julesjane5 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I've been dating my girlfriend for three months now and it's been pretty much great. She's got a good heart, appreciates me, is fun to be around and makes me smile. When we first started hanging out we were both getting out of relationships and I had some reservations about us getting together. Not about her, just about it being too soon. She was all in but I was hesitant. So we took our time but eventually, she asked me to commit. I knew she was worth it so I put my fears aside and took the leap of faith. It was great for a while. Lately though, I noticed she has been a bit distant and it has bothered me. It was like the roles were reversed. Now, I was all in and SHE was holding back. I finally asked her what was up and she finally revealed she had been contacted by her ex. She was honest about what they spoke about and while her ex was definitely trying to flirt, she behaved appropriately. However, now she feels she is not over this ex and doesn't know what to do. She KNOWS and fully ADMITS that they cannot and will not ever work. They didn't even work in the first place, this girl strung her along for months and would never commit and then finally revealed she had committed to someone else. Broke her heart. Now she's back trying to ruin things for us. My girlfriend says I'm perfect and she knows I care for her and that she cares for me too. She doesn't want to give up but doesn't know if she's ready to be in a relationship. (I don't get it, she ASKED me? She was ready then but not now?) So she says she needs some time and space. So we decided for take four days off, See each other for a day bc of previously made plans, and then take the rest of the week (I'm away on business) to think if needed. This was HER idea. However, she continues to contact me every day like nothing has changed. It kills me inside bc it hurts so much and I miss her so much. What I'm asking: -What advice can you give me in the situation? I've never done the "space" thing before. -How do I respond to her contacting me? I want to talk to her but I also want her to MISS ME. If we talk as much as before, how can she do that? I feel like she wants time and space in name but wants me around to talk to just like before. Have her cake and eat it too. -What can I do to help her realize I'm the one who's right here, right in front of her and who TRULY cares about her? (Without sounding whiny or needy) -What can I do to help her miss me and maybe realize what she might have to give up? -How do I cope with the JEALOUSY??? I will respect whichever decision she makes but I truly care for her so I don't want to at least try to work it out. This other girl has mystery and unattainability on her side which can be POWERFUL aphrodisiacs. Help me not appear "Safe" and "Unexciting"! Help me appear the right choice! Help me have a fighting chance! Thank you so much!
Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ok, this situation is nasty and not usually very fun. If you read around here many of the things you were told often are used to keep the new person on the line while they try (even though they say they want nothing to do with the ex) to work things out with their ex. If she wants space then give it to her. Do not initiate contact with her and minimize your responses to her just to protect your own heart if she is going down that path. Not much you can do to change things though. Her heart is still with this old flame and until she is over him she will never be yours.
Author julesjane5 Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 Thank you for your answers! It's rough but I appreciate your advice! Any tips on how to resist contacting her? Especially since she keeps contacting me? Or to deal with the "jealous feelings" eating away at me? I can't stand the thought of the ex having free reign to contact her while I must resist and force myself not to. How is THAT fair? lol
Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 But I don't WANT to lose her..????? Right now it doesn't seem like she's yours to lose anyways. Just take care of yourself right now. Get a new hobby, join a group of some sort... just foster your own growth.
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