hurting1982 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I'm really not coping well with my break up. My boyfriend who I loved so much split up with me about a month and a half ago and I'm not feeling any better. If anything I'm feeling worse. I've been to the docs and they've put me on anti depressants and beta blockers to stop my panic attacks, but I don't feel right at all. I'm all shaky and haven't even been able to go to work the past couple of days, and now my meds have ran out and I can't get to docs until tomorrow which means even more time off work. I've suffered with depression before but it was never this bad, and my friends Really aren't understanding how I'm feeling. I live on my own too since my ex moved out which really isn't helping matters. Has anyone else felt like this? I really feel like im not strong enough to cope with felling like this this time.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I'm really not coping well with my break up. My boyfriend who I loved so much split up with me about a month and a half ago and I'm not feeling any better. If anything I'm feeling worse. I've been to the docs and they've put me on anti depressants and beta blockers to stop my panic attacks, but I don't feel right at all. I'm all shaky and haven't even been able to go to work the past couple of days, and now my meds have ran out and I can't get to docs until tomorrow which means even more time off work. I've suffered with depression before but it was never this bad, and my friends Really aren't understanding how I'm feeling. I live on my own too since my ex moved out which really isn't helping matters. Has anyone else felt like this? I really feel like im not strong enough to cope with felling like this this time. Hi hurting1982 I have definitely felt the depression that you described. I've never tried medication...although, there has been several times I think I should have. I've missed days at work from feeling so low...experienced stomach pains...having the inability to not think about my ex and what she may be doing. I use to make the mistake of calling her to cry on her shoulder about how bad I felt. So, stupid...but, it's hard to think rationally when you feel as though you're on the brink of losing all control. Then, of course there were the days of not being able to get out of bed. It's amazing that as I read some of these things, I feel embarrassed that I allowed a person, to make me feel this way. Especially someone that was showing such disregard for my feelings. I'm even looking into some of the guides available for codependency now. I am in a better place...but, honestly everyday is still a struggle for me. I shared many years with my ex and then several years chasing, obsessing and being depressed over her. I will check on you later, as I must get ready for work. But, I will tell you this...the person I am describing is not the first that I've felt this way over. And when I look back at those other people that made me cry uncontrollably and miss out on life...I see now that it truly was a waste of time. No-one is worth it! NO-ONE!!!! I can also see them for who they are now and believe me...I am the luckiest person in the world to have escaped being in a committed relationship with any of them. Trust me...if I thought they hurt me by leaving, I can't imagine how much strife I would have had to deal with if they stayed!!! 1
Author hurting1982 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 This sounds just like me. I've met him a couple of times and asked him for help a couple of times too just so we can talk over stuff. He's not a bad guy n we have both said that as it wasn't a messy break up in time we will hopefully be friends as we have no reason to fall out. I just feel that at the moment he is the only one who can make me feel better, and I don't mean that in a way of getting back together with him, I just mean I miss him as a person and having him there to talk to. He'd become a closer friend to me than any of my friends and that is what I miss.
Author hurting1982 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 I also keep punishing myself because my last relationship before this one was for 10 years. I really messed that up by taking him for granted. They say you learn from your mistakes but I didn't...I did exactly the same thing in this relationship and it's killing me to think that I've done the sane thing yet again, only with this one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him
Jose11 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Hurting1982- it does hurt and although I have had to get antidepressant, I did think about it. I am in the same boat as you. Not only did i lose my gf, i lost my best friend. Ive had the sleepness nights. But they do get better. I still have my bad ones, but im having more good than bad nowadays. What you should think about are good things you can do for yourself. I've read that in this post breakup time you should do three new things/hobbies to keep you busy and motivated. I joined a dance class, its pretty good. I've met a lot of new people, and although I am not looking to date anytime soon, it's nice knowing there are more people in the world than you knew of. I also started taking guitar lessons, something I always wanted to learn how to do but never got around to learning. And lastly I joined a gym. This is by far the best thing I did for myself. If you think about it, working out helps absolutely no one. Ur yourself. And knowing that i am doing things for myself and no one else, makes me feel a lot better. Perhaps you should consider talking to a professional. It helped my sister with her breakup.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I also keep punishing myself because my last relationship before this one was for 10 years. I really messed that up by taking him for granted. They say you learn from your mistakes but I didn't...I did exactly the same thing in this relationship and it's killing me to think that I've done the sane thing yet again, only with this one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him Hmm...in what way were you taking him for granted (in your opinion). Was the relationship not reciprocal?
barese1 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hey hurting - I thin the truth is many people get over a breakup with a bit of the blues but moset people that post on here are in a similar situation. We are prone to depression and anxiety and the end of a break up sparks it off. Hell that's exactly how it is with me, plus I'm a psychology postgrad so know the underlying prinicples behind it all. First thing, yes speaking to the ex makes you feel better....short term. ts like a drug, a heroin addict will feel better after his fix but in the long run it makes it worse and they will never get off the drug if they keep taking some. Yoru ex is like this. I know this better than most and am trying to wean myself off my 'drug' now although calling her would make me feel so much better. Have you taken anti depressants before? They do take some time to kick in (usually about 2 weeks) and up until that point they often make you feel worse. The only way to fight depression is to treat it as a battle. Time will help, but its what you do with that time that matters. As much as you do not feel like it you MUST try and eat, exercise, speak with friends (not about your ex) and stay in the moment. Maybe reading up on minfullness would help, or even better MCBT, minfullness encorporated with CBT. This can change how you think about the sistuation which in turn will hopefully change how you feel. Remember in the past there were good times, there were bad times but these all changed. That is what will happen now, eventually you will feel differently but this road is a horrible one, and many friends will not understand it. We do! 2
roughboys30 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm really not coping well with my break up. My boyfriend who I loved so much split up with me about a month and a half ago and I'm not feeling any better. If anything I'm feeling worse. I've been to the docs and they've put me on anti depressants and beta blockers to stop my panic attacks, but I don't feel right at all. I'm all shaky and haven't even been able to go to work the past couple of days, and now my meds have ran out and I can't get to docs until tomorrow which means even more time off work. I've suffered with depression before but it was never this bad, and my friends Really aren't understanding how I'm feeling. I live on my own too since my ex moved out which really isn't helping matters. Has anyone else felt like this? I really feel like im not strong enough to cope with felling like this this time. I can sympathize with what you're going through....I had a period of panic attacks from March to May of this past year. First time I've ever had attacks like that in my life, I thought I was having a heart attack the first time I experienced it. For what it's worth, my story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/329555-ok-i-guess-its-time-post-here I'm coping the best that I can, I've reached a point of acceptance but I still have my bad days like anybody else. I still miss her a lot sometimes but I'm just taking it day by day. It does get better, sometimes it's a slow process but it does slowly get better as the days go by. I wish you luck and I hope you get better from this
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I can sympathize with what you're going through....I had a period of panic attacks from March to May of this past year. First time I've ever had attacks like that in my life, I thought I was having a heart attack the first time I experienced it. For what it's worth, my story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/329555-ok-i-guess-its-time-post-here Roughboys30, I read your story and I think it's cool that you were able to get some information as to what issues your ex had with your relationship. I also think it's mature and honorable of you to accept what she wrote and even go as far as trying to correct them (better yourself). I asked my ex a hundred times why she did not want to work on our relationship and unfortunately, she is one of the worst communicators I have ever met (which she has also said, herself). So, between dishonesty, poor communication skills and a mean streak...I was completely out of luck in trying to come to a peaceful understanding of our situation from her point of view. I like how you plan to pay her back the money she contributed for your brother's loan. I just wonder if you're doing it as gesture to show her that you have changed and that you want her back, or just because you want to do the right thing? Let me know how this turns out.
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Just wanted to say that I have been where you are. My story is absolutely horrible - not only did I get my heart broken and have him leave me, but I found out painfully that my bf was seeing my best friend for months and months and they both hid it from me. Do you know how devastating that was to me? Not only did I have to struggle with the heartbreak and loss, but I had to deal with the betrayal of a friend (we were friends for 14 years). Just imagine, how it made me feel sleeping in my bed alone knowing that my ex is sleeping in the bed of my x-best friend? (They moved in together). We had broken up in the summer 2011 but I was trying to fix things.....but my ex was done and I noticed he was getting a lot of support from my so called friend. They hung out all over the place , partied, all over facebook , etc....while I was at home crying my eyes out. I asked my friend what was going on and my friend replied that "We are just friends and im just supporting him" . I believed my friend.. and when I would go to my friends place and he would HIDE my bf's clothes so that I wouldn't see that he moved in (yes my ex moved into my friends place in the summer) and they both hid it from me. So i would go over to my friends place like a fool, not knowing that my ex's clothes was hidding in the closet. Anyway, I won't delve further - but ill never forget that night when they both told me the truth. What hurts is that I had my suspisions, but my friend assured me - "its nothing". Ulitimate betrayal and deception. But I wanted to tell you this to show you that while it destroyed me, and while I went into depression - I came out of it recently (took a few months) and now i am stronger than ever. I have no desire for my ex anymore. In fact, if I see him, i would actually have a convorsation with him, b/c he cant hurt me. You will be fine. YOu will see in time, weather you like it or not, he will soon begin to turn you off automatically just based on his behaviour towards you (right now you are not seeing it, as i didnt) - but as weeks and months past, your mind will change and you'll soon become disgusted by him - literally for making your life hell. Thats the point I'm at now. Hang in there. If I can get over my tragedy - you can. .....oh and if you're wondering...I cut that x friend off the moment I found out - I will never have anything to do with him anymore. I blame my friend more than my ex, b/c an ex has no obligation to you after you break up......they have no more rules or boundaries etc. But a FRIEND has an obligation to support you and be there for you - not sleep with your xbf while you are crying to them every night for support. Hang in there.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hey gbadboy...I read your story. It definitely gives me hope that I will get past all that's happened b/t my ex and I. What your friend did seems very selfish. I remember liking someone so much, that I didn't care who I ended up hurting. I was an inexperienced teenager then. All I could see were my own wants and needs. Now that I have suffered through heartbreak and depression over break-ups, I couldn't imagine stepping on people to satisfy my own desires. I'm not judging your friend or your ex at all...but, I did feel extremely sad when I read what they did. I guess it's true what they say, we are given only what we can handle. Because I don't know how I would have survived such a blow. I just want to let you know how inspiring your ability to cope is to me.
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hey "tryingtodiscoveranew" Thanks for those words. I found out what they both did to me in Dec 2011 - a few days before my birthday also. New Years Eve was tough b/c I know they were together that night. Today is June and I am much more stronger. I haven't seen or spooken to any of them since but I know one day I will see them because the g** community here is very small, so you're bound to bump into someone at a bar and a club. I have avoided bars/clubs since December and haven't been since b/c I was afraid of running into them and seeing them all over each other. Believe me its hard. But I am much more stronger today and I think if and when I do see them, I would just keep my distance. It wouldn't hurt me as much. IN fact, a few months ago I couldn't even write about what they did to me on this forum, it was too tough to write the words. Now I can. You said some brilliant things in your original post. In retrospect, as odd as this sounds Im actually HAPPY they did this to me. Im happy they betrayed me because it makes me see what kind of person they truly are....and now I have no reason to ever include them in my lives again. They have guilt - I know they do........(well i dont know if they do, but i assume they must have some guilt). What I am most proud of, is that I held my head up high and dealt with this. When I found out what happend, my first reaction was to drive down to my friends place and knock him out...... BUT all I did was say "thank you for telling me this.take care of yourself - good bye" and HUNG UP. Changed my number and moved on. I acted with class. I didnt seek revenge, nor would I. No one can say I did them any wrong. And its because I held my head up high that will make them feel more guilty. The only regret I have out of this is I have major major issues of trust now........ when you are lied to constantly by your bf and by your best friend it affects you... and it has affected a recent person I began talking to. I tend to flip out on him and accuse him of stuff - and I know it all stems from what my ex and & ex friend did to me. Oh well.....
mike588 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Like gbadboy said I also was betrayed by an old friend from many years ago. We reconnected and hit it off but she still had feelings for her ex...a huge red flag i ignored. We dated for about a year the out of the blue she dumps me for him 2 weeks after I was there for her for some surgery she had. I was devestated....shattered and drank myself silly just to sleep....couldn't think...couldn't eat etc. etc. That was 10 months ago now and I'm over it...over her and the cruel way she ended "us". I've moved on and am happy now and I understand what your going thru and the pain your feeling. Even though at this minute your going thru hell I promise you it does get better....sadly you'll have to go thru the emotions.....all the up and downs....the good days...the bad days as you work thru this....you WILL get thru this... you really will! This is all a growing and learning experience and you'll come out in the long run a much stronger!
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 gbadboy...I absolutely know what you mean about running into them. I actually did the same as far as not going out much (to certain places) in fear that I would see my ex. Until recently, I had the unfortunate pleasure of running into her last weekend at a bar, of course.lol I noticed her car right away (as I am always keeping an eye out for it, due to not being able to just forget about her). Anyways, as soon as I see the car I start frantically looking everywhere in order to see her first. I didn't want to be caught off guard. Finally, I spot her sitting with a group of people. I ran right up to her, tapped her on the arm and said, "HEY!" as enthusiastically as I could. She was completely caught off guard and appeared to be excited to see me. I quickly introduced my friends and started to walk away, only for her to yell out "call me". I kinda gave her this little, yep/no...head shake.lol Anyways, for the next hour she was behind me, watching (I'm sure) as I was having a great time mingling like crazy. I knew I appeared to be having fun. But, inside I was dying! I hate that she affects me this way. I was suppose to be out meeting new people and possibly a new girl to at least spend time with. But, instead my mind was preoccupied on her. I think we all have this desire to see someone that hurt us, not doing so well and not looking amazing. This is going to sound extremely egotistical, but I honestly believe if I had run into her and she looked butt ugly and gained all kinds of weight...I would have felt 100 times better. But, instead it was the complete opposite. She looked better than ever and all I could do was be sad, angry and drool at the same time (without showing it of course). This is what gets me into trouble. I can completely see a person for who they are and know that I'm better off without them, but if they look great and appear to be doing well, I always fear that I made a mistake!
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Very inspiring Mike. While I'm much stronger, I'm still not 100% yet.. more like 87%. One day I will cross paths with my ex and my ex friend......I know I will b/c the gay community here is small, so you're bound to see each other at the bar and clubs. Not to say I frequent those place - I dont..........in fact I havent been since December out of fear id bump into them.....but at the same time, i shouldn't have to hide and now that im stronger, why should I hold back while everyone else gets to go out and have fun? No way. I actually relish the day I see them - I will completely ignore them.
mike588 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Very inspiring Mike. While I'm much stronger, I'm still not 100% yet.. more like 87%. One day I will cross paths with my ex and my ex friend......I know I will b/c the gay community here is small, so you're bound to see each other at the bar and clubs. Not to say I frequent those place - I dont..........in fact I havent been since December out of fear id bump into them.....but at the same time, i shouldn't have to hide and now that im stronger, why should I hold back while everyone else gets to go out and have fun? No way. I actually relish the day I see them - I will completely ignore them. I haven't ran into her since the b/u but feel ready to now if it ever happens and sometimes I wish I would. Months ago I dreaded it...wasn't sure how I'd act and if I would have ran into her it would of ruined my day and set me back. Now i'd just ignore her and laugh.
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hey Trying..... Wow, you handled seeing your ex well. Do you accidentally see her often? It was good you went up to her and said hi but then moved away and did your own thing with your people. Had you completely ignored her - everyone would think you are still bitter. Its ok to feel bitter inside JUST DONT let her SEE IT! Whatever goes on in ur mind she doesnt need to know about it. What's important is to give her the perception that life is good. And trust me, the more you show her you are PERFECT, the more she will desire you. Our ex's want to see us miserable, gain weight and look horrible. They want to be able to say "wow look how he/she looks after i broke up with him/her!". dont ever give them that satisfaction. You said she looks smoking hot. Im sure she does. What about you? Do you take care of yourself? Make sure you and and return the favour back to you - let her lust after you and make her drool - but make sure she "looks but doesn't touch!" And you are right. A huge part of me wants to see my ex in HORRIBLE shape ...but you know what? Even if he looks smoking hot, it wont matter a thing to me because I am turned off by him completely because of what he did to me... Not only did he cheat on me with my friend, but he cheated on me several times with other guys (I found this out later) - he is a player - big time and I was stupid to fall for it. I can bet you your ex is still a decent person. My ex did a lot of wrong, for example, while he was sleeping with my friend behind my back, I was supporting him financially - I buy him gifts, give him money to pay his bills..etc. etc. Just horrible things. He used me on top of everything he did. ...but.......nonetheless, when I do see him, I wouldn't approach him b/c he doesn't deserve that. Should he approach me though, i will be civil and polite.
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Mike, So you would ignore her if you saw her eh? What if she approaches you and speaks to you? How will you react? It took me a while to learn this but , dignity is priceless - sometimes when you be the bigger man and hold your head up high, it will HIT your ex more than if you were to tell them off. Ironically, being nice to them rather than telling them off (should you happen to see them) is more destructive to them! Why? B/c when you are nice to them, it messes their head up. It makes them say to themselves "gee, I guess he/she is over me !?" ...but if you tell them off , they will say "ohhh looks like he/she is not over me..I guess I still have an effect on them - yay for me" That being said, dont go out of your way to approach her if she did you wrong.. Let her approach you - and if she does, be cool. If she doesn;'t approach you - ignore!
mike588 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Mike, So you would ignore her if you saw her eh? What if she approaches you and speaks to you? How will you react? It took me a while to learn this but , dignity is priceless - sometimes when you be the bigger man and hold your head up high, it will HIT your ex more than if you were to tell them off. Ironically, being nice to them rather than telling them off (should you happen to see them) is more destructive to them! Why? B/c when you are nice to them, it messes their head up. It makes them say to themselves "gee, I guess he/she is over me !?" ...but if you tell them off , they will say "ohhh looks like he/she is not over me..I guess I still have an effect on them - yay for me" That being said, dont go out of your way to approach her if she did you wrong.. Let her approach you - and if she does, be cool. If she doesn;'t approach you - ignore! If we were to see each other she would probably not approach me because of the guilt she would feel/is feeling. She emailed me several times 6 months after she dumped me saying how horrible she felt for hurting me....how sorry she was and she regrets it. It's best I/we don't see each other...I rarely think about her anymore and don't care to...Yep I'll just ignore!
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Ha! The mere fact she is emailing you shows that she is losing power , and slowly you are regaining it. I hope you dont reply to them. Everyone's situation is different, but if she truly did you wrong - she doesn't deserve your time. Its tough at first b/c you have feelings for them, but as time goes on - the hurt they caused you begins to over power the love you had for them....... and then one day you wake up and couldn't care less for them. Inspiring story- good to hear.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hey Trying..... Wow, you handled seeing your ex well. Do you accidentally see her often? It was good you went up to her and said hi but then moved away and did your own thing with your people. Had you completely ignored her - everyone would think you are still bitter. Its ok to feel bitter inside JUST DONT let her SEE IT! Whatever goes on in ur mind she doesnt need to know about it. What's important is to give her the perception that life is good. And trust me, the more you show her you are PERFECT, the more she will desire you. Our ex's want to see us miserable, gain weight and look horrible. They want to be able to say "wow look how he/she looks after i broke up with him/her!". dont ever give them that satisfaction. You said she looks smoking hot. Im sure she does. What about you? Do you take care of yourself? Make sure you and and return the favour back to you - let her lust after you and make her drool - but make sure she "looks but doesn't touch!" "gbadboy" thanks for the additional inspiration. I was told by many people that day, how great I look! So, to answer your question, I have been holding it together...actually thinking about taking it a step further, but treating myself to some type of image upgrade...if you will!lol Just want to start taking more pride in my appearance, at the same time that I am trying to heal the inside. I'm not into tattoos and piercings for myself, but i would love to do something daring/unique to express this growth I'm going through. Hmmm...I'll have to give that some thought. Btw, because I'm the nice person. I did text a couple days later (since she asked me to call). She basically wanted to say "hello" and invite me to a family get together, which I graciously declined, but told her to let the fam know I am here anytime they need me. The only mistake I believe I made was telling her that I did not want come, because I've been trying to respect her choice (in bailing on me). After that comment, she did not respond. Truthfully, I would have liked to have said, why would I want to be around someone that couldn't tell the truth if her life depended on it, or my favorite line would have been...I probably shouldn't hang out with the woman the smashed my heart...that would make me a masochist, I believe! After reading your response, I suppose non of these are good to say, or text. It just lets her know that I'm still pining. Which I always thought made her feel bad, but it may just be giving her ammo. I also hope you are taking care of yourself and getting ready to make your big appearance, once you step out on the scene again!
gbadboy Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Hey man, You did the right thing by not attending. And your response was mature. Of course we all want to say "No. i cant go to dinner with you? Why you say? Oh b/c you ripped my heart out and stompped all over it - remember?" ...we all want to say that...but we shouldn't. She's obviously extending the olive branch of peace to you.....weather that means she wants to reconcile or not , I wouldn't know. Only you would know if her intentions are for friendship or more. That being said - if you still have feelings for her, then having NC with her (No Contact) is the way to go UNTIL all your feelings vanish (that takes time) - once its vanished, you can then have a friendship with her. Until then, avoid her if its killing you inside when you are with her. Sure it may hurt her, but remember, she is the one that walked away - therefore she needs to see what its like to not have you around. I am over my ex, I have not an ounce of feelings for him. I'll date an animal before I date him again. I swear!! The difference with me though is now that I' m over my ex, I still wouldn't want to be friends because he cheated on me several times and used me - so he doesn't deserve my friendship. In your case, if your gf broke up with you just because it wasn't working or she fell out of love - well as hurtful as those things are, they are not "evil". Evil would be that she "used you" or "cheated on you" or "was abusive" - those things are unforgiveable most of the time. As for if I take care of myself - yea I do. I'm a good looking guy lol - I have no issues there...lol.... I can meet guys easily - but I choose not to. I have been in hibernation these past few months but im slowly ready to go back into it.... I was talking to someone recently but that in itself is falling apart (thats another story).
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 In your case, if your gf broke up with you just because it wasn't working or she fell out of love - well as hurtful as those things are, they are not "evil". Evil would be that she "used you" or "cheated on you" or "was abusive" - those things are unforgiveable most of the time. gbadboy I read your latest response a couple times to decide whether or not my ex girl did something "evil". I left this detail out earlier. But, she was my first g** relationship and I believe I was her first everything (relationship, love, etc., etc.). So, in the beginning things were extremely intense (to the point of being frightening). It all began to move really fast. So, in a panic and not being completely comfortable in a g** relationship, I broke up with her on more than one occasion. Since, I could not stand to see her in pain, I always came running back. I also think I was nervous about her finding someone else (which may have been selfish on my part). Needless to say, after awhile she finally stopped taking me back. So, we lived in the gray area for few years (not being an item, but still doing relationship things from time to time). I hesitate to say friends with benefits, because I did want it to turn into more. Anyways, she knew how much it was killing me to not be with her completely. She also knew how much I needed her. So, it seemed as though the more I needed her, the less she was there for me (seemingly intentional). She became very dishonest about everything, including dating other people, etc. I always told her everything (which may have been a mistake on my part). Anyways, the more I discovered that was happening behind my back, the more depressed, anxious, and obsessed I became with trying to get her back. I thought maybe I was a fool for breaking up with her and not being able to stick it out in the beginning. Seeing her date guys and girls, made me feel like I was missing out on this wonderful person that everyone seem to be infatuated with. I tried NC for a couple years, but stupid me...I still checked out her FB page and talked about her continuously to friends and family. Never truly letting go. The pain was awful! It just seemed like she was doing great while I was wallowing in misery. Finally, we met up and talked about things and actually ended up dating again. She told me she was sorry for the pain she caused and did not want to hurt me ever again. Things were ok for a few weeks (although, I still felt angry inside...remembering all the lies and distance she put between us). But, I tried anyway and man did I give it my all! I felt extremely foolish while I was dating her again, but I could not help myself. Everything inside of me was saying, "she's going to rip your heart to shreds"! This is the same woman that told me she didn't think she could ever be in love with ANYONE, right after I poured my heart. Then to find out years later that she "fell in love" w/ someone else for awhile, and now claims she is still "in love" with me...ugh. Fast-forward...only few weeks into us dating, she decides she isn't ready to be with me and doesn't know if she ever will be days after us "getting really close". Claiming that she is confused about things. I could not accept that answer...it was too vague and general. So, after asking for more info. She told me that she dumped me, before I could dump her...
gbadboy Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Hey Trying, Clearly you need to cut your ex off for good. In your post, you said you tried NC for a couple of years but checked out her FB page. Which means you weren't trying NC after all! Even when you check her FB page, you are making "contact" and thus breaking NC. And you said it yourself, checking her page caused you awful pain. Thats why you should not check her page out! She seems to be going back and forth with you. You cannot have her in your life because she will keeping wanting you then dropping you, then wanting you then dropping you.........and if you let her do this, time will pass, you'll get older and then realize you wasted so many years. Cut her off completely ONLY IF you want a peaceful life. Sure it will hurt you,but that type of hurt fades away in time as long as you MAINTAIN NC. However, if u keep her in your life, you still won't have her and you'll be hurting - but THAT HURT stays forever b/c she's always there in your life to remind you of the pain. I speak from experience. I cut people off who were driving me crazy and it was tough but months later i am SO HAPPY i did it. Im almost strong enough to get back out there........soon soon. Wishing you all the best.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 12, 2012 Posted June 12, 2012 Hey Trying, Clearly you need to cut your ex off for good. In your post, you said you tried NC for a couple of years but checked out her FB page. Which means you weren't trying NC after all! Even when you check her FB page, you are making "contact" and thus breaking NC. And you said it yourself, checking her page caused you awful pain. Thats why you should not check her page out! She seems to be going back and forth with you. You cannot have her in your life because she will keeping wanting you then dropping you, then wanting you then dropping you.........and if you let her do this, time will pass, you'll get older and then realize you wasted so many years. Cut her off completely ONLY IF you want a peaceful life. Sure it will hurt you,but that type of hurt fades away in time as long as you MAINTAIN NC. However, if u keep her in your life, you still won't have her and you'll be hurting - but THAT HURT stays forever b/c she's always there in your life to remind you of the pain. I speak from experience. I cut people off who were driving me crazy and it was tough but months later i am SO HAPPY i did it. Im almost strong enough to get back out there........soon soon. Wishing you all the best. gbadboy I just wanted to return to this thread to thank you for this advice. It's the most honest, straight-forward answer that anyone has ever given me on this situation...
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