Geometrical1 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I met a girl about two weeks ago. Found her attractive, so I got her number and we went for drinks on her birthday - she offered to go on her birthday, which made me think she had some initial interest. We had an excellent night, great conversation and lots of eye contact. Upon leaving, she mentioned she had a great birthday and thanked me. Then, one of my friends - whom she knows - was having a special night at her place four days after, so I offered the girl I'm interested in to come. She replied it sounded good, and that she would get back to me. The day after (three days before the night), she texted me saying she forgot she already had something with the people from her job (Which I learned was very true, since I know someone who works with her). She also asked politely for a raincheck. I accepted and said I would be free the Tuesday after. She then seemed happy about that and mentioned she should be free. Everything was looking good. We said we'd confirm later in the week. After not texting her for a few days, I sent her a message on Sunday, with plans of what we could do (i.e. dinner and some other stuff). She didn't reply. Seeing about 36 hours after she hadn't replied yet, I asked her if she had received my message. She replied a few hours later, saying she just received it along with my question. However, she then said she was busy on Tuesday after all, because she's planning this big rally that she's been doing for the past 3 years on Friday, and that since she's working Wednesday and Thursday, Tuesday's her only day to prepare herself. (I know she's doing the rally, and that it's like a 10-hour-rally, but I'm wondering if the excuse is legitimate) I was a little shocked about that. I thought we were doing very well and now she just cancels, and this time without really planning to reschedule like she did the first time. I then asked her clearly "So are you going to take a raincheck or not, this time?", so I would know if she was still interested. She replied "Sure, but more for next week since I have a very busy week". While the excuse for Tuesday seemed odd, I know she's having a busy week. She then followed by "We'll retext each other for next week :)". Seems like a lot of mixed signals. I don't know what I should do next. Give her one last chance, or simply move on? I thought we were doing pretty well, but for some reason her interest seems to have plummeted for no reason in between the days we didn't talk to each other.
westrock Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Obviously you like this girl, but you need to relax and let things develop slowly. The fact is that people are busy. Sounds like she had plans already for the rally. What's she supposed to do? Yes she could theoretically meet you, but then she won't be able to prepare for the rally and may perform poorly. Is that what you want? If she doesn't meet you, then you could technically read into it that she's not interested, but she even said she'll take a raincheck next week and said to retext her for next week. What more do you want? At this stage you either accept that she has a life or if you can't accept that and be patient until next week then you move on. You two have just met. At this early stage there are no obligations she has to you (and you to her) and I don't think it's fair to expect someone you just met to drop everything they are doing to meet with you. To expect otherwise comes off as needy and insecure on your part. Maybe text her wishing her good luck in the rally and then follow up after she's done the rally to find out how she did and then suggest meeting up for next week.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I think she lost interest because she is dating someone else and you are her backup. Dont text her any more, she will keep cancelling. Let her come look for you now. if she is that busy, she can make the plans. Dont keep chasing her, move on.
Author Geometrical1 Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Kinda odd how this spawned two totally different answers. @west: You're right, I'm probably overthinking this. I'm definitely not asking her to meet up with me now - I'm just wondering if the excuse seems legitimate or not. @Eddie: I seriously doubt she is dating someone else. I'm 99% sure she's not.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Kinda odd how this spawned two totally different answers. @west: You're right, I'm probably overthinking this. I'm definitely not asking her to meet up with me now - I'm just wondering if the excuse seems legitimate or not. @Eddie: I seriously doubt she is dating someone else. I'm 99% sure she's not. Well her excuse could be legitimate, but when people want to date you, they will make time, not excuses. So it doesnt matter if she is dating someone else or not. Plus, how do you know your sources arent lying to you about her dating someone?
dasein Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 One more try, no texting before. Call her, don't ask out in the message, just ask her to call you back. If she calls back ask out, if not move on. Good luck.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 @Eddie: I seriously doubt she is dating someone else. I'm 99% sure she's not. Regardless of whether she is dating someone and regardless of whether she is going to the rally, it's clear that her interest is either non-existent or, at best, very low. How is it possible that it took her 36 hours to get your text message? You know that she's lying, yet you choose to believe it. It's clear that she's flaking on you. Best move on and don't waste your time on this chick.
truth_seeker Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Regardless of whether she is dating someone and regardless of whether she is going to the rally, it's clear that her interest is either non-existent or, at best, very low. How is it possible that it took her 36 hours to get your text message? You know that she's lying, yet you choose to believe it. It's clear that she's flaking on you. Best move on and don't waste your time on this chick. Yes, it is clear she is flaking but she doesn't know him that well so it's kinda understandable. She might be legitimately busy and also consider she might not want to come on strong with him this early. If I were him I would just send her a text the following week asking her how her rally went and let it be. She will probably expect him to ask her out again, so don't be surprised if she doesn't mention anything about going out. If she texts you, wait a bit and call her. Ask her out and you will know if she's into you or not.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Yes, it is clear she is flaking but she doesn't know him that well so it's kinda understandable. She might be legitimately busy and also consider she might not want to come on strong with him this early. How is it "understandable"? If you don't know somebody well enough and are not sure if you want to meet them, you shouldn't be agreeing to a date in the first place. Leading someone on and then flaking is not considered socially acceptable behavior in my book. Only someone with very low self-esteem would be caught chasing after a flake.
SabreDC Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm with Eddie on this one. She got free drinks on her birthday.
JohnP82 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 She's not interested. Unless she's a doctor and was on call for 36 hours there is no excuse.
amantis Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 believe in me , dont text her , dont call her , dont spend more time with her . If she wants another date , she will have to call you and thats it .
Emilia Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Don't contact her again, she is rude and not interested. Ignoring a text message when you have something set up tentatively is rude. It doesn't matter what her reason is. Maybe she was very tired over the weekend from the party and maybe she does need that Tuesday to prepare, who cares? If she is like this her reasons are irrelevant. I would look for someone better.
Christine52 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 This just happened to me too Even worse, He made plans, didn't confirm, and then backed out LAST minute. Fool me once, shame on me, Fool me twice, it's OVER. I gave him one more chance, and he did the same thing. Now I've lost respect for him, and think that why would a decent huma nbeing make plans with someone, knowing they don't truly want to go out with them? So, my conclusion is some people aren't decent. They promise to make plans because they're too afraid of confrontation and telling you directly they're not interested in you. They waste their own time, and worse, yours, and think they are being merciful by letting you down easy. It makes me really sad and angry, and I'm still getting over it. never happened to me before, so I'm glad I'm not the only one who's been treated like this. Know that there's better out there
Recommended Posts