irin Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 okay whats the best way to get a guy off your back? with guys that i dont know, its pretty simply, its a straight no, i know its harsh, but i cant afford to go on dates with every guy that asks me. but with guys that i sort of know from previous jobs, school, through friends. i feel terrible. like there was this guy i reconnected with on fb from school. had a little chat about school days. he asked me for my numb i didnt give it him. he kind of got upset. then he kept massaging me, i didnt answer, i really dont want to lead him on, he keeps massaging me. i feel really bad. and it be so awkward if i run into him. i just have no interest in dating right now, actually its been a long time, i just completely lost interest, about two years ago. i feel like im a hopeless romantic, and the world of dating is too much for me to handle. and ive decided to dedicate this summer to my creative work, study, and work. so no going out for me.
Pyro Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Just tell them that you are not interested in dating right now. There really isn't a universal way to let all guys down gently.
Author irin Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Just tell them that you are not interested in dating right now. There really isn't a universal way to let all guys down gently. what if that doesnt work? some of them dont seem to get it!
Pyro Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 what if that doesnt work? some of them dont seem to get it! ignore them or get stern with them. You may have to get mean with some guys before they get the hint.
Cracker Jack Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Yeah, just be honest about not wanting to date. If the guy throws a hissy fit about it, that's his problem, not yours. You can't cater to everyone.
no_radar Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 sounds a bit of a strange one if he keeps messaging you when you havent replied. just say what youve said here, if he keeps messaging you just block him, or even better delete facebook, an awful website!
wordrock Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Don't do it gently. Guys need a stern wake up to overcome infatuation. If simply saying it doesn't work, just add a bit of anger to it. If you don't like acting like that, the only thing you can do is ignore them from that point. Also, you don't really need to give a reason. If a guy starts trying to argue with you just tell him to stop acting like a child and be a man. "Find someone who actually likes you." That usually shuts them up! 1
TLY22 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Just tell them that you are not interested in dating right now. There really isn't a universal way to let all guys down gently. But what if you are interested in dating, just not dating that person? They're going to feel pretty cut if you say, "Oh thanks, but I'm not interested in dating right now.." But then you end up going on a date with someone else because you're attracted to them and see a relationship happening.. This is my issue. I have a lot of male friends (most from school so they know that nothing will ever happen between me and any of them), but some newer guys who I've just met start to think something could happen. I'm nice, it's just in my nature; I think some guys see this as me leading them on, so they ask me on a date... I say no, because I'm not interested in that person in particular. I don't want to hurt them, so how would I let someone know that I'm interested in a relationship, I'm just not attracted to THEM in particular. Nothing against them, I'm just not attracted.. Sorry if this is confusing lol..
Pyro Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 But what if you are interested in dating, just not dating that person? They're going to feel pretty cut if you say, "Oh thanks, but I'm not interested in dating right now.." But then you end up going on a date with someone else because you're attracted to them and see a relationship happening.. This is my issue. I have a lot of male friends (most from school so they know that nothing will ever happen between me and any of them), but some newer guys who I've just met start to think something could happen. I'm nice, it's just in my nature; I think some guys see this as me leading them on, so they ask me on a date... I say no, because I'm not interested in that person in particular. I don't want to hurt them, so how would I let someone know that I'm interested in a relationship, I'm just not attracted to THEM in particular. Nothing against them, I'm just not attracted.. Sorry if this is confusing lol.. you really don't owe it to anyone at this point to be honest. By telling them that you aren't interested in them will tend to bruise their ego and bring the worst out of them. I've heard plenty of excuses in the past and it's fine.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) Just tell them that you are not interested in dating right now. There really isn't a universal way to let all guys down gently. then he kept massaging me, i didnt answer, i really dont want to lead him on, he keeps massaging me. i feel really bad. and it be so awkward if i run into him. They kept massaging you? Did it feel good? if he keeps messaging you after you told him no, its his problem, not yours. Thats when you ignore him. No, you tell them that you arent interested in dating THEM at ALL. If you just say youre not interested in dating, that leaves the door open for them to keep trying if they are obsessive and desperate. So you have to shut them down completely. Dont worry, you wont hurt their feelings, you will just bruise and ego for about 5 minutes, they will live. If you talk to guys on 1 date, or on facebook, unless they are already friends, they want to date you, so youre kind of leading them on. So you do owe it to them, and yourself, to tell them youre not interested in them, if you want to get them off your back. But if you dont want guys to keep bugging you, stop talking to them. Edited June 9, 2012 by Eddie Edirol
Lil1 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 By telling them that you aren't interested in them will tend to bruise their ego and bring the worst out of them. This is very true Irin. A few months ago I gave my number to a guy (36 years old) whom I thought was a gentleman. However through a conversation we had I learned he has a kid, which is a dealbreaker for me. I told him this. He seemed to understand, and insisted on being 'friends'. I ran into him one night when I was out with a friend and he was hammered. Acted like a total jack ass. He kept texting me after that as if nothing had happened (he probably didn't remember). I ignored his texts for about a week. He did not get the hint so I had to tell him, politefully and respectfully, that I did not want to be contacted by him anymore and told him his behavior was unacceptable to me (he called my friend a cow and almost got into a fight with my guy friends - they did not hurt him out of respect for me. Anyway, he responded with a series of texts calling me all sorts of demeaning names and basically made an ass out of himself again. Moral of the story: you can't control how a man handles rejection. The only thing within your control is whom you allow into your life. Don't waste your time being polite to men who refuse to acknowledge that you are not interested, and especially don't fall into the 'oh we can just be friends' BS they all give.
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 okay whats the best way to get a guy off your back? Tell him you'll give him head if you promise never to speak to him again. If women really did this then guys would approach women much more often.
gaius Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ignoring guys completely is the only way to get rid of some of us. If you keep a dialogue open they might think there is a chance, even if all you're saying is no.
wordrock Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ignoring guys completely is the only way to get rid of some of us. If you keep a dialogue open they might think there is a chance, even if all you're saying is no. Agreed. Sometimes when someone is very infatuated with another, they will look for positives to continue pursuit even when it is plainly obvious the other isn't interested. Lack of contact usually gives them time to return to reality. Don't worry about hurting the other person if it's not intentional... there's not a whole lot you can do for someone in that situation other than trying to be as honest as possible. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 what if that doesn't work? some of them don't seem to get it! Everyone is different but most can take a hint. What the guys say and how he carries himself will weigh on how to handle it. If the guy is decent but persistent I think a woman can be firm about not being interested without being harsh. But let's face it that there are some people with serious social disconnects that keep them centered on what they want as if the object of their interest has no boundaries or rights. Such people should be told bluntly that you have no interest nor will you have. After that it's best to ignore the person entirely. If they persist once you have stated your lack of interest and shown that you are going about your business, it may be necessary to say that you consider their interest as offensive or escalate things to legalities as in complaining of harassment and/or stalking. Hopefully it will never have to come to that.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 okay whats the best way to get a guy off your back? with guys that i dont know, its pretty simply, its a straight no, i know its harsh, but i cant afford to go on dates with every guy that asks me. but with guys that i sort of know from previous jobs, school, through friends. i feel terrible. like there was this guy i reconnected with on fb from school. had a little chat about school days. he asked me for my numb i didnt give it him. he kind of got upset. then he kept massaging me, i didnt answer, i really dont want to lead him on, he keeps massaging me. i feel really bad. and it be so awkward if i run into him. i just have no interest in dating right now, actually its been a long time, i just completely lost interest, about two years ago. i feel like im a hopeless romantic, and the world of dating is too much for me to handle. and ive decided to dedicate this summer to my creative work, study, and work. so no going out for me. What do you mean by 'keeps messaging you'? I mean, how often does he really contact you, like a few times a day or once a month? The best way to get an infatuated guy off your back is to meet a hot guy you are actually attracted to, take a whole bunch of pictures of you being all over him, and post them all over your facebook page, including one of the two of you as your main picture. When the undesirable guy checks your page, it'll mess him up good. That'll teach him to fall for women out of his league. Yup. That'll learn him. I, too ... am a hopeless romantic. Wanna go get some coffee?
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