danny1234 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) Hi, I was with someone who I loved to death for 15 months. Everything clicked and I was very attracted to her in every way. The first six months were amazing and we spent lots of time together, although she did work long hours we always had time together. We always had great fun together and our love life was also great. After six months she changed her job and started to work longer and longer hours (out of job enjoyment). She worked 70-80 hour weeks (made up of shifts - some days up at 5am, some days not back until 10pm, only paid for 37.5 hours). She got gradually more tired and exhausted and was infatuated with work. After 12 months of the relationship, I talked to her about it in a non-needy way (one of her ex bf, tried to control her a lot, so I was wary not to do this). I told her I was worried about her health and our relationship. I said I'd felt single lately (on reflection this was quite needy). Initially she got upset and said yes, she was working too much. She then said that what didn't help was 'I always wanted sex'. This was a surprised to me as we were making love a lot less anyway because she was so tired. I said that love making should be a compromise and we made love less after that. She then started to get so tired we could never really go out and spend time together, and have fun - doing things that couples do, going out with other couples, etc. On her only day off, she would be unable to relax, got stressed because she hadn't been able to see her family because of working too many hours & hadn't done any chores. She started taking work calls on her day off. I think this had a knock on effect on me as well - I started to get affected by it and emotionally distanced some what. In the end, at my wits end, I gave her an ultimatum, that if she still worked those hours in several months I couldn't see our relationship working. She broke it off two weeks later. I didn't stick to my guns and tried to call her a few weeks later to discuss things - she wasn't interested. A few weeks ago I went to a wedding of a couple who met at the same time as me and my ex (she is friends with the bride). I was expecting to see her there, but was told she'd asked if she could bring 'someone' to the wedding but was told no by the bride as she didn't want anyone feeling uncomfortable at the wedding - so she didn't come at all. The last few weeks I feel I've felt worse than ever. I loved her a lot and was genuinely worried about her working those hours and neglecting herself - she wouldn't go to the dr's until she had holiday, she refused to take time off sick, she'd only see her friends when she had holiday, etc. I want to move on from this desperately. I seem to think about her all the time. AND now I keep thinking about her with someone else - I wish I hadn't been told that. I suppose I think that - why couldn't I put up with the hours (was it me?), or perhaps she's had some revelation about the hours she was working. I try to tell myself that I should not be so affected as people break up after 5 years and longer etc & we were only together a short time, but it doesn't really help. I thought that by now I would be over it. I have taken a few girls out for a drink, but it just makes me think about her. When will it pass? Thanks for reading my utter ramblings... any advice appreciated, Dan Edited June 13, 2012 by danny1234
Author danny1234 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Actually, writing this post has been quite cathartic. I feel it's helped. regards Dan
Cyberpunk Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm glad that you're feeling better. I think you two breaking-up is the best thing for both of you. She didn't have enough time for you, and it seemed like you may have been a little needy. There's nothing wrong with her for wanting to work a lot like that, but I think some people just aren't ready to be in a relationship.
Recommended Posts