Solo34 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I met a girl at College, and we went out on a date, kissing, etc. Well after that date, she disappeared for about a week and then reappeared telling me that even though she had a great time, that she doesn't need to date or have a relationship at the moment. We agreed to be friends, and we became friends. We were spending lots of time together, literally all nighters talking and stuff. Just the both of us having a great time enjoying each others' company. We kissed again another time, and it was fine...I even touched her a couple of times, and it was no big issue between us at all. We just maintained our friendship and meeting up together and having a good time together talking, etc. She knows I like her, and she asked me to write her a "love letter." Now I don't love her, but I do care about her, and I know it would be a bad idea to confess I love her (even if I did, which I don't), or to show my hand so to speak. So long story short, I wrote it telling her that I do care for her, that I'd like to see where it could go in the future, that I wouldn't want to lose her from my life, etc. Just things like that and how I appreciate her mind, her personality, and her sense of humor as much as her beauty. Well, I held off on giving it to her, but everytime she'd see me, she'd ask for it and smile. I eventually gave it to her and told her "It was nice being with you...and I'm sure I won't see you again after you read this." She tells me "Don't be silly. Of course I still want to see you." She goes home and reads it, texts me that we will talk about it next time we meet. I told her "It's OK, you don't have to explain why you don't feel the same way..." and she replies "Don't put words in my mouth, nothing has changed between us, let's talk when we meet. I want to talk about this." Well, I hadn't heard from her since I gave it to her for 5 days, so I sent a simple text asking how she was. I heard nothing back. 5 days after that, I sent her an email on FB telling her that I knew I'd push her away, but wasn't sure what had happened to her saying she wanted to talk about it, and that nothing's changed. I also told her it was nice to have known her and to have spent time with her, but that I wouldn't trouble her anymore. I haven't heard anything from her 2 weeks total since giving her that "love letter" that she herself requested I write to her. What do you all think?? Did I screw up our friendship even though she requested the letter?? Do I try and contact her again?? I'm really bummed out and feeling down about this. I really value her as a friend and I do miss her. Thank you for reading this, and I know it's very long but I had to get it all out there.
FitChick Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Maybe she has a collection of similar letters from other guys and she is planning to put them in a book or online. 2
Author Solo34 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Maybe she has a collection of similar letters from other guys and she is planning to put them in a book or online. Wow. Great insight...
smudge21 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Nothing worse than that feeling that you've screwed up, but there really is nothing you can do now. I know that going right through your mind at this moment is how you'd wish you could change it, do things differently. You can't think like that, it will never help. The ball is definitely in her court and any more contact from you will only make you feel worse and may push her further away. Yeah, she may not get in touch again, but if I were a betting man, I'd say she will... but only if you back off, let her miss you. I'm in a similar boat myself after getting close with a friend and then foolishly showing a bit too much interest afterwards, rather than playing it cool, being like she was and just letting things take their course (rather than forcing them in a direction I wanted it to go). I now feel that I've lost someone close, but I cannot change what happened. I've left the ball in her court and that's where it shall remain.
gaius Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Leave her alone. If she ever contacts you in the future don't start vomiting insecurity again, like how you bother her with your presence and that she's probably going to get rid of you. Also don't dance to her tune, women don't like guys who can be easily manipulated into doing what they want. Next time she wants a love letter demand something you want in return. 2
Author Solo34 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Leave her alone. If she ever contacts you in the future don't start vomiting insecurity again, like how you bother her with your presence and that she's probably going to get rid of you. Also don't dance to her tune, women don't like guys who can be easily manipulated into doing what they want. Next time she wants a love letter demand something you want in return. Definitely wasn't vomiting insecurity...was going off of past occurances and experiences with her. How she reacted after we were making out on the 1st date, nevermind reading a personal letter that I had feelings for her. I also never danced to her tune, outside of writing my letter. It's why I'm confused...she requested the damn thing, she knew what it would be, now she fell off the face of the Earth.
Author Solo34 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Nothing worse than that feeling that you've screwed up, but there really is nothing you can do now. I know that going right through your mind at this moment is how you'd wish you could change it, do things differently. You can't think like that, it will never help. The ball is definitely in her court and any more contact from you will only make you feel worse and may push her further away. Yeah, she may not get in touch again, but if I were a betting man, I'd say she will... but only if you back off, let her miss you. I'm in a similar boat myself after getting close with a friend and then foolishly showing a bit too much interest afterwards, rather than playing it cool, being like she was and just letting things take their course (rather than forcing them in a direction I wanted it to go). I now feel that I've lost someone close, but I cannot change what happened. I've left the ball in her court and that's where it shall remain. Hey Smudge, yeah, I've left it be. Definitely letting her keep the ball in her court without me contacting again. 2 weeks is BS, though. I can't see how a female wants a damn love letter, and then is put off by it or whatever the Hell she's feeling at this time. She's got issues and she flaked out again...I'm gonna tell her where to go if and when she does get back at me. This is unacceptable...and very immature. I hope your situation works out for you, though. Take care, bro.
TheFinalWord Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 My advice: 1) Calm down. You came off as insecure by putting words in her mouth in the first place. 2) Don't write anymore. Just let her think about it. If you keep writing it looks insecure. 3) If you were going to come out with it you should have told her you loved her. You were wishy-washy in the letter. It sounds like you have both put each other in the friend zone. If you actually don't love her you shouldn't have given her any kind of letter in the first place. 1
Author Solo34 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 My advice: 1) Calm down. You came off as insecure by putting words in her mouth in the first place. 2) Don't write anymore. Just let her think about it. If you keep writing it looks insecure. 3) If you were going to come out with it you should have told her you loved her. You were wishy-washy in the letter. It sounds like you have both put each other in the friend zone. If you actually don't love her you shouldn't have given her any kind of letter in the first place. Sorry, but definitely don't love her after only 2 months of being friendly with each other...not dating, being friends. There was nothing wishy-washy in my letter at all. I let her know how I felt, ball's in her court now. I do appreciate the input, though. Thanks.
hiimgerman Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I met a girl at College, and we went out on a date, kissing, etc. Well after that date, she disappeared for about a week and then reappeared telling me that even though she had a great time, that she doesn't need to date or have a relationship at the moment. We agreed to be friends, and we became friends. We were spending lots of time together, literally all nighters talking and stuff. Just the both of us having a great time enjoying each others' company. We kissed again another time, and it was fine...I even touched her a couple of times, and it was no big issue between us at all. We just maintained our friendship and meeting up together and having a good time together talking, etc. She knows I like her, and she asked me to write her a "love letter." Now I don't love her, but I do care about her, and I know it would be a bad idea to confess I love her (even if I did, which I don't), or to show my hand so to speak. So long story short, I wrote it telling her that I do care for her, that I'd like to see where it could go in the future, that I wouldn't want to lose her from my life, etc. Just things like that and how I appreciate her mind, her personality, and her sense of humor as much as her beauty. Well, I held off on giving it to her, but everytime she'd see me, she'd ask for it and smile. I eventually gave it to her and told her "It was nice being with you...and I'm sure I won't see you again after you read this." She tells me "Don't be silly. Of course I still want to see you." She goes home and reads it, texts me that we will talk about it next time we meet. I told her "It's OK, you don't have to explain why you don't feel the same way..." and she replies "Don't put words in my mouth, nothing has changed between us, let's talk when we meet. I want to talk about this." Well, I hadn't heard from her since I gave it to her for 5 days, so I sent a simple text asking how she was. I heard nothing back. 5 days after that, I sent her an email on FB telling her that I knew I'd push her away, but wasn't sure what had happened to her saying she wanted to talk about it, and that nothing's changed. I also told her it was nice to have known her and to have spent time with her, but that I wouldn't trouble her anymore. I haven't heard anything from her 2 weeks total since giving her that "love letter" that she herself requested I write to her. What do you all think?? Did I screw up our friendship even though she requested the letter?? Do I try and contact her again?? I'm really bummed out and feeling down about this. I really value her as a friend and I do miss her. Thank you for reading this, and I know it's very long but I had to get it all out there. Such a heart-melting story. Please keep us updated!
Author Solo34 Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 Such a heart-melting story. Please keep us updated! I'll keep you all updated, just not sure if and when anything will happen though...
louise_23 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 what the ****!!!! she asked you for a love letter?? what a ****ing silly bitch!! im sorry but even if this attention seeker wanted to talk to me now id ignore her. im sure you can do better than this trout. 1
start-fresh Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 This chick is messed up. Who asks somebody she's dated a few times to write her a love letter and then blows him off? OP, in the future, never do something like this again. 1
Author Solo34 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 what the ****!!!! she asked you for a love letter?? what a ****ing silly bitch!! im sorry but even if this attention seeker wanted to talk to me now id ignore her. im sure you can do better than this trout. Great advice, thank you.
Author Solo34 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 This chick is messed up. Who asks somebody she's dated a few times to write her a love letter and then blows him off? OP, in the future, never do something like this again. Oh, she's definitely F'd in the head, no doubt. I never wanted to write it, and knew I shouldn't. I'll definitely never write another one...no doubt about that at all. Thank you.
rubberduck Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Yeah seriously that's a bit odd someone demanding a love letter LOL I think I'd have run a mile (and I'm a woman!)... I think you're better off out of it to be honest!
Feelsgoodman Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 This is possibly the saddest post I've read on this board. The OP is the ultimate friendzoned nice guy, while his object of desire is the ultimate attention wh*re/emotional vampire. This is not going to end well... 1
Feelsgoodman Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Yeah seriously that's a bit odd someone demanding a love letter LOL I think I'd have run a mile (and I'm a woman!)... I think you're better off out of it to be honest! What's even more odd is complying with such a request. And odder still is doing so after being told that she's not interested in him romantically. This gives a whole new meaning to the word "sad".
Author Solo34 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 What's even more odd is complying with such a request. And odder still is doing so after being told that she's not interested in him romantically. This gives a whole new meaning to the word "sad". She told me she didn't want to get into a relationship, not that she wasn't into me romantically...because we were kissing and stuff on more than 1 occasion. She also told me that after our 1st date, which was a few Months back...during that time we were spending alot more time together, kissed and stuff again, and we were getting closer (at least what it seemed at the time). That's when she asked for the "love letter." I'm not some "ultimate, nice-guy pushover," LMFAO...I was just confused as to what in the F happened. I do agree with your stating that she's an attention wh*re vampire, though. Reason being, because in hindsight, she was getting jealous that I was spending time with other females on dates and such. I took that as her being more interested in me, when in fact, she probably just wanted me to only have eyes for her. Thanks for the responses, though.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 She told me she didn't want to get into a relationship, not that she wasn't into me romantically...because we were kissing and stuff on more than 1 occasion. Trust me, if a woman is really into you, she would never say something like that. I do agree with your stating that she's an attention wh*re vampire, though. Reason being, because in hindsight, she was getting jealous that I was spending time with other females on dates and such. I took that as her being more interested in me, when in fact, she probably just wanted me to only have eyes for her. Thanks for the responses, though. Well, there's your explanation. Still, the whole situation with requesting a love letter (after the first date, no less) is something that's hard to wrap your head around. Why would you comply with such a weird request??
Author Solo34 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Trust me, if a woman is really into you, she would never say something like that. Well, there's your explanation. Still, the whole situation with requesting a love letter (after the first date, no less) is something that's hard to wrap your head around. Why would you comply with such a weird request?? I understand if a female's into you, and all that. What you're not understanding is that we were spending a bunch of time together way after the 1st date, bro. All-nighters and stuff together, etc. It wasn't just a 1-time thing where we only had 1 date and she asked that of me. We were becoming closer when she asked for the dumb letter. I didn't make it a love letter, I just told her I really enjoy her company and stuff, and I'd like to see where we could end up if we keep spending time together pretty much. Really, I'm embarrassed just to write that and think about it all...I'm not a guy that would even do a dumb letter, that's why I'm so pissed at myself for doing it. Just pissed and embarrassed.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I understand if a female's into you, and all that. What you're not understanding is that we were spending a bunch of time together way after the 1st date, bro. All-nighters and stuff together, etc. It wasn't just a 1-time thing where we only had 1 date and she asked that of me. This is what you said in your previous post, which appeared to suggested she asked for it after the first date: She also told me that after our 1st date, which was a few Months back...during that time we were spending alot more time together, kissed and stuff again, and we were getting closer (at least what it seemed at the time). Anyway, I think you I get the gist of it now. You went out a bunch of times, made out but didn't have sex, she asked for a "love letter"... We were becoming closer when she asked for the dumb letter. I didn't make it a love letter, I just told her I really enjoy her company and stuff, and I'd like to see where we could end up if we keep spending time together pretty much. Really, I'm embarrassed just to write that and think about it all...I'm not a guy that would even do a dumb letter, that's why I'm so pissed at myself for doing it. Just pissed and embarrassed. I'm sure it feels sh*tty being treated that way...we've all been in embarrassing situations. Let this be a lesson to you that females can be just as creepy and weird as dudes. If you get a creepy vibe from a woman, trust your gut. 1
Author Solo34 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 I'm sure it feels sh*tty being treated that way...we've all been in embarrassing situations. Let this be a lesson to you that females can be just as creepy and weird as dudes. If you get a creepy vibe from a woman, trust your gut. Thing is, I'm not sure how to act if I happen to run into her at school again or something like that. Do I ignore her and let her know she got to me, or do I just smile and nod like "What's up?" and be on my way?? Sucks, 'cause I tend to wear my true feelings on my face so I won't be able to pull off the fake smile and nod.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Thing is, I'm not sure how to act if I happen to run into her at school again or something like that. Do I ignore her and let her know she got to me, or do I just smile and nod like "What's up?" and be on my way?? Sucks, 'cause I tend to wear my true feelings on my face so I won't be able to pull off the fake smile and nod. Ignoring her does not mean showing that she has gotten to you. It just means that she is no longer a relevant person in your life. You shouldn't even think about how it comes across to her...it doesn't matter. 1
Author Solo34 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Ignoring her does not mean showing that she has gotten to you. It just means that she is no longer a relevant person in your life. You shouldn't even think about how it comes across to her...it doesn't matter. OK, cool. That's what I was hoping it would convey/how I was thinking... Like I said, the biggest issue for me is the personal embarrassment I've brought upon myself. It's the biggest issue, as I don't even at all anymore about her taking my words and running and not contacting me again. It's gonna take me awhile to get over the embarrassment I did to myself. Thanks again, bro.
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