manup Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Hi gang, and thanks for letting me join. I just want to know if other men are falling into these kinds of traps that are "damned if you do, damned if you don't". For example, when I was younger I was always told women (both young and older) went for "mature gentlemen". Now that I am one age wise, I see women my age flocking exclusively to young men, as are younger women (nothing wrong with that, but...). There is a disdain, in fact, for men in their 40s approaching women - starting with how every woman assumes I am married and cheating until I prove otherwise. Sorry, that gets old. Which brings me to online and offline dating. Now I hear some people have success with online dating, but I always felt women want to be pursued with more effort from the man's part, and I am OK with that. Yet if I go up to a woman I don't know in a social environment - cafe or bookstore, or other innocuous friendly environment, NOT bars or clubs - and try to make innocuous conversation, I get hostile reactions. I have to assume it's just me being a loser and a evolutionary mistake if no one else experiences this. If you read this far, I think you're awesome. you're fat, you have no game, your bald or poor
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'm sorry I caused you "nausea", but I don't know where referring to myself as a 'loser' (well, it's true) indicates an "inflated view of (their/my) self-worth". And I thought I made it clear that I very much can and want to "date women (your/my) own age or older". Where did I show the "disdain for women (his/my) own age"? If I did, I want to amend it. I reread your OP. It seemed to me that you were upset that you weren't able to get younger women. Then other posters chimed in about women 10-15 yrs younger being 'ripe for the pickins' and all that... Alot of guys have come here complaining about being 'losers' when all they can 'get' are women their own age or older.
Snowman219 Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I'm an attractive 46-y/o female. People are often shocked when they hear my age as they think I'm in my mid 30's. I get hit on (approached) way more often by men in their 60's or 70's. When men in their 40's or 50's do "hit on" me, it usually turns out that they thought I was younger and lose interest when they find out my age. This is maddening to me. It also makes me think that the OLD guys who hit on me must have also thought I was in my 30's! This is sick in my book. I have felt blessed by mother nature that as I have grown older I have developed a reasonable attraction to furry, flabby, balding, men. But her sense of humor is a sick one as they all want to date teenagers. Mother nature is a cruel mistress!
forastero Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 I dunno. I'm in my 50s, never been married, haven't been in a LTR for quite some time. A commercial about dogs jogged my memory a bit this evening and I googled "Love never found me" and I ended up here. After reading some of the posts here, I understand why. The dating scene sucks. Nobody wants to talk to somebody they don't know. Nobody wants to meet other people. I'm not a pick up in the bar kind of guy. If the bar is where the "action" is, I don't want it. Guys who won't date women their own age? What's up with dat? I'm willing to date women +/- 5 years. It just seems that when you get older, you become more isolated. I did so many of the things that are suggested, classes, groups etc. Nothing panned out. I do live in a large city. Same thing. Everybody's got their nose buried into something. Books with an i-pod. Newspapers with an i-pod. Busy, busy, busy. Nobody has time to just talk. People don't respond to just a little joke in line at the grocery store let alone have an intelligent conversation. Sigh. I was just about to try again until I found this thread. The hell with it.
dasein Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Thanks, guys. I try to avoid the "hitting on" of strange women, first of all - just genteel conversation. And I focus on women in their 30s - I only talk to younger women at a particular event where I feel we'll have something mutual to talk about, e.g a Meetup or professionals gathering. Underlined and bolded for those who respond to what they want to see in furtherance of their own agendas here versus what the poster actually POSTED. No idea how this thread was derailed into another -yawn- "age hypocrite" thread, or actually I do have an idea. People are low today generally, incapable of even basic polite social interactions. Lots of causes. Just read some of the hysterical replies to new posters here on LS for proof. Would recommend adding more socializing through friends and less random out type approaches. You have to work harder to seek out and find quality people today. Once you are into some good networks, though, you will find women looking for what you are offering. Once you get comfortable in a network, though, be more sexually overt without being boorish. Women today have dictated that's what they respond to, so we do what works. Good luck. 1
zengirl Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 This is the majority of people today, say for instance on the train or at a food court, if they're single they are or try to look busy. The majority of women on their own on the train have a book or have earphones on or are on the phone. I was at a food court the other week and I looked around at all the single women in my near vacinity and all of them (8) were on the phone (talking, txting away or watching something with earphones). I have to admit I find women in their 20s are more open to a random conversation than women in their 30s, who have probably been hit on 100s of times over the years and have their guard up/cynical of men's motives/no interest if they can tell in first second you don't appeal to them. I'm 27, and there are loads of times I really just want to be left alone when out and about. I try to wear earphones and such for this purpose. I don't really want to be rude, but I don't want to get dragged into some long conversation or hit on or whatnot. I can't always wear my wedding ring on my finger because I have joint inflammation that generally impacts my hands first if it arises (a kind of very mild form of arthritis, caused by an auto-immune disease). I have noticed that does work even better at keeping men away! Which basically leads me to believe no one is really approaching me in public (or much rarer) just to make conversation, so let's not pretend that's it. Should women be up for being hit on in public, whether it's done in a discreet, polite manner, or an in-your-face manner? (And, yes, it's still hitting on if you wouldn't go up to her if she had a wedding ring or was unattractive or so forth! Even if you say it's something more innocent.) My thought is no. We are not just here for other people's purposes, so if a woman doesn't want that attention, she's welcome to show her displeasure with it. I'm not suggesting it's fine for her to berate you, but a bit of coldness, unresponsiveness, or even a curt, "I'm not interested in talking to you" seems fine to me. The attention was not solicited and it is not wanted. Granted, if it is a social event where people are commonly socializing or so forth, that's different, but if she's doing her banking or picking up her dry cleaning, she has a right to be annoyed, in my view. So do men if they get approached and aren't wanting to!
Thornton Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Dating an older man is a trade-off between looks and success... older guys may not look as good but they're more successful and wealthy. The worse he looks, the more successful he has to be to make up for it. For women dating older men in their twenties/thirties, these guys still look good and there's little sacrifice involved. But for women dating older men in their forties, this is when looks really start to go downhill and the guy starts to look old, so he had better be pretty successful to make up for that. Just because you're attracted to younger women, that doesn't mean younger women are attracted to you. An attractive woman of 30 has plenty of options. She could date a handsome and successful man aged 30... or 35... or 40... Are you offering anything extra that would make her choose you instead of a man her own age? Are you successful enough to make up for being older?
RedRobin Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Dating an older man is a trade-off between looks and success... older guys may not look as good but they're more successful and wealthy. The worse he looks, the more successful he has to be to make up for it. For women dating older men in their twenties/thirties, these guys still look good and there's little sacrifice involved. But for women dating older men in their forties, this is when looks really start to go downhill and the guy starts to look old, so he had better be pretty successful to make up for that. Just because you're attracted to younger women, that doesn't mean younger women are attracted to you. An attractive woman of 30 has plenty of options. She could date a handsome and successful man aged 30... or 35... or 40... Are you offering anything extra that would make her choose you instead of a man her own age? Are you successful enough to make up for being older? This assumes that women are just looking for a man with money. I have plenty of my own. I don't need a 'successful' or wealthy man. Just one who lives within his means and is stable. This is where things HAVE changed for alot of men aged 40+. Women aren't looking for the same things anymore, so it comes as a bit of a shock when their 'success' can't be easily parlayed into getting younger women. 1
Author mario_C Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 Thank you, Dasein, for actually reading my comments and your encouraging advice. I reread your OP. It seemed to me that you were upset that you weren't able to get younger women. Then other posters chimed in about women 10-15 yrs younger being 'ripe for the pickins' and all that... Alot of guys have come here complaining about being 'losers' when all they can 'get' are women their own age or older. I'm sure they do, and I think you read that into my comments when that was not what I was saying. Well, I forgive you. you're fat, you have no game, your bald or poor 2 out of 4 ain't bad!
carhill Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I reread your OP. It seemed to me that you were upset that you weren't able to get younger women. Then other posters chimed in about women 10-15 yrs younger being 'ripe for the pickins' and all that... Alot of guys have come here complaining about being 'losers' when all they can 'get' are women their own age or older. The OP complained that the women his age were going for younger men and the mathematician in me concluded that, all else being equal, this would leave a contingent of younger women, apparently within the OP's targeted dating range, 'ripe for pickin's'. As most locales have fairly balanced age-determined ratios of male to female, it sounded sensible. That was the extent of my opinion. I'm out of the dating game.
Author mario_C Posted June 13, 2012 Author Posted June 13, 2012 The OP complained that the women his age were going for younger men and the mathematician in me concluded that, all else being equal, this would leave a contingent of younger women, apparently within the OP's targeted dating range, 'ripe for pickin's'. As most locales have fairly balanced age-determined ratios of male to female, it sounded sensible. That was the extent of my opinion. I'm out of the dating game. Me too:laugh: Me three. Maybe I'm better off by myself. Obviously that's what's happening anyway, just accept it. Right? Anyway, you're obviously smarter than me, Carhill, so it took a while to determine your message. That women my age all want younger partners - ding! - and younger women, which so far everyone but me has said I should be targeting, are in plentiful supply - bzz! I said they want partners their own age, and I said that's a good thing. So the statement that there's a balanced ratio of age and gender holds no water. Well, I can see this is going nowhere. I'll come back tomorrow or something.
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 The OP complained that the women his age were going for younger men and the mathematician in me concluded that, all else being equal, this would leave a contingent of younger women, apparently within the OP's targeted dating range, 'ripe for pickin's'. As most locales have fairly balanced age-determined ratios of male to female, it sounded sensible. That was the extent of my opinion. I'm out of the dating game. Thanks for clarifying. I respect your opinion and know from your many posts here that you sincerely respect women... Even if you aren't up for the dating game. I'm not a big 'dater' either... That's probably obvious to alot of people.
sid3 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Actually,I'm back in, I just took a break for a few hours to rest up.
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Actually,I'm back in, I just took a break for a few hours to rest up. glad to see your sense of humor has returned.
sid3 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 glad to see your sense of humor has returned. Actually, it never left. Miss me eh?
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) Me three. Maybe I'm better off by myself. Obviously that's what's happening anyway, just accept it. Right? Anyway, you're obviously smarter than me, Carhill, so it took a while to determine your message. That women my age all want younger partners - ding! - and younger women, which so far everyone but me has said I should be targeting, are in plentiful supply - bzz! I said they want partners their own age, and I said that's a good thing. So the statement that there's a balanced ratio of age and gender holds no water. Well, I can see this is going nowhere. I'll come back tomorrow or something. Alright... now that I understand your post a bit better... Here is the deal... I've had three men approach me the past couple of weeks. All three got my number, so if it could work with a hard-shell chick like me, I'm sure it could work with ladies near you. Considering that I won't do OLD and I tend to only date men I meet through friends/family, I consider it something for them to manage it. So, here is what they did.... In every case, I was occupied doing something (ie gassing up my motorcycle, working on my computer, walking with my dog). All three activities say something about 'me' and are an easy in to start up a conversation. They were also activities where one or the other can just walk away or provide a polite 'exit' if the conversation isn't flowing. It starts with random chit-chat with me. If the guy does anything overtly sexual though, at anytime during the interaction, deal over. Getting my number just means there is a potential to meet later. Much like one would do if it were business related. No pressure on either side. In fact, the nicest thing was that they offered to give me their number and/or asked for mine and let ME choose. That was another winner. I (being the lady) was wise to give them some indication of interest. In the case of the motorcycle, I stopped what I was doing to come over and check out his bike. In the case of the guy who got my number at Starbucks, I came over to his table and plopped down to pet his puppy. These are cues you should look for. There is another guy at Starbucks who tried to chat me up before but got nowhere. Not sure why. He was just creepy and probably over enthusiastic. In the cases where the guy got my number, he was very casual and low pressure. Just talked to me like a regular person. So, there you go. A few tips. Oh... and on the bolded above. If all you are looking for is sex (mostly) then remove that advice. Other men will tell you to make your sexual intentions known ASAP. I suppose that works for some women and for the three-date rule guys who aren't into getting to know a woman first. Edited June 13, 2012 by RedRobin 1
carhill Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I said they want partners their own age, and I said that's a good thing. So the statement that there's a balanced ratio of age and gender holds no water. The ones you meet may have expressed that preference but think about the raw numbers..... Unless people are practicing polyamory and/or remain celibate and 'out of the dating game', there has to be a matchup somewhere. We had a thread about this dynamic recently and I recall posting the census data from my area, since the population is so small. It was eye-opening, and a real confirmation of some of the anecdotes I've shared, specifically that there are very few single women (single householders) in the area. A real plus for you is that apparently you are meeting single women; they just prefer a different age range than of yourself. Somewhere in your area there are straight women without partners. I guess they could be also chasing younger men than yourself and would rather remain celibate than settle. That's possible. Another possibility for yourself is an 'older' woman. My recollections from my time spent in CT (friends lived in Westport) was that there were some pretty delicious and apparently well-off single older ladies around. Live a little 1
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Actually, it never left. Miss me eh? Yes, you are a charming little devil. You know you are!
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Yes, I'm backing up Carhill's post. There is some very interesting demographic info out there that is truly eye-opening. Despite the recent 'flood' of local attention from men in my age range, it usually is horrible for me (I live in the NE, where the male to female ratio is greatly skewed favoring the gents). Poor Carhill lives in sausage-ville. Seriously. The west coast is skewed the opposite direction... with many more single men than women.
2sure Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm over 40, divorced, and have no more problem meeting men than I ever have. I have often heard, after guys get to me, that I seemed unapproachable. I have to admit that when I was younger...like 5 years ago.. I was more OK with men "cold calling". I was always one to take a business card , not give mine. And now I'm even more...suspicious? Selective? I'm very flattered when a good looking man of any age approaches me...but unless you know someone I know...not going to happen.
sid3 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 Alright... now that I understand your post a bit better... Here is the deal... I've had three men approach me the past couple of weeks. All three got my number, so if it could work with a hard-shell chick like me, I'm sure it could work with ladies near you. Considering that I won't do OLD and I tend to only date men I meet through friends/family, I consider it something for them to manage it. So, here is what they did.... In every case, I was occupied doing something (ie gassing up my motorcycle, working on my computer, walking with my dog). All three activities say something about 'me' and are an easy in to start up a conversation. They were also activities where one or the other can just walk away or provide a polite 'exit' if the conversation isn't flowing. It starts with random chit-chat with me. If the guy does anything overtly sexual though, at anytime during the interaction, deal over. Getting my number just means there is a potential to meet later. Much like one would do if it were business related. No pressure on either side. In fact, the nicest thing was that they offered to give me their number and/or asked for mine and let ME choose. That was another winner. I (being the lady) was wise to give them some indication of interest. In the case of the motorcycle, I stopped what I was doing to come over and check out his bike. In the case of the guy who got my number at Starbucks, I came over to his table and plopped down to pet his puppy. These are cues you should look for. There is another guy at Starbucks who tried to chat me up before but got nowhere. Not sure why. He was just creepy and probably over enthusiastic. In the cases where the guy got my number, he was very casual and low pressure. Just talked to me like a regular person. So, there you go. A few tips. Oh... and on the bolded above. If all you are looking for is sex (mostly) then remove that advice. Other men will tell you to make your sexual intentions known ASAP. I suppose that works for some women and for the three-date rule guys who aren't into getting to know a woman first. Wow, three lucky guys huh? You've been busy, I'd say play on playaa but I know better.
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) Wow, three lucky guys huh? You've been busy, I'd say play on playaa but I know better. I think it is just summertime and everyone is coming out of *&^% hibernation. No skill involved. Not letting it go to my head. For all I know, they got a whole harem lined up and they are looking to make me 'wife' #3 (as in, simultaneously, not sequentially) ha ha Decided to meet moto man over at Laconia Bike Week in NH. Might get a ride on a Ducati after all. (not his... a demo... moto man was driving a Harley). I rode a 1900 cc Yamaha 'Raider' SCL at Americade last weekend. Big bike for a little girl. I'll send you a pic... edited: DROVE a 1900 cc Yamaha 'Raider'... this girl drives her own bikes, thank you Edited June 13, 2012 by RedRobin 1
RedRobin Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 I'm over 40, divorced, and have no more problem meeting men than I ever have. I have often heard, after guys get to me, that I seemed unapproachable. I have to admit that when I was younger...like 5 years ago.. I was more OK with men "cold calling". I was always one to take a business card , not give mine. And now I'm even more...suspicious? Selective? I'm very flattered when a good looking man of any age approaches me...but unless you know someone I know...not going to happen. I might be where you are soon enough. Will see how this latest round goes.
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