DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) Blah... I wrote out a post but it was too long. Long story short, a guy I met online said he was going to call me but then didn't. I contacted him after that just because I was curious as to what happened to him. He said he had been having a rough month and wasn't sure about doing online dating, but we met anyway and hit it off. Then we went out again and had yet another great date. Following that date, we talked on the phone a couple times and got to know each other much better. He said he was going to call tonight but didn't. I thought the first time he didn't call was just due to online dating nerves before meeting in person and didn't expect it to happen again. I have a huge pet peeve about people who say they'll call and then dont.... so I haven't been sure about how to feel. If he contacts me tomorrow, I'm not sure if I should just assume he got super busy and just let it go, or if I should feel concerned about him not calling. I guess I'm just afraid of getting involved with someone who is unreliable, but I don't know how to judge whether this is a fluke thing or if it would happen often. Edited June 13, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
d'Arthez Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Just wait and listen; don't bring anything up. If he does not apologize, you have a strong indication that he is either too busy or unreliable. 1
secondmulligan Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 i'm with you on the calling thing. it annoys the hell out of me when people flake out or "forget" to call. 10-30 seconds to ring and say something came up, easy. this is common in a lot of people though. i try not to overreact. see if it happens again and judge accordingly if you can be happy with that kind of person. maybe hes playing games and seeing how far youll go
username70 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Blah... I wrote out a post but it was too long. Long story short, a guy I met online said he was going to call me but then didn't. I contacted him after that just because I was curious as to what happened to him. He said he had been having a rough month and wasn't sure about doing online dating, but we met anyway and hit it off. Then we went out again and had yet another great date. Following that date, we talked on the phone a couple times and got to know each other much better. He said he was going to call tonight but didn't. I thought the first time he didn't call was just due to online dating nerves before meeting in person and didn't expect it to happen again. I have a huge pet peeve about people who say they'll call and then dont.... so I haven't been sure about how to feel. If he contacts me tomorrow, I'm not sure if I should just assume he got super busy and just let it go, or if I should feel concerned about him not calling. I guess I'm just afraid of getting involved with someone who is unreliable, but I don't know how to judge whether this is a fluke thing or if it would happen often. wait it out- if he calls say you thought he had given up again and u arent too sure about him
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Do you think it matters that I initiated a text yesterday? Although he was going to call yesterday evening, I decided to initiate a random text exchange in the middle of the day that he responded to right away. It was just about something funny that had happened that day - no big deal, and I didn't continue the conversation past about 2 texts. I guess I'm almost wondering if he forgot to actually call since he very briefly talked to me over text... But I feel like that shouldn't have anything to do with him having said he would call.. although I touched base with him then, I was still expecting the call that night. In any case, when someone says they'll call and then doesn't. I quickly go from being pretty into them to having my guard up.
make me believe Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 He didn't "forget" to call. He chose not to call. It sounds like you're doing a lot of the chasing here -- initiating texts and phone calls. I think he's not that into you. If he was, he would be making an effort to stay in contact with you and he would call when he says he will. 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 No well, it isn't that i've been doing the chasing. He is the one who has been initiating other calls and texts, aside from the ones I mentioned in this thread. Aside from the time in the very beginning when he didn't call before we met, he had never flaked (until last night) and had been initiating calls and texts. But anyway, yeah I'm still not too keen on the no call last night.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 If you had such a huge pet peeve about a guy saying he's going to call but doesn't but then date him anyway and find out he doesn't call you after that then who's the fool and why would you date him? Either stick to your standards or don't compain about them If you don't because this happening was obvious, this was the first strike, now you got two...need a third? 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Lol, I have a history of jumping to conclusions and overreacting to things, so I was trying to be cautious about automatically thinking the worst. The first time he didn't call I let go, because it was before we had ever met or really talked and he didn't know who I was. After we met though, we were really into each other and he was initiating things and following through. So I guess the fact that he didn't follow through last night didn't quite make sense after all the other times he successfully followed through recently. I think I'm going to wait it out a little more anyway and see if it is brought up. For all I know he lost his phone last night, etc. Not likely I admit, but I think it's good to be cautious about jumping to conclusions until the conclusion doesn't have much room for doubt.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Guys don't "forget" to call when they're really interested. They look forward to calling. It doesn't sound like he's that into you. 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Wow, could've fooled me after the conversation we had the night before and the other 2 dates we had. He even opened up to me in our last conversation about some personal stuff and we laughed a lot, had an awesome time talking. I wasn't sure about him at first but we really did get along quite well. So if he isn't into it now, then, weird.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Wow, could've fooled me after the conversation we had the night before and the other 2 dates we had. He even opened up to me in our last conversation about some personal stuff and we laughed a lot, had an awesome time talking. I wasn't sure about him at first but we really did get along quite well. So if he isn't into it now, then, weird. It's called living in the moment...men are very well at performing, it doesn't mean they are invested in more, you're just being easy and rolling over beacuse you're obviously very interested, so it's really up to him whether he wants to put in effort. While you're pondering what happened,trying to figure it out and posting it on the internet he's relaxing at home not giving a damn, talking with otherwomen or even seeing someoen else. 1
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Even if that's not true, I'll just assume he is. Thanks
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted June 14, 2012 Author Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) LOL, you guys were so right. I decided to not wait on finding out what happened, because I had a negative feeling about it anyway and wanted to get it over with instead of wondering about it during work all day. So I texted: "So, are we still talking?" and got this response: "Yeah, I meant to call you last night but I got home really late. I actually met someone and am interested in moving forward with her. I was hoping that maybe we could still be friends. And I'm sorry if this comes as a surprise. :/" Wow. I know this was stupid, but I couldn't help but ask: "So I'm just curious, why her over me?" and I got: "You are a really great girl. I had a fantastic time hanging out with you, and I am positive you will make someone extremely happy. Any guy would be lucky to have you. The reason I chose this girl is because her and I connected on so many levels. I felt 100% comfortable with her the first time we met, and I know that was a sign. I'm sorry things didn't pan out the way you wanted, and I'm truthfully sorry that I may have led you on. I hope you can forgive me, and we can continue to be friends." My response was that I don't really want to be friends, and that him not calling again was a sign to me already that it wasn't gonna happen. Said I wished he had told me sooner, and wished him luck. Felt like crap for a little bit then started feeling a bit better. Part of me wonders how he met this awesome girl he connects "100%" with so quickly. The other part wonders if it was just a lie and that was his way of saying he just wasnt interested. In the end who cares, I won't be talking to him again. I was at work all day, a colleague drove me home and mentioned he goes out with friends around town pretty often. I said I'd like to tag along sometime because I need to get out and meet new people, to avoid hanging out with other people I've met recently...like the guy who just passed on me. lol. Ah well, at least I have other acquaintances and people around to meet. I know any bad feelings about this situation won't last. Edited June 14, 2012 by DontWorryBHappy
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 Sounds like an honest response to your question...I don't blame you for wanting to know why and asking but he was clearly trying to put you on the backburner as an option friendzoning you in case it doesnt work out. However I think if he was going to lie he would have said something else, unless he was really smart about and very good at acting, which would surprise even me...so from my point of view he really did meet someone he felt connected to on all level and it was at least nice of him to tell you the truth because honestly most men would lie through their teeth about it, so ill give him points for that even though he did string along, he knew what he was doing though and was selfish, can't pin that one to just men though at all, that's pretty common on both fronts. It's unfortunate If you've never met someone and felt like you really connected with them in a strange and unique way where you just felt like you easily went from step 1 to step 10 all of a sudden on the interpersonal level...sometimes it just works that way, I find myself more confused by how the general population dates people just for the hell of it and just waits for things to develop in a very slow and typical way...not very alluring, romantic or intriguing to me at all, I think when you really meet someone you connect with you know it, so I'm not sure why people would settle for anything less...so I think he definitely made the right choice, however I wouldn't feel bad about it because that could also happen to you and when it does you won't give much of a damn about this guy anymore.
Emilia Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 I find myself more confused by how the general population dates people just for the hell of it and just waits for things to develop in a very slow and typical way...not very alluring, romantic or intriguing to me at all, I think when you really meet someone you connect with you know it, so I'm not sure why people would settle for anything less... 100% agree, it's worth keep searching and not just keep dating people that make you 'sort of interested'
writergal Posted June 15, 2012 Posted June 15, 2012 This grocery store mentality of "oh I like that one better than this one so I put that one back" is why I have never liked OLD and won't do it anymore. THE OP's experience with her OLD guy is so common, unfortunately. I experienced the exact same thing several times during my OLD experience with several men I met and communicated with. You go out with someone a couple of times, have a great time, thinking it's going to lead somewhere and then bang, you get the old "I met someone I like better." That doesn't happen as often with real life dating because well, you meet each other in person first and then get to know each other, rather than a lot of anonymous online communication and guesswork.
Recommended Posts