USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 So as many of you know, I went on a cruise on my own a couple of weeks ago, and it was a great time. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about socialness in general. Luckily, I took notes every night with the intent of reporting back to you fine folks of LS. I'll start with a summary and my major takeaways and lessons learned from the trip and then go into a day-by-day account. Then I'll end with some questions I have. It's gonna be a long one... Summary: The cruise was a great time and did wonders to improve my comfort in social situations. However, I felt that seven days was a little bit too long for a solo cruise, even on a giant ship. Nevertheless, I would strongly recommend a solo cruise to anyone, male or female, who wants to break out of their social shell and become more "confident" around people. People were surprisingly open to meeting me and welcoming me into their group. By the end of the week, I knew a majority of folks on the ship. However, something happened which I would have never imagined. I became friends with too many people on the ship. I literally spread myself too thin and wasn't really able to get to know any one group of people very well. I also felt like a flake when one group would invite me to do something and I already had plans to do something with another, or I'd meet an entirely new group en route and go do something with them instead. Eventually, cliques formed and I found myself caught in between them, leading to some awkwardness. By the end of the cruise, I was socially exhausted. Lessons Learned: Talk with everyone. That includes young people, old people, attractive people, ugly people, guys, girls, everyone. The more you do it, the more you realize that people are just that: people. And you'll soon realize that the smokin' hot girl you were once nervous just looking at is a person just like you and I who has her own story to tell, and more likely than not, wants to tell it to someone. And she'll probably be interested in hearing your story. When you understand this basic social principle, approaching women won't feel like "flirting" and hoping she likes it, but about hearing her story and telling her yours. It'll be as natural as talking to the cute old couple who had been married for 40 years.Become friends with as many guys as possible. I can't stress this enough. When the guys see you as a fun person to hang out with, they will want you around all the time. I can count probably 4 or 5 separate groups of guys who I met that totally welcomed me into their group. It's unbelievable how important this is: (1) Guys in a group will naturally attract women...it pays to be in that group; (2) if guys like you, they will talk you up to the women they meet...I can't believe how often this happened...; (3) when people see you saying hey and high fiving a group of people every 50 feet, they will think you are a likeable person; and (4) there's nothing like having a good time with a good group of bros.Make every effort possible to reconnect with people you meet. When you meet people for the first time, try your best to follow up with them or find some way to reconnect with them. It's that second, third, etc. time that creates the friendships or possibly more.Be an attention whore. I realized I am a huge attention whore in that I like being seen doing crazy and fun things. I love doing those game shows and contests on the ship with all eyes watching, and I will pretty much doing anything on the stage. I'm honestly not sure why...but people always seemed to know who I was...that being said, don't be afraid to make yourself known...just have fun.Story Time: Day 1: The first day was relatively quiet and uneventful. I was still breaking out of my social shell, and it was a gradual process. The key for today was that you need to make eye contact with people. Don't walk around staring at the ground. Don't look away from them. Just make eye contact, smile, and say hi how's it going. You'll be surprised how many people smile and say hi back. And this is especially important if you tend to see the same people more than once, as it builds familiarity. Takeaways: (a) Alcohol doesn't hurt; (b) old people seem to think I'm incredibly cute; © you shouldn't give a sh*t what people think of you on the dance floor...that being said, a little humor can be appealing.Day 2: Today I met my first group of dude friends. I was at karoake by myself and after singing a song, they thought I was awesome and voila, I was in. However, I was incredibly pissed for a while that night because it was formal night, and I decided not to bring my dress uniform. This is the single biggest regret I have from the cruise. I think it's kinda tacky, but I will never not bring it on a cruise again. Especially being on my own, it would have been the perfect way to get some attention and meet folks. And who doesn't like drinking for free all night... At least I had a sweet suit. Takeaways: (a) Gay guys think I'm cute; (b) Make sure you reconnect with people that you've met...people will definitely remember you after the second time. And try to remember names, people appreciate that.Day 3: There is nothing significant to report for today. I spent most of the day on my own, but I did meet some more folks.Day 4: This was Cabo San Lucas, Day 2, and my first real day of getting completely hammered and silly. I met a group on the tender ride from the ship to shore, and so I spent the day with them. I also met a group of three girls while I was in Cabo, who approached me after an extremely embarrassing moment, and I ended up hanging out with them most of that night. I was interested in one of them, but I quickly found out they were all in relationships. I still hung out with them. Takeaways: (a) Don't be afraid to ask if you can invite yourself, especially if you're on your own. Perhaps this is a product of the cruise environment, but I don't see why it wouldn't apply generally. At this point, everyone I had talked to commended me for going on the cruise solo and was very welcoming. (b) Girls in relationships are strangely comfortable with me...Day 5: This was the low point of the trip. I was finally getting tired of the cruise and the clubbing every night. For the first time, I started feeling like an outsider of every group because I didn't commit to one. I'm starting to get feelings of inadequacy and insecurity because I wasn't "tall and white" like some of the other guys whom the girls were draping themselves over. I also realized that I'd rather be on the cruise with someone special to me rather than on my own, and it sort of affirmed my mentality that favors relationships rather than the casual. I also observed how desperation and clinginess are almost "rewarded." I saw guys following girls like lap dogs, and the girls were eating it up. Are they just craving the attention? I just could never bring myself to do this.Day 6: Today I realized who the quality folks were and solidified my friendships with them, while I abandoned my friendships with the lesser quality folks. Things got better, and I stopped feeling sorry for myself.Day 7: Nothing of note. However, I have affirmed the existence of the "Cheerleader Effect," first revealed by Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother. It basically states that the individual women in a seemingly attractive group of women aren't all that attractive on their own. And the group I met on Day 4 were a perfect example of that... And then I realized that there really weren't any groups of super attractive women. The really pretty ones were already coupled up... It seemed like the "cheerleader groups" were using the fact they were grouped to take advantage of male attention. I honestly don't think they would have had a fighting chance on their own.Questions: In regard to the cheerleader effect, do women ever feel comfortable enough to be social outside of a group? Do they "hide" in numbers?Why am I not as appealing as the constantly drunk guys hounding all over the equally drunk women?Should I be showing women more "interest" than I do now? Why don't women see me like they see the dudes following them around like puppy dogs? Do I need to put more effort in? Does alcohol play a factor in all of this?Why am I such an attention whore...?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 You seem to have a very analytical approach to this. You need to stop trying to rank people according to their "quality level", stop worrying about the "cheerleader effect" and just relax and try to have a good time.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I stopped reading right when you started a list. I think its great you went on a cruise but you kind of took it to an extreme by analyizing every little detail. Sometimes being social means spontaneity. Its only the next day when you're hungover that you start regretting.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 You seem to have a very analytical approach to this. You need to stop trying to rank people according to their "quality level", stop worrying about the "cheerleader effect" and just relax and try to have a good time. It's called a people picker...people should start using theirs... And I had a great time. "analysis" happened after the fact...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 I stopped reading right when you started a list. I think its great you went on a cruise but you kind of took it to an extreme by analyizing every little detail. Sometimes being social means spontaneity. Its only the next day when you're hungover that you start regretting. This was an "after" action, not during action...
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 This was an "after" action, not during action... so there was action during ? Good on you for taking steps to get yourself out of your shell... this is life.. welcome
Author USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 so there was action during ? Good on you for taking steps to get yourself out of your shell... this is life.. welcome Hahah, no action during. Thanks. This was really meant as a few tidbits of social advice for people. The whole social aspect is a lot easier than people make it out to be...
Emilia Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Questions: In regard to the cheerleader effect, do women ever feel comfortable enough to be social outside of a group? Do they "hide" in numbers? Yes some of us are. I travel on my own all the time and go to social events on my own. That's partly because I enjoy meeting new people, it is a better way to meet men and I get bored of having the same people around me all the time as well. Why am I not as appealing as the constantly drunk guys hounding all over the equally drunk women? Louder people can come across more 'appealing' while in fact they are just better at giving and receiving attention. They are more noticeable and probably approachable I suppose. I think 'approachable' is the key word here. Should I be showing women more "interest" than I do now? Why don't women see me like they see the dudes following them around like puppy dogs? Do I need to put more effort in? Does alcohol play a factor in all of this? I get the impression from your posts that you should talk to women more yes. Even those you are not interested in romantically like that group of girls. Being sociable in general is the best way to meet someone great. Why am I such an attention whore...? Probably bored I'm guessing
Emilia Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Thanks. This was really meant as a few tidbits of social advice for people. The whole social aspect is a lot easier than people make it out to be... It's a warped environment, people are on holiday, they are there to socialise and to be a bit different from their usual self. Some are there to get laid. You are right when you say you can just crash parties without worrying that you aren't wanted. Different rules apply than they would do in city life.
Recommended Posts