Am I going too fast?

[Thierro]

I met an overly shy girl. It's different from the girls that I used to date. I even think that something in her past made her that way. I don't want to throw the word 'abuse' around, but something doesn't seem right.

 

I really like this girl and she already opened up to me. People asked me how I got her to do that, because the people that know her have a hard time connecting with her.

 

I'm not sure if my alpha male behavior will rub her the right way. I don't want to come on too strong and push her away. I met her this friday and we had a good vibe going on. She's a bit socially awkward, her nonverbal communication is difficult to read. Her gentle smile tells me she feels at ease with me, but sometimes her face screams: "I need to get the hell away from him..now!" I've been told that people that know her experience the same issue.

 

Last thing I said to her was: "I like your company. I'd like to see you again. You have my number, so when you have a day off, we can do something fun." (I don't have her phone number) It's been 3 days and I haven't heard from her yet. I think I will send her the following E-mail, because I'm not sure if she is too shy to text me or isn't interested.

 

"Hey you,

 

I'm in for some pizza. How about you?

 

I want you to show me your pizza making skills you were talking about. I'll be your sous-chef for the day. We'll go shopping for the ingredients that we both enjoy as topping. I'm probably going for a shawarma pizza, mozzarella or maybe even a *her name* Special.

 

During dinner, I want to hear you talk about your favorite band you are so obsessed with. Bring some photomaterial and perhaps a cd we can skip through.

 

Maybe after we stuffed ourselves, we can go and watch a movie together.

 

*her name*, I want you to feel comfortable with me..."

 

I think I need to be very careful with her. I really want to take my time with her. I have already touched her in very subtle ways. She doesn't seem to mind. Is it a good idea to ask her when I want to do something intimate? If there is something going on between the two of us, I would like to start small: "Can I kiss you on the cheek?" I don't want to rush kissing and sex. I want to really know her before doing anything sexual. In this particular case, do I need to take the lead and do as I please or ask her for approval when I want to be intimate with her?

 

Am I going too fast?

 

Thanks

[Philosoraptor]

Don't worry so much and do what feels natural. If someone doesn't like you for being exactly how you are they're not the right person for you anyways.

 

I don't think that's going too far and if you feel like taking the lead here then by all means do so. I would say to drop that "I want you to feel comfortable with me..." though as it comes off a bit creepy.

[Ninjainpajamas]

IMO you're being way too forward/fast for dealing with a very shy girl.

 

You've really got to move at a pace that she feels comfortable with, you've got to be mr flexible and very sensitive to how she reacts. She may get overwhelmed, or shutdown, she may lack the ability to express herself and say how she really feels..she might not be able to find the right words.

 

I think the pizza thing is a good idea but not sure if thats a good idea if you haven't already spent time at one anothers place already...plus you just me this girl.

 

Being an Alpha male doesn't mean you cannot be gentle and patient, it doesn't mean rush rush forward, or push, it just means being able to be in control and the aggressor but with shy women the aggression can be too much quickly but that also depends on your ability to make a woman comfortable...that's another skill set.

 

You also need to get her number and initiate contact with her, feel out what she wants to do and feel comfortable with, don't just push plans, always be attentive and feeling the vibe of how she feels about it and be ready to adjust to that.

 

As she becomes more and more comfortable with you, she will undoubtedly trust you more, and that's the key. She will open up and express herself at her pace, but this is a chance for you to become frustrated and impatient as you may be used to more easy-going womenthat just go with the flow.

 

I think If you're an Alpha type you're not going to ask, you're going to still do...and I'm referring to the kiss, when it feels right is when you make the move, she's still a woman and still wants to be swept off her feet, she just needs more time to get there, possibly much more and in baby steps.

 

In terms of intimacy It's a very good idea however to talk with her about this first, especially If you sense she may be a virgin. If she is scared and overwhelmed you may run into an odd behavior or rejection. She needs to be able to trust you and feel comfortable with you first.

 

If you want to really get to know this girl and really think you have serious interest in this girl then put in the time, and not set a time limit with when you can get her into bed and crack the clam that nobody else could. Chances are If shes extremely shy, and maybe even never had sex this is a big deal, every step you're taking andgettingto knowher is doing more than most otherguys are doing, in her head she's thinking it's beacuse It's something special.

 

However don't be surprised If she's a freak either, once she feels comfortable...the quiet ones not the wild ones often contradict each other in terms of sexuality...not to get you overly excited...just sayin it doesn't make her a prude.

 

I have blessed with you far too much wisdom, I shall take my leave! ::rides off on a black horse::

[Thierro]

Philosoraptor: Thanks for sharing your advice, appreciated.

 

Ninjainpajamas: Noble stranger, riding off into the sunset on your black stallion, a wise man as well.

 

Not worrying so much is a good idea, but I do come on too strong sometimes when I neglect to listen to my spidey senses.

 

Taking a small step back wouldn't hurt me. She's very sensitive. I'm already less forward with her than my usual approach and it works fine at the moment.

 

She is coming over this friday. She responded just 15 minutes after my e-mail in a very sweet way. I can say with confidence that she is totally into me.

 

Thanks again for your help.

 

 

[LittlePrince]

You are going at whatever speed you prefer. If the one you want approves of it then they could possibly be the one for you otherwise they aren't.

[Thierro]

Update:

 

Her parents want to see me first, otherwise she isn't allowed to see me. I really don't understand this. She's 18 and I am 25. Why do I even bother to go ahead with this? I want to date a mature evolved women. Not a girl that is hold back by overprotecting parents. Something smells fishy.

 

But I THINK I really like her. Does it even make sense that I need to meet her parents first? We are not even dating, we are trying to get to know each other. If I go to meet her parents they will probably know more about me than she does. I'm just trying to keep it light and have fun with her. I understand if we are involved romantically or want to sleep over, but this just seems weird?

[Philosoraptor]

If she still lives under her parents roof she is still subject to their rules. If you're interested just suck it up and go for it.