Own Worst Enemy Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 Back story in a couple of sentences: actual romance was fairly short lived, but for the last 9 months or so we have been limping on as "best friends" (there is no s*x at all). Periodically I tell him I can't handle it and he tells me he wants to go back online and meet someone else. We have a blazing row and don't speak for a day, but then he succumbs and mails me. we always end up back in this v dependent relationship where we email each other many times a day, see each other once a week or more, and tell each other everything. He says he loves me but he isn't attracted to me because I need to lose weight, but more than that he has massive issues with sex. So tonight he emails me a pic of himself and his mates watching the football at his flat (little quirk of his, he always sends me pics of whatever he is doing). Just at the bottom of the pic can be seen his mate's hand. The hand is holding an iPad. And the iPad looks VERY like it is open on a dating website. Even though it is tiny and blurry and could realistically be anything and would he really show his workmate his dating profile during the football and at the very same time think oooh, time to email OWE whilst his mate reads it? But this has made me feel like I might simultaneously be sick and kill myself!!! I know that longer term I have got to cut this off (I mean to do it in a fortnight, but we are going out with a friend who has spent a lot of money on her train tickets and her outfit, so i don't see I can do it before then, not when it has dragged on for so long already). And I will work on that. But right now, how can I stop this awful sick paranoia and nerves? Any tips, apart from telling myself that if he is back online without telling me first given our discussions then he is a douche (done that) and that I am not the kind of girl who gets hysterical over one tiny square of photograph (done that too!)? Please help, I'm embarrassingly desperate. Thank you!
Philosoraptor Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yes, you do need to control yourself. You say you are very unhappy with this relationship yet you continue to stay. This reeks horribly of codependency and what would do you well is some time alone to learn to lean on yourself. I don't think counseling is a bad option either as there is a reason you feel the need to stay with this person even through misery.
Ruby65 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Yes, you do need to control yourself. You say you are very unhappy with this relationship yet you continue to stay. This reeks horribly of codependency and what would do you well is some time alone to learn to lean on yourself. I don't think counseling is a bad option either as there is a reason you feel the need to stay with this person even through misery. Agreed -- step away from this guy and take time for yourself! Why continue investing more time and emotion in a man who's said he isn't attracted to you and doesn't consider you to be his girlfriend? Sadly whether or not he's on a dating site is none of your concern, since as you say you're just friends now, so he has every right to look for a girlfriend. And until he finds one, you're there giving him all the companionship while asking nothing in return.... great for him, not so great for you! This isn't love and it isn't really a genuine friendship either, as you're clearly wanting more. Don't settle for this. You deserve to have a real boyfriend who's crazy about you and can't keep his hands off you! If you feel your weight is an issue maybe this is something you can work on improving -- but do it for yourself, not for this guy! There's nothing like working out to help get over someone.
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