Danith Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 So this girl and I have been seeing each other for about 4 months now; I've been prepared for more, and she hasn't - we never set up any boundaries or guidelines and alas, as the story goes, I got drunk and had sex with another girl (which she said was fine before, but was obviously not the case)..in which I had a miserable time and spent the majority of it with my thoughts wandering to her. I woke up feeling guilty as hell and that night, I went to her house to tell her (And we run in the same social circle, so it was better for her to hear it from me then someone else); She wasn't especially mad, she understood I didn't cheat, and her friends told her she was being ridiculous as well. At the same time, she was shocked at how much she cared and I was shocked at how guilty I felt. In a nutshell, she was more hurt than she was letting on. This is where I felt like this could of been a good thing, that perhaps we both had a realization that might enhance our relationship that wasn't a relationship. Since though, that has not been the case; She's had limited contact with me and I heard through the grapevine (people talk too much) that she intends to have a "Let's be friends" talk. So my question is this, what can I do to make a difference? To show her that I care enough about her to be "exclusive" and wait for her to be ready for more in the meantime without running the subject into the ground with her? I know she cares a great deal and she's just about to run because she's scared of getting hurt, and I decimated the trust factor. Another part of the reason she cared so much was that the same night, one of her guy friends tried to have sex with her; She denied him and just came to my house, and then that night (long after she left) I did what she did not. I would like to add that I do, in fact, care - a lot. The same girl I slept with was around last night as well, and attempted to seduce me for nearly 30 minutes in which I resisted every advance knowing now that my feelings for the other would arise. I can analyze why I did it in the first place but it all comes down to alcohol, being 21, and not having those defined boundaries. I feel as if bringing it up too much with her will cause no good and she'll run, and if I leave it alone then it'll fall apart. Help?
salparadise Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 So then, when you say you've been ready for more and she hasn't, I assume you're saying you've not slept with her? And since there were not promises up to that point you technically didn't cheat, but that's not the way it feels to her, right? If that's the case I think you just need to go for broke and tell her you want her to be yours, that you feel awful about what happened, yada, yada. But concentrate on talking about your feelings for her and not the other thing. If after that she friend zones you, pull back and let her feel the contrast between having you lavishing attention and affection on her, and little or no contact. What you don't want is for her to be playing hard to get indefinitely while you're working your buns off trying to make it up to her. 1-800-FLOWERS
Philosoraptor Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 If there was no agreement for exclusivity you've done nothing wrong. It would be totally unfair of her to not want to move this to an exclusive relationship but still hold you within the confines of one.
d'Arthez Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 I don't think there is much that can be done. Judging by your other post on this girl, I'd say this is a lost cause. If I were in a similar position I would have lost all interest in the person who had drunken sex. Fair? I think so. To me, it shows extremely poor judgment and character flaws. Downplaying the girl with whom you had sex would only make matters worse, not better.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 14, 2012 Posted June 14, 2012 She's not into you...you did nothing wrong. A girl doesn't play hard to get for 4 mons and doesn't want more, so that tells me that she never really emotionally connected with you on a deep level and never saw more, she was just simply keeping you around. If she cared her reactions to the situation would have been anger, resentment....regadless of the "rules" women don't give a ***** about rules when it comes to emotions...If she was going to act it would have been now, and she would have been very hurt...but she decided and responded with indifference, maybe a little pissed off you banged another girl behind her back and made her feel like she wasn't good enough but ultimately her reactions would have been to solidify things now, not push them away...she would have responded with emotion, bottom line. You did nothing wrong, I wouldn't feel bad, she knew your intentions and emotions and just let it ride out...that's her own fault, even if she did have feelings. You did your part, I don't think there is anything you can do to win her over. What I think you may want to do for your own piece of mind though is have a heart to haert with her to find out her true feelings and intentions, maybe she'll come clean and give you some closure. that's my assessment of this.
Recommended Posts