MelissaD Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hi everyone! I'm new here and this is my first post. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me in mid-April. He moved about 5 hours away last September and we struggled for the last few months until he decided he didn't want a long distance relationship anymore. He's not happy at his new job and used the excuse "I need to figure out my career before I can focus on a relationship." he never really said it, but I was very anxious and somewhat jealous of his new friends. For the first month or so, I would text or call him and ask him about getting back together and I ended up going to visit him to talk about getting back together. We decided to try again, but then got in a fight and I left. I continued to ask, cry, beg, etc. Two weeks I decided to try NC and started a new job on Monday in a new state. He texted me this week 4 out of 5 days and I was very friendly but ended conversations quickly. What's my next move?? Should I go NC and only let him text me? Start initiating casual "this reminded me of you" texts and hope he keeps initiating as well? I'd really like to get back together and honestly feel that my attitude toward our relationship has changed and we could be great together. Obviously I can't tell him that directly though!! Help!
Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Now why can't you be direct? The worst he can say is no and playing games just delays an answer. If he wants to try again he will say yes and you can discuss things. If he doesn't want to the games will just delay the rejection and start your healing process later down the line. What is it with these games that people have such a desire to play? What happened to just being yourself and being honest?
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Now why can't you be direct? The worst he can say is no and playing games just delays an answer. If he wants to try again he will say yes and you can discuss things. If he doesn't want to the games will just delay the rejection and start your healing process later down the line. What is it with these games that people have such a desire to play? What happened to just being yourself and being honest? I agree. OP, don't fear the rejection so much that you delay it (easier said than done, been there) If it is coming, let it come and be done with it. Rip off the proverbial bandaid and let the healing begin. And yes Raptor, what is so wrong with just putting your "cards on the table" and ending it fairly, whether the outcome is together or apart? I don't understand game-playing either. Love is not a game and should not be treated as such.
Author MelissaD Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 I guess I'm just anxious because only two weeks ago he said he doesn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I'm actually doing okay, I just don't know if he might need more time to figure things out...
sweetheart5381 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I guess I'm just anxious because only two weeks ago he said he doesn't want a long distance relationship anymore. I'm actually doing okay, I just don't know if he might need more time to figure things out... He may need time, but your time is valuable too... don't wait for him. He is spreading his wings, that's ok, you should too. Real, true love is offering freedom to the other. If he isnt ready or available for a relationship, then take it as it comes. It hurts sometimes. Offering absolute freedom to another is actually very gratifying and strengthens any further relationship development. At the same time, offering freedom doesn't mean waiting for them to return. You may find "greener pastures" and they may too... in the end if you truly love them, then you will find pleasure knowing that your loved one is happy. Your life is happening right now, enjoy it. Don't wait. 1
Author MelissaD Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 I suppose you're right. I'm doing my best to move on, but I just moved to a new state and haven't met many people yet. Hopefully that happens soon and will make it easier.
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