dustpull Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I sometimes wonder how my ex gets away with breaking people's hearts, while still getting new lovers. I don't understand why the dumper always have the better happy lives while the dumpee stays depressed and destroyed? What the hell is karma? Why does everyone say it exist? From religions to philosophers,... But i just don't see how it works at all... Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'll let Taramaiden explain the second part of your question about karma as she can do it much better than I can. Regarding the first part, you are comparing what you feel inside with what you see happening to her outside. You don't know what's going inside her head and heart. Perhaps you can make a pretty good guess, but you really don't know. She might not even know. Right now, you're hurting. Pretty badly. You're confused. You're questioning and rehashing everything trying to make sense of what happened and why it happened. It's understandable and for now, you have to live with these thoughts. However, don't let them leave too much of a scar. When you find closure for yourself. You won't care about the answers because you'll have come to terms with what happened and the answers won't matter anymore. All you see right now is that she seems happy and you feel sad. The two aren't comparable because you don't know what's going on inside her. This is where NC fits in. When you're are not a witness to your ex's new activities post-relationship, you give yourself the time and space to heal. You allow yourself just to process the old activities and before long they are buried and you no longer have a strong emotional reaction to them. No fresh hurts to deal with. For the sake of your mental and emotional health, please stop being her witness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'll let Taramaiden explain the second part of your question about karma as she can do it much better than I can. Oh bless you my sweet! originally posted by dustpull What the hell is karma? Why does everyone say it exist? From religions to philosophers,... But i just don't see how it works at all... Karma actually just means intentional, voluntary wilful Action. Karma is basically, everything you purposely think, say and do. It all counts, and it's all based on a fixed decision you make to carry through on something, whether thought, spoken or done. For example: if you're driving at night, and you inadvertently hit a cat running across the road, you don't gain negative Karma from that. It was an accident. But if you get out of your car, look for the cat, and find it, and take it to the vet and pay a fee to have it taken care of, that's generating good Karma. If on the other hand, you willfully aim for the cat, and get it with your car, and drive off, target accomplished, that's a whole heap of negative karma for yourself, right there. Kamma means you don't get away with anything. And it all counts. Whatever thought/word/action process you CHOOSE to follow, so will kamma develop accordingly. Kamma is not being punished/rewarded "for" your deeds, but it's being punished/rewarded BY them. I sometimes wonder how my ex gets away with breaking people's hearts, while still getting new lovers. I don't understand why the dumper always have the better happy lives while the dumpee stays depressed and destroyed? It's not what your ex has done to you, that is causing you heartache and anguish. It's your mental and emotional/verbal reaction to it. Now, I'm not suggesting you should just give a damn, or not be affected by it. Of course, that's natural. You'd be robotic otherwise. The trick - if you really are asking about Kamma - is to develop and transform what you feel, into positive energy, for your own well-being. Dumpers appear, at face value, to be living the high life, while from our perspective, we're in pain, anguish and sorrow, desperately striving to heal a broken heart. but - and i know this is very difficult to digest right now - the important is not to focus on how things are with them. the important is to focus on yourself and ask yourself how to get through this. And sometimes, you know what? it's ok to feel bad. It's ok to go through these feelings, let them arise, and really immerse yourself in the complete depth of how you feel. And at times it further helps to scream, yell, throw things, curse, smash something and really vent your deepest emotion. but the big secret - is not to stay there. give yourself an hour to go through this. Tomorrow, give yourself 50 minutes. the day after, 45 minutes. But, and here's the tip: Really time yourself. Decide when that time is over, "OK, enough is enough. I'm not going to open myself up to Pain, and let me hurt myself for a moment longer than necessary. I have a life to live here, let's fill it constructively." If you feel thoughts straying towards your ex-, wear the rubber band and use the 'snap it hard against your wrist' technique, every time she comes up in your mind.By all means think of her - but only when it's time. And the rest of the time belongs to you. It's yours, so use it wisely, for your benefit, not to give someone else control over your emotions. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Can completely relate. I'd like to see it happen more than anything. But the exes who just continually "hump and dump"/ get an ego boost from screwing people over- well I'm still waiting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Yet whenever I do something bad I have no doubt that it will bite me in the butt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 It doesn't exist, it's something that is made up. It's easy to hide behind some faith and not take responsibility for your actions or 'being' in this life. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 What if you are that kitty that got hit by a car (person) ? And it drove away. Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 What if you are that kitty that got hit by a car (person) ? And it drove away. You either die or get better. Has nothing to do with the driver getting away with it. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I don't believe in Karma. I think good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, but also bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. If the plane is going to crash, it is going to crash whether you are a good person or not. However....I must say that it's interesting that my ex, who did really, really horrific things to me is in and out of the hospital all of the time...all of the time. He's a very, very sick man. He lost the great job he had that gave him the time he used to cheat on me. He bragged about the hag he was dating and how he was going to marry her...they didn't even last until the wedding date. His life is a mess and so is he...so, who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 It doesn't exist, it's something that is made up. It's easy to hide behind some faith and not take responsibility for your actions or 'being' in this life. No, it does exist. It's the fancy name you object to. Karma is simply another word for Action. Unfortunately, those in the west have taken the word 'karma' and transformed it into some kind of spiritual judgement/payback system that declares that it's some kind of revenge system designed to give the bad guy his - or her - come-uppance. It's a little more complicated than that, and what people fail to realise is that everybody, without question, is subject to it, and everybody, without question is also subject to it in a beneficial sense, too. I don't believe in Karma. I think good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people, but also bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. Yes, that's called 'Vipaka'. or in English, 'consequence, or result. And you're absolutely right. Where your conviction falls flat, is with many people who earnestly believe that only good things should happen to good people, and only bad things should happen to bad people. But Life isn't like that. Why not? Because life is simply a process we're experiencing, not something that owes us. If the plane is going to crash, it is going to crash whether you are a good person or not. Quite true. Famous, unheard of, loved, hated, criminal, saintly - if you're on it, you're on it, and time is up. Interestingly, when you consider the planes and the passengers involved in 9/11, and those destined to be in the towers and never come out, everybody without question knows that it was a heinous and dreadful day that will live in history for a very long time. but if you take all the people in the Twin towers and the planes involved, what are the chances that some of them were, in day-to-day existence, a bad, rum sort, and someone with a questionable character, or nasty mean, criminal streak? Not every person, statistically speaking, who was a victim that day, was a nice person, by moral or ethical standards. Yet we don't think of that. Instead, we raise a memorial to them, to honour their memory. But had we known more about them, would we be so undiscriminating? Or would we instead, think to ourselves, "that person was a complete @sswipe, s/he doesn't deserve to be up there with the rest of them!" See, while a person is an anonymous human being, at the mercy of a disaster, we laud them. But when we know a person's character, we become far more judgemental and we evaluate their persona against our own moral yardstick. And we expect Karma to do the same. but it doesn't work like that..... However....I must say that it's interesting that my ex, who did really, really horrific things to me is in and out of the hospital all of the time...all of the time. He's a very, very sick man. He lost the great job he had that gave him the time he used to cheat on me. He bragged about the hag he was dating and how he was going to marry her...they didn't even last until the wedding date. His life is a mess and so is he...so, who knows? An elderly horse herdsman in Ancient China, awakes to find his entire herd of horses has escaped in the night. His neighbours commiserate. He merely shrugs, and replies, "Who knows what is Good? Who knows what is bad?" His son leaves early the next morning to try to find them, and returns three days later, with the herd - and several more wild horses in addition, all of which are splendid, prizeworthy and in their prime. The neighbours are delighted and congratulate the senior herdsman on his most excellent fortune. He merely shrugs, and replies, "Who knows what is Good? Who knows what is bad?" his son decides to break in some of the horses, but in doing so, is thrown by a particularly wilful stallion, and his ankle is shattered. The neighbours are mortified, and are very distressed by the accident. He merely shrugs, and replies, "Who knows what is Good? Who knows what is bad?" Three days later, a great General rides into the village with an escorting troop of soldiers, and conscripts all the young men in the village, into the Emperor's army - all except for the young herdsman, who with his injured ankle, escapes recruitment. The elder herdsman's neighbours enviously congratulate him on the fortune of not losing his son, but... ....He merely shrugs, and replies, "Who knows what is Good? Who knows what is bad?" Or as Shakespeare so succinctly put it - "There is nothing either Good or Bad but that thinking makes it so." (Hamlet). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I suppose that Karma falls in line with quantum duality especially with regard to choices defining our reality. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I suppose it does...... ....What...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Tara, they can't understand it because they have been Babylonized since the day they have been borned. Karma does exist, it hits everybody sooner or later, it is a scale of life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Karma does exist, it's basically Volitional/Intentional Action, and it hits everybody the moment they think something, say something or do something. there is Positive, Neutral and Negative Karma. Positive Karma entails carrying out a positive thought/word/deed. Neutral Karma entails carrying out a neutral thought/word/deed. Negative Karma entails carrying out a neutral thought/word/deed. 'Vipaka', (that is, result or consequence) is based on the scale of what you actually end up 'acting. for example, thinking about killing someone does not accrue the same amount of Karma as actually killing them. I don't know what you mean about it being a 'scale of Life'. As i have already explained, it's merely a process, a generative thing, but it does not evaluate, judge condemn or criticise, or hold any retributive quality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 No, it does exist. It's the fancy name you object to. Karma is simply another word for Action. Unfortunately, those in the west have taken the word 'karma' and transformed it into some kind of spiritual judgement/payback system that declares that it's some kind of revenge system designed to give the bad guy his - or her - come-uppance. It's a little more complicated than that, and what people fail to realise is that everybody, without question, is subject to it, and everybody, without question is also subject to it in a beneficial sense, too. Hi. You have said that those in the West have taken the word Karma and transformed it. Can you get me some sources to read up on Karma as you know it? I am interested in what people different people in the Eastern world have to say about it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 With pleasure. I will send you a PM..... Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 In the end we are all just guessing.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 In the end we are all just guessing.. No. There is no guesswork about Actions. Simply because you fail to grasp that, does not mean that everyone is 'just guessing'. It just means you don't get it or would prefer not, to. And that's ok. if someone acts deliberately that is Karma. Deliberate action. once they achieve or obtain the result, they react to that, and so on. The skill lies in manufacturing a positive reaction to the stimulus. which is our perception of things....that's the key.... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 It does exist. It happened to me. I caught the girl I was suppose to marry cheating on me. On D-Day she said I was a loser and never going to college; working dead end jobs. She was going with someone that had a future. So, I got my butt in gear, I did go to college and got my Doctorate. Became successful in my career field. Met my wife who is also has a professional career (and is leaps and bounds better than my Ex) we bought our home and we travel extensively. My Ex did marry the guy she cheated on me with and he was in College, but had to transfer to the University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job. Last I heard, the guy that was going places is a ambulance driver. Karma is a mean B*tch! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 It does exist. It happened to me. I caught the girl I was suppose to marry cheating on me. On D-Day she said I was a loser and never going to college; working dead end jobs. She was going with someone that had a future. So, I got my butt in gear, I did go to college and got my Doctorate. Became successful in my career field. Met my wife who is also has a professional career (and is leaps and bounds better than my Ex) we bought our home and we travel extensively. My Ex did marry the guy she cheated on me with and he was in College, but had to transfer to the University of I'm pregnant and you need to get a job. Last I heard, the guy that was going places is a ambulance driver. Karma is a mean B*tch! Thats not karma, thats schadenfreude. This is what you want OP, just like many other things, it is a belief, and exists only as a belief, like hope. In fact, its similar hope. As in, you hope your ex gets burned by someone like he/she burned you. People twist karma as a selfish way to hope something bad happens to someone without the misfortune being traced back to them. Pretty childish really. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Why is it childish? After being screwed over it's pretty normal not to wish the person well. Why should I? Sometimes I wonder if I should just start screwing people over myself. Worked for exes. Why is this? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Why is it always ok to be a complete Ahole just because you're a dumper, either cheated or whatever?!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 if someone acts deliberately that is Karma. Deliberate action. once they achieve or obtain the result, they react to that, and so on. The skill lies in manufacturing a positive reaction to the stimulus. which is our perception of things....that's the key.... So, basically, what you are saying is: If you kick the door in with your bare foot, it's going to hurt. Sure, I agree. But there is no higher intervention what so ever. I can kill as much puppy's as I want without being punished by something or someone. Every negative thought I carry with me hurts my emotional well-being. But if I don’t have any, it’s all aces. I wouldn’t re-invent the wheel by calling this karma Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 What....? If you read my posts carefully, you will see that I am in complete agreement! I have always, in fact, tried to tell people that, but few people listen, or get it. Go back over my posts and read. i completely refute the notion of it being a punitive system of justice and revenge. Have you not been reading my posts...?! Link to post Share on other sites
Thierro Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 What....? If you read my posts carefully, you will see that I am in complete agreement! I have always, in fact, tried to tell people that, but few people listen, or get it. Go back over my posts and read. i completely refute the notion of it being a punitive system of justice and revenge. Have you not been reading my posts...?! "If someone acts deliberately that is Karma. Deliberate action. once they achieve or obtain the result, they react to that, and so on. The skill lies in manufacturing a positive reaction to the stimulus. " So why bother calling it karma? I always re-read your posts, Tara, but it's not always easy to understand what you are getting at. Link to post Share on other sites
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