I believe my boyfriend is interested in his recent ex-girlfriend.

[whatsis]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Our relationship is pretty solid. We've only been in one fight that was major earlier this year. My bosses are very close with my boyfriend. They've known him since he was a teenager. He got me a job working with them. They told me something while we were working that they saw pictures posted of him and one of his ex gf's that is not recent on myspace that he no longer uses.. Of course this put questions in my head to where i went and looked at them. It was alarming to me since it was a whole album of pictures of them kissing, cuddling, showing off their hickies ect.. My boyfriend and I have no more than 20 pictures taken of us. Which made me feel a bit not worthy of 'showing off' as his girlfriend.

 

When i told him about this, he mentioned he did not post them recently but he has had them 'private' and posted them while they were dating. This made me upset for the reason that I feel he wants them for his 'private' viewing pleasure. He went on about how he hasn't spoke or seen any of his exes since we have been dating. I had to ask him what else he was keeping private from me and he said nothing. He then texted me his log-in of his facebook to see for myself. So I looked through it while I was at work. I found a message of his ex that was in the pictures telling him that she posted pictures of them on her fb and that she can take them down if he wants to. I didn't see a reply from him. She had tagged him in those cuddly pictures but I'm guessing he untagged himself. I told him that I looked through his fb and told him that he lied since I saw other messages of his most recent ex chatting of their interests. After he apologized, he deleted both his exes of his fb. The next day while he was in the shower i looked through his phone and found text messages of his most recent ex and no messages of his ex in the photos. I saw more messages of his most recent ex than me. I went to the very beginning and they start right around the date of when him and I got together. I have never unlocked his phone until this time. My only reason was to see what else he was keeping private.

 

Some i found very upsetting and they hurt me alot. The messages might not sound alarming to you all but i've been diagnosed with SAD and depression within this year and they still eat at me just of the thought of them. he messaged her about an event that we were going to.. now i feel afraid of any event that my bf and i go to and that she might be there. Another message was from her during the recent holidays while him and i were out of town visiting HIS family. she wrote that she needs to speak with him on the phone...that she needs some one 'not fake' to talk to. Does she really not have anyone 'real' in her life to talk to? after the holidays when i was out of town to see MY family, he messaged her that he misses having conversations with her and he wishes to have them as much as he would like to. after that message he wrote, feel free to call or text me anytime. This alone put a question in my head if he had her over at my apartment that he was watching for me while i was out of town, he hasn't moved into it yet at that time.

 

I have not told him that I looked through his messages and what i read. Messages were the only thing i looked at. I feel if i look through his pictures or anything that i might find some of him and his exes. I don't look at it anymore. I told myself to not make a habit out of it. This really sucks since I know i do not speak, write or message any of my exes. I don't even keep them on my fb or any other social networking site that I use and do not use. I have scheduled myself to see a psychiatrist and he knows this and my disorders. but it won't be until another month from now since it's their soonest for my first appt. I think I will be speaking of mostly this situation with the doctor. I have confined to this site to read if anyone has been in this situation or has even delt with this. I seriously feel if i bring this up to him it will end our relationship knowing it will be awkward knowing what he has talked about certain things with his ex if we continued our relationship. I really don't think this situation could be worked out. I feel he is still interested in her and even 'misses' her.

[Philosoraptor]

Ok calm down and realize this is your insecurity and he is being more than lenient by allowing all of his privacy to be dug through.

 

I'm not sure what his intentions are with his ex, but nothing stands out too much. He might miss her as a friend as many do have friendships with their ex.

 

But for as lenient as he is I'm not going to read too much into him wanting her back as he obviously feels he has nothing to hide. I'd continue with your therapy path and I hope these issues resolve themselves.

 

I would though explain to him that you're not doing well and might need a bit of reassurance. He certainly seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't run off as long as you come to him in non-accusatory tone.

[nanbullen]

I wouldn't say anything to him about it. He's been with you for 2 years, and honestly, I don't think anything in those messages is all that bad. Maybe it sounds worse to you because you have SAD and depression....but that's more about your having difficulty coping, more than him doing anything wrong. Know what I mean?

 

Personally, I think any kind of snooping, be it text messages, facebook, email or whatever is a bad idea. Whatever you find out, you can't really confront them about without making yourself look bad.