fificremefarben Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 My story -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/304090-my-breakup-story-tell-me-what-you-think It's been 10 months now since my breakup with my ex of 4 years and, in that time, I've found that I've really not been attracted to any other guys in that time. I've also definitely steered clear of rebounding in the immediate aftermath. I was out at the weekend, and I met this guy at a bar. He went to school with the friend I was with so he stayed to talk to us. We were talking for a few hours and he came back to my friend's place with us so that we could open a bottle of wine. We were flirting and stuff and I was surprised to find that I was actually pretty into him (though, I'm sure the wine helped). We were getting along really well and had a lot in common. So, that night, I ended up hooking up with him (not fully. We didn't sleep together, but went further than you would normally go). He asked for my number, which I gave him. I wasn't fussed about him calling because I was just so happy that I'd gotten my "mojo" back and that my ex was no longer the last guy who had touched me. I thought it was just what I needed. I didn't think I cared whether or not he would actually call but, now that it's four days later and he hasn't called, I'm finding myself wanting him to call and wondering why he hasn't. I know WHY he hasn't called me- because it was a "hookup"- but I'm worried about how horrible it's made me feel about myself now. I've never done anything like that so it's all new. Whilst we were talking, we both admitted it had been a while for both of us, so I don't think he thinks I'm that kind of girl, but it's done nothing for my confidence that he hasn't called. Does this mean I'm still not ready to be getting back out there, if I've reacted like this? I've been out of the dating game for so long that I don't know what anything means. Any insight?
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I think it was an unexpected shock to the system, without the assistance of wine I'm not sure IF your actions would have been the same but you should have figured when you go back to a house to have a bottle of wine there's always a possibility so I'm not sure If you're just in denial there. I think it's something you both got yourselves into as it was in the moment and you were buzzed, so everything felt like just a good time. I think when he had to time to think about it and the sun came up the next day and wasn't in lala land anymore he started to try and remember exactly what happened and how interested he really is...maybe he's got someone else on the line, dating, or a girlfriend and now he's got to get back to reality. You already know the bottom line though, the reason isn't important, If he was interested in more it would have been followed up with. I think you should just take it in stride, you've been shutdown for a while and It seems it might have sparked some over anxious and ambitious emotions inside of you, maybe you think there was a real opportunity with this guy and he appeared to really like you...but you've got to take it for what it was. I think it's best you take baby steps and get yourself In the right mentality first and emotionally prepare yourself, I didn't read your last post but I can pretty much guarantee you're still not over it from how you are handling and reacting to this and more vulnerable than you think...I think you're very susceptible from falling into a dysfunctional situation if this is how you compose yourself, your emotions seem to be on high alert and the fact that you feel "awful" is questionable, but maybe be due to lack of experience...maybe you're the type that can't see yourself with anyone else but your ex and think he should have been the one and only and all that jazz...just guessing at that without reading further.
ASG Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 While I agree with everything Ninja has said, I will ask this: did you get his number back? Or was it a case of him just taking your number and not giving his? Because if you have his number and you want to make sure (and you're interested in seeing the guy again), you can always try calling or texting and see what happens! Sometimes you do need to make the first move. The other day I too went out and ended up hooking up with a guy in our group. We had a great time and swapped numbers and it was kind of implied that he would text/call me a couple of days later. He didn't, and even though I wasn't TOO fussed about it, I was a bit ticked by it... So a couple of days after that I texted him. He replied straight away and now we're making plans to go on a date. Obviously none of this is valid if he didn't give you his number. If that is the case you just need to compose yourself and move on and hopefully never find yourself in this kind of situation again! 1
thatone Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 it doesn't mean anything. that guy might be your future husband. you might never speak to him again. there's no way to know. you didn't do anything wrong, there's nothing you can change to make it go any differently. 1
dasein Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Agree with thatone, it's natural to have such feelings when you have been off the market for a long time. As you acknowledged, you got your mojo back and were comfortable in letting another man touch you, so dwell on the positive of it. In many such situations, I haven't called for four days, so there's a good chance you will hear from him again, and if not? his loss. 1
Author fificremefarben Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Thanks guys, your responses have been really helpful. One question (feel free to tell me if I'm crazy). He gave me his phone and asked me to put my number in. There had been quite a bit of wine at this point...so what if I didn't write my number down right. I know I have nothing to lose with this guy. Should I send him a facebook message? I'm really keen for him to know that what happened is not the kind of thing I normally do (I think it's because I'm a teacher, I feel the need for people to know I'm "respectable" haha :S) . Should I take the risk, knowing there's nothing to lose. Damn being in a long-term relationship before this. I feel like I'm just starting out in the dating game at 24 and I'm such a newb.
mitchell Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 How intimate were you? If you were just kissing, I wouldn't bother calling if he didn't call you. If you gave him a BJ or he went down on you, heck, I'd give him a call. I'd want some closure. Maybe he lost your number, or perhaps he's just not interested.
Scottdmw Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Doing anything physical past kissing with a person has a tendency to create strong emotional bonds, it's always a risk you take. I think it's important to keep in mind that not all people are the same in how they react to things, and even the same person may react differently. Just because other people have ONSs or you have in the past doesn't mean it won't hit you harder the next time. It's a natural reaction and one of the reasons I try to take things slow. Scott
Author fificremefarben Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 How intimate were you? If you were just kissing, I wouldn't bother calling if he didn't call you. If you gave him a BJ or he went down on you, heck, I'd give him a call. I'd want some closure. Maybe he lost your number, or perhaps he's just not interested. We made out, with upper and lower body fondling. That's as far as it went. Yuck, I feel cheap even saying that. Definitely a first for me. Should I facebook? It's been too long right? Time to forget?
mortensorchid Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Honestly, it's not a big deal. Did he say he would contact you again? If so then the ball is in his court. Did he say "call me on (date)?" or something like that? I have no idea what else exchanged after the act was completed.
Author fificremefarben Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Honestly, it's not a big deal. Did he say he would contact you again? If so then the ball is in his court. Did he say "call me on (date)?" or something like that? I have no idea what else exchanged after the act was completed. Well, I mentioned breathily at one point (mid-hookup) "you should definitely text me" and he said "Oh I will".
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