no_radar Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 I'm male, in my early 20's and relatively successful at getting girls interested in me, however once we get to the so called 'courting' stage I seem to self destruct......every time!! I, as many others spend a lot of time texting girls during the courting stage, at first I'm fine, play it cool, don't worry about things, but after a period of time always find myself saying silly or soppy things in texts or conversations that then start to make girls back off or lose interest. It's not like i'm contacting them all the time or being needy, just that i always seem to say the wrong things at the wrong time. I do find I fall for girls on an infrequent basis, but when I do i fall head over heals. I'm very independent having lived on my own since 14 and can find it hard to let people entirely into my life, probably subconsciously putting up some kind of barrier for myself. I have never had a long term girlfriend at 22 years old and I always get asked why I don't have a girlfriend by mates and other girls as it seems there is usually some girl that is interested in me. I'm getting to know a girl at the moment who I think likes me and we are soon going to a festival together, sometimes we speak and text everyday and sometimes not speak to each other for a week or more as we both live very busy lives. The thing is I am starting to feel myself falling for her and I just know that I will be on the cusp of again saying something stupid or being too soppy. Why do I do this, starting to think i'm socially retarded when it comes to the whole dating thing?! Grrr
Nukulus Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I'm much the same way. I just don't get it. You send a text that feels right in the moment and then boom... No response and you just have to wonder if maybe it was over the top. I don't send any sappy stuff or anything like that, and I try and keep conversation to a minimum but it doesn't seem to matter... It's amazing how quickly girls seem to be into you, and then not. Seems like sometimes its a matter of hours.
WonderKid Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 It happened to me a lot. But what I really hate is when they send three word replies or don't reply at all. But, they state, "I love a man who can hold a conversation." But they can't themselves. I even talk about similar interests but still three word short replies. Just be yourself. That's all you can be. Think before you send that text.
bamp78 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 The root of your problem is your communication. Only use the phone to handle logistics ie: hanging out setting up dates etc. If you know that you eventually do/say something stupid via text then stop using it as a way of talking to girls about everyday things just use it as a way to get them to spend time with you. Problem solved... 1
Solo34 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 The root of your problem is your communication. Only use the phone to handle logistics ie: hanging out setting up dates etc. If you know that you eventually do/say something stupid via text then stop using it as a way of talking to girls about everyday things just use it as a way to get them to spend time with you. Problem solved... EXACTLY...NEVER have "conversations" via text or phone until it is definitely your GF. Until you're actually an item, you only want to set up when and where you'll be seeing each other, that's all.
Pierre Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 OP It is awkward to date perfect strangers. That is why the women are goofy and you have no clue about what to do. Dating in the open is difficult when you seek a relationship with a stranger. BTW, I have noted that affair relationships are very intense and with hundreds of texts a day and with the most over the top dialogue you have ever seen in your life. The reason is that affair partners generally know each other rather well before the affair starts. So one could say they are not dating a stranger. 1
bamp78 Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 OP It is awkward to date perfect strangers. That is why the women are goofy and you have no clue about what to do. Dating in the open is difficult when you seek a relationship with a stranger. BTW, I have noted that affair relationships are very intense and with hundreds of texts a day and with the most over the top dialogue you have ever seen in your life. The reason is that affair partners generally know each other rather well before the affair starts. So one could say they are not dating a stranger. Rubbish and completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. The op was asking where his fallacy was while dealing with women and you delve into ashley madison type stuff. If you are morally ok with having affairs than keep it to yourself cause trust me the majority if real men don't need to live your kind of lifestyle. Dating IS easier with strangers cause you don't have to concern yourself with hurting mutual friends feelings or ever having any kind of awkward moments.
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