eleanorhurting Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 how is she needy? why are people labeled as needy when they want their needs met? Link to post Share on other sites
wordrock Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 how is she needy? why are people labeled as needy when they want their needs met? Usually means they are with the wrong kind of person. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard a story like this. But the bottom line is that you should end things as quickly as possible. This whole situation is fractured because of two things: you moved in together (and whose idea was it for you to move in together, I might ask?), and you are the breadwinner of this household. This is not going to change, even if you sell your house and buy a new one together. This is always going to bother him even if he says it does not. It's not your fault, you did your best. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 what does that have to do with it? Nobody can see the future, whatever happens, whatever the circumstances. That's why we make decisions based on what we know now. and all you know is you are making assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
InJest Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Your gut reaction was right. Leave him before he leaves you. No need to drag it out. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 and all you know is you are making assumptions. ....Said LittlePrince, making an assumption..... Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 ....Said LittlePrince, making an assumption..... Okay that made no sense. It wouldn't be an assumption unless you are suggesting you can tell the future after all. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Your comment was an assumption. it wasn't a question, it was a statement, an assessment of my comment. And as such, an assumption. let's not go so far off-topic that we earn ourselves a little yellow card, shall we? If you feel the need to continue this, by all means pm me. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 No, it is a fact unless you can prove clairvoyance. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 My bf and I have been together for about 2 years and living together for about 6 months. Before he moved in I had lived by myself for 8 years so its been a bit of a learning experience for me and Ive made some mistakes (such as staying out with girlfriends until the wee hours and not letting him know where I was and taking my stress out on him as Ive just started a high pressure new job). Anyway, we have worked through these things and I am getting better at taking his feelings into account. The past few weeks, I thought, were like a dream. I like the way you present you behavior as a "learning experience" and making "some mistakes". I think most people would describe it as "treating your boyfriend like sh*t". Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I like the way you present you behavior as a "learning experience" and making "some mistakes". I think most people would describe it as "treating your boyfriend like sh*t". Women live their entire romantic lives within a spin zone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Highness Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies, its been an education. I have decided to continue on with the r'ship and see where the cards fall. The past few days have been wonderful together and I am feeling closer with him, so who knows, maybe he was just having a bad week. Im going to continue keeping the lines of communication open. After all, as many of you have said, Ive invested 2 years into this r'ship and I believe he is the love of my life - Im not just going to cut and run after one negative discussion. Ive taken your comments on board though, especially about him being a 'kept man'. I didnt think about it like that. Neither of us want that kind of unequal r'ship. I encourage him to go out with his mates and have a life of his own although I am probably controlling in other areas (the domestic chores is really about my borderline OCD rather than him being lazy!). The truth is though that I will always earn signficantly more than him so he just has to accept it and work with it, otherwise we cant be together. I think he brings other things to our r'ship - he is the most hilarious, fun person I know and way more emotionally mature than me. He has also gotten me through some pretty tough times in my personal life. I see us as a team, though I also liked the advice about me living my own life to the fullest and showin him he's an addition to my happiness. I havent felt insecure in this r'ship until he mentioned moving out and Ive found myself being more needy around him lately, which is just downright unattractive (and not true to my personality either). I'll work on this. Thanks again for everyone's replies, and keep 'em coming! I'll continue to share updates as they happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Good luck Highness, hope things work out with you both. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erynelizabeth Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Thanks everyone for your thoughtful replies, its been an education. I have decided to continue on with the r'ship and see where the cards fall. The past few days have been wonderful together and I am feeling closer with him, so who knows, maybe he was just having a bad week. Im going to continue keeping the lines of communication open. After all, as many of you have said, Ive invested 2 years into this r'ship and I believe he is the love of my life - Im not just going to cut and run after one negative discussion. Ive taken your comments on board though, especially about him being a 'kept man'. I didnt think about it like that. Neither of us want that kind of unequal r'ship. I encourage him to go out with his mates and have a life of his own although I am probably controlling in other areas (the domestic chores is really about my borderline OCD rather than him being lazy!). The truth is though that I will always earn signficantly more than him so he just has to accept it and work with it, otherwise we cant be together. I think he brings other things to our r'ship - he is the most hilarious, fun person I know and way more emotionally mature than me. He has also gotten me through some pretty tough times in my personal life. I see us as a team, though I also liked the advice about me living my own life to the fullest and showin him he's an addition to my happiness. I havent felt insecure in this r'ship until he mentioned moving out and Ive found myself being more needy around him lately, which is just downright unattractive (and not true to my personality either). I'll work on this. Thanks again for everyone's replies, and keep 'em coming! I'll continue to share updates as they happen. I would like to know how this has worked out for you. Have you made progress? Was keeping your faith worth it? I really hope it was. Would you advise someone to make the same decision you did if they were in similar shoes as yours? Please, do tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Where can you place your bets? I'd like a place a large wager on the demise of this relationship. First of all, moving out because you make more than him? how in the world does that justify anything If he has the emotions for you? you mean to tell me he wants to make more money and get on his own feet so that he can match you in some way even though you state he'll never accomplish that...are you blind or just naive? Oh but these were issues in the relationship, a major issue even...yet he still moved in with you and had a relationship and it wasn't an issue buuuut all of a sudden magically he has these feelings again about this main issue out of thin air? You know what really happened? something changed...whether it was with his emotions or agenda, now he's going to back-off regain some control on his life and create a more independent distance and start putting the focus back on his life...and eventually seek out other potential love interest. Don't be surprised If you sneak on his computer and find those good ole OLD profiles! Fact of the matter is you clearly see this relationship from your own eyes enough to overlook the real emotional state of your relationship...how in the world are you going to develop or progress in a relationship by taking a step backwards? what...he's going to want to move back in with you one day? and which happens first...he sells his house or you sell yours to move back in together? You can live in this denial of a fantasy all you want...hope, dream, say you can't predict the future (as IF men don't love to use that one when they've got one hand over the ejection seat lever) and waste not just 2 years, but several more so that you can invest even more and hurt even more when this guy tells you... "Sorry...it isn't you, it's me...you're a great girl, a great companion and deserve a guy who really loves and appreciates you...BUT, my @ss is gone...but don't worry I'll always love you...oh and yeah It was your job that did this, I just can't take that as a man....you know, so you continue to believe in the BS instead of how I really felt and you can use that as an excuse of why this relationship ended instead of the truth...kinda like where you were when you gave me a chance after I wanted to get farther away from you....but hey, you know...who can tell the future so It wasn't a bad decision on your part or mine..just didn't "work out"....cya, I'll be jumping into a relationship two months from now with someone else with a high paying job as well but you know...try not to notice so you can still believe in your illusion!...love ya forever!" I can't for the life of me understand how people insist on slamming face first into a wall...and then magically they're doing the same thing/mistakes with someone else...humans truly are amazing that it takes that long to figure out it's a concrete wall..spitting out your teeth and blood just to snap out of it. I'd wish you good luck but good luck to what? I hope he moves back in a few years now after a sudden realization that he really loves you and wants to be with you?....yeaaaaaah, good luck with that! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 I'm afraid I agree that he's just using it as an excuse. I don't know about falling out of love with you though but I do think that for some reason he's started to back out of the relationship. I'm really sorry because it is obviously very hurtful to you. Once someone opts out there's not a lot you can do. You can try to talk to him about it but deep down he's already made a decision. He just hasn't acted on it yet. You could let him go and see if if he realises that he's made the wrong decision, but that would be a painful situation too, waiting and wondering and the outcome is likely to be the same. I wish I could say it could work out but people don't leave for no reason. Don't assume any of this is your fault, whatever reasons he is giving. Sometimes people fall out of love or realise their personalities don't work together. It's a natural thing for people to come together and either stick or drift apart again. The hard thing is where it hurts someone. It might be best for you to accept him leaving and refuse a 'half-way house' situation where you are still 'together'. He also needs to understand that he's not half leaving this relationship. I'm sure he already realises what a step he's contemplating though. Whether he's trying to soften it for you or for himself, I don't know, but it's a recipe for confusion and pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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