I still plan on it." when i asked when he said he wasn't sure. Well I took this communication to mean I could talk more about things. I told him that I knew it wouldn't happen over night but that I wanted us to be okay with each other, that we were best friends and just because we weren't together didnt mean we didn't care about each other. All I got back was a "yeah." Then I went on to say that I "was sorry I acted so emo and stupid, it was just really hard for me but it's getting better and I hope you don't hate me for it." He hasn't read it and hasn't been online. But come on now. Why did I do this? Why can't I delete him? What is wrong with me? It's almost like I do not want to move on. I don't know.
Chi townD Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Girl, just forget about the money and move on. I suspect the money was just an excuse to contact him. I strongly suggest that you go complete NC and move on. Is NC easy to do? HELL NO!!! You're gonna have good days and bad days. But, you can always come on here and people will talk you through the tough times. And I promise one day you'll wake up and he won't be the first thing on your mind. That's when you know you started to heal.
Author daniellethedisaster Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 Dude I know. I know I need to go NC. I really do. But why can't I just do it?! What is wrong with me? I do okay for a couple of days and then I give in. I was doing really well last week and then went all crazy on the weekend. I mean what the heck. I just don't understand why I CANNOT let it go. This is probably the worst thing I have ever gone through. And I just need someone to snap me back into reality, because I feel like I am drowning.
Chi townD Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Then that's what you do! (not the drowning part...) Anytime you feel like texting him. STOP! Take a deep breath and post here. If you feel like calling him, post here. If you feel like e-mailing him, post here. People will vow that this site has helped them from doing something stupid.
LovelyDaze Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Yeah, just chalk the money you lent as collateral damage. Let it go and him as well. When you continue to message him on FB and/or contact him, he sees it as you just trying to get him back and stay in his life which pushes his respect for you farther off the cliff. Try blocking him from FB or at best, hide his comments/Home page so you won't be as tempted to interact with him. Plus, you will later work up the nerve to defriend him altogether. You will never heal or gain self-respect until you believe in yourself and take the necessary steps in letting go of someone who doesn't care about you as much if at all. You deserve more.
DMS Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I know the feeling. I added the ex back on facebook twice after we broke up and I attempted to go NC. It is very very hard but the above advice is real good. Also, at least in the case of my ex I was pretty good at guessing her responses as we were together for almost 5 years so what I do is imagine what she would say or do if I contacted her knowing that she is living with her new boyfriend. It stops me from contacting her a lot. Another good thing that has helped me is just to write down what I would say to her. That way I get it out of my system so to speak but keep NC alive and well
Tiera D Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 best way to maintain NC? come here whenever you need a Will-booster loveshack provide it 24/7..meaning come here when you are down and need someone to talk to trust me its alot better than contacting your ex,when you post here after you broke contact its abit late already TD
Jose11 Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 Yeah I agree with everyone else 100%. Keep NC. yeah when you contact him you have that sense of relief and happiness, but as soon as you realize the expectation of him wanting to talk to you isn't there your right back to square one of healing. Its a crappy feeling. And yeah you may break NC every once in a while, and I am not saying break it, but if you do; you get right back on the wagon. When people are on diets, they cheat every once in a while and have a cookie and when they do feel terrible after doing it. Thats no reason to quit the diet. You have your cheat moment and you learn from it. You keep going. Keep working on you and good things will come in time.
ladyabstrused Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I went through this myself. As what people always tried to tell me and now I have to agree too, breaking NC only makes you feel worse, no matter what hope you have of it making you feel any better or whatsoever. It seldom makes you feel any better. So keep total NC as much as you can. LS is a good distraction if you got nothing else to keep your mind occupied. Go socialise, spend more time on your hobbies or with friends. Keep yourself occupied, it helps.
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