persevere Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 You have to have thick skin and realize not everyone is going to find you attractive or be interested in you. Think of it in baseball terms. You go to the plate and take your swings. Some you will miss, others you will hit. When you get on base, make the most of it. What is interesting as well, is sometimes it's surprising when a nice looking woman is attracted to you. You just never know. Don't ever think a woman is "too good" or too pretty to like you.
oranged Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 You would date a pretty girl who was boring/had nothing in common with you/didn't know how to act with grace and class in social situations? Sorry man, I'm not on board with you there. Bringing a girl home who acts like a retard to my parents is just as bad as bringing home a fat girl hows that? fat women didn't do anything wrong.
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 You would date a pretty girl who was boring/had nothing in common with you/didn't know how to act with grace and class in social situations? Sorry man, I'm not on board with you there. Bringing a girl home who acts like a retard to my parents is just as bad as bringing home a fat girl I said 60--70%. Not 100% and not even 80%. But if I am not physically attracted, it's not happening.
oranged Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 What is interesting as well, is sometimes it's surprising when a nice looking woman is attracted to you. You just never know. Don't ever think a woman is "too good" or too pretty to like you. let's be in the real world. i'm in the bottom half, way down. if an attractive woman said she was attracted to me she'd for sure be kidding.
ATrainofAngels Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I said 60--70%. Not 100% and not even 80%. But if I am not physically attracted, it's not happening. I'm on the same board in terms of physical attraction being very important, but if our personalities/lifestyles don't match then I know we're probably not gonna have a good relationship either
TheFinalWord Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 If you have strong social skills, women will love to spend time with you The most important thing is social skills 1, looks 2. That's what will make women gravitate to you. Everything after that is just an extra perk that's really not all that important. Looks are maybe 30-40% of it with the rest being personality/social skills/confidence The guy I told you (one of my good friends) who has literally nothing going for him has ALWAYS had good looking girlfriends who loved him to death. All this talk of "vision" and "mutual benefits" is nonsense. Improve your appearance and then improve your social skills to be 100% confident. That's what you need to be successful and again what is this idea of a "partnership"? What do you mean when you talk about "mutual benefits"? These are vague terms that make no sense to me Sure, I agree social skills and looks are important. But it's not all encompassing. Using your theory how do you explain my friend: chubby 250 lbs average looking who is newly married to a very petite, beautiful blonde/blue eyes? There is obviously more than just looks! In regards to partnership, it's in our biology. Mankind made it this long in monogamous relationships because they functioned as a partnership. Do you think our ancestors and modern man really survives just because of sex and fun? Have you ever seen a married couple with children? Granted, not everyone wants that. I don't know how old you are or how many serious long-term relationships you have. But it's in our biology to have families. In such a relationship the husband and wife are partners. If you really need me to explain that I will. But I feel it's obvious
RiverRunning Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I think most guys who have trouble dating have one big problem: They're not assertive enough and they don't initiate. They expect to show up and have the woman approach them. It just doesn't work that way, even in the younger generation, most of the time. Makes me wonder how many guys have passed me by. I've never been randomly approached.
oranged Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I think most guys who have trouble dating have one big problem: They're not assertive enough and they don't initiate. They expect to show up and have the woman approach them. It just doesn't work that way, even in the younger generation, most of the time. Makes me wonder how many guys have passed me by. I've never been randomly approached. when a guy doesn't get responses or even creeps out enough women for initiating eventually he will stop initiating.
RiverRunning Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 when a guy doesn't get responses or even creeps out enough women for initiating eventually he will stop initiating. Part of this is practice. I've been on the receiving end...well...very rarely...of a guy I've known for a while trying his 'moves' so to speak. He may see it as being comfortable and natural. But the wording, intonation and even stance of that 'initiating' can be a turn-off. I met a guy once who seriously thought that initiating involved coming in for a kiss. WOAH pardna! How about you just say, "Hey, would you like to get coffee with me this weekend?" In my experiences, there seems to be two camps: 1. The creepy ones - and I don't say this because they're not attractive and whatnot - who come in too strongly. They're talking about when you get married on the first date (or even before), asking you if you're a virgin, what's your favorite position, try to pull you into a hug/kiss, etc. They don't seem to gauge a woman's response - i.e., "Does she seem receptive to me? Should I attempt x?" - it's just, "I want to do x, and I'm going to do it." 2. The guys who don't do it at all. Approach in any way. Which may feed into your comment about guys giving up if they get rejected or ignored. I do feel for them. But unfortunately, I think a lot of guys get into a very negative pattern of thinking. They may get rejected 90% of the time but get a few hits and some partial hits here and there. But because it's not as many as they would like, or they don't like the quality of the hits, they count this as "get ignored." Black-and-white thinking. Even the most hideous of trolls, with someone to edit his profile and a skillful angle shot, can get at least one hit. It may take longer, but it's possible.
oranged Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Part of this is practice. I've been on the receiving end...well...very rarely...of a guy I've known for a while trying his 'moves' so to speak. He may see it as being comfortable and natural. But the wording, intonation and even stance of that 'initiating' can be a turn-off. I met a guy once who seriously thought that initiating involved coming in for a kiss. WOAH pardna! How about you just say, "Hey, would you like to get coffee with me this weekend?" In my experiences, there seems to be two camps: 1. The creepy ones - and I don't say this because they're not attractive and whatnot - who come in too strongly. They're talking about when you get married on the first date (or even before), asking you if you're a virgin, what's your favorite position, try to pull you into a hug/kiss, etc. They don't seem to gauge a woman's response - i.e., "Does she seem receptive to me? Should I attempt x?" - it's just, "I want to do x, and I'm going to do it." 2. The guys who don't do it at all. Approach in any way. Which may feed into your comment about guys giving up if they get rejected or ignored. I do feel for them. But unfortunately, I think a lot of guys get into a very negative pattern of thinking. They may get rejected 90% of the time but get a few hits and some partial hits here and there. But because it's not as many as they would like, or they don't like the quality of the hits, they count this as "get ignored." Black-and-white thinking. Even the most hideous of trolls, with someone to edit his profile and a skillful angle shot, can get at least one hit. It may take longer, but it's possible. an above average guy who knows what he's doing will get rejeted or ignored 90%. i'm below average. i'm creepy because i can't gauge a womans response but also don't do it because its for sure the result won't be good. either negative or neutral at best. saying "hey do you want coffee" in the wrong tone is creepy. what woman would desire a 41 and never had a girlfriend? i don't think theres oone. i'm worse than "even the most hideous" because i can't get any.
Cracker Jack Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 So, um, are you planning to do anything to change your situation for the better? Or are you okay constantly repeating how hopeless you are with women?
corunna Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 (edited) I Wrote something here. Now it really loos's messed up, carry on. Sorry. I thoght I had anawer's. Edited June 3, 2012 by corunna I
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I'm not assuming anything and I'm a woman, I know what attracts me...The only guys I know who are frustrated lack severely in the looks department. Well, guys have to initiate stuff in dating. So do I take it that you initiate with guys you think are attractive? Otherwise, even good looking guys can sit on the sideline.
mesmerized Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Well, guys have to initiate stuff in dating. So do I take it that you initiate with guys you think are attractive? Otherwise, even good looking guys can sit on the sideline. Girls approach good looking guys all the time. I see it every time I go to a bar. A good looking guy comes in and 2 minutes after he has a group of girls around him. Well he probably isn't socially awkward either and the way he looks at people is inviting.
silvergold Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I think that's very good advice. Another component of this is that guys should not worry so much about being rejected because, well, it's going to happen, but acting confident and approaching someone you find attractive might just pay off. A long time ago somebody told me about one of their friends: a beautiful girl, a model, very smart, funny, great personality, who, get this, never had a date (back in the days when guys asked out girls for the most part, not the other way around). Men were intimidated by her because of her looks and just assumed she had a boyfriend or men fawning all over her, but she was just lonely and wanted a date. You never know til you try.
ThaWholigan Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Well, guys have to initiate stuff in dating. So do I take it that you initiate with guys you think are attractive? Otherwise, even good looking guys can sit on the sideline. This is pretty accurate in my experiences. There were only a few guys who never got girls, but when the girls spoke about them, they often spoke about how the guys never knew how good they looked. The allegedly ugly dudes seem to have the highest tolerance of rejection in my experience. Good looking guys with low self esteem will still do pretty badly with women - even if they may get girls teeming onto them every now and then. Even I myself have been approached by varying levels of girls, and due to not knowing anything about how to talk to them before, it was always awkward at the time. Nowadays, I'm a little better at it, or at least I'm more comfortable.
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I think most guys who have trouble dating have one big problem: They're not assertive enough and they don't initiate. They expect to show up and have the woman approach them. It just doesn't work that way, even in the younger generation, most of the time. Makes me wonder how many guys have passed me by. I've never been randomly approached. I imagine there are a lot of guys who thought you were cute but who just didn't have the stones to go up and talk to you. Those who might have would have come on way too strong. This kind of proves what I was saying before: This game is rigged WAY in favor of us guys. At least those of us who are willing to hustle and approach. I'm not that young, not that good-looking, and not that tall. But I've gotten plenty of dates. If things were "fairer" women would be approaching better-looking guys. They don't, and the better-looking guys aren't approaching, which leaves it all open for me.
verhrzn Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Maybe it's just time to accept that even if someone does everything right, they still won't get a date/girlfriend. Love is not a human right, sadly. There are just some people in the world (and I include myself among them) who just weren't built to be loved. I think the problem is not so much some people can't get dates, but that we tie so much worth to relationships. People in relationships/married are seen as more valuable, or at least more knowledgeable, than single people. But a lot of times, love is just luck. And some of us are perpetually unlucky. I think everyone would feel a lot better if we could just shrug our shoulders and accept that fact.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Maybe it's just time to accept that even if someone does everything right, they still won't get a date/girlfriend. Love is not a human right, sadly. This is the truth. But if love is something a person deeply desires, they should continue to aim their life in the direction of love. If you are an artist, but may never have your work or talent recognized - or, maybe you don't really even have talent - you should still make art, too.
verhrzn Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 This is the truth. But if love is something a person deeply desires, they should continue to aim their life in the direction of love. If you are an artist, but may never have your work or talent recognized - or, maybe you don't really even have talent - you should still make art, too. What exactly do you call art, without recognition or talent?... I dunno, I'm much happier accepting the idea that I'm forever single because I'm unlucky, not because I necessarily suck or am doing something wrong. It makes it easier to sleep at night. Yeah, I'm never gonna have a relationship, but at least I'm no longer bursting in tears at any mention of love. I admit, I can't have a ton of empathy for the frustrated guys. I'd KILL to be a guy... be able to initiate stuff without looking desperate or needy! What a dream. Yet another day where I wish for a body-switcher machine.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 What exactly do you call art, without recognition or talent?... The action taken as a result of a drive to create … or a drive / need to express something using a form of art.
verhrzn Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 The action taken as a result of a drive to create … or a drive / need to express something using a form of art. Well I obviously can't speak for all artists, but my writing without recognition or talent, I call "garbage."
Alma Mobley Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Well I obviously can't speak for all artists, but my writing without recognition or talent, I call "garbage." Clearly, you haven't taken art history. The drive to create, the drive to discover "truth" (in all its forms) is an art and the process produces art. Maybe your writing isn't garbage at all; maybe your writing even has truths in it, somewhere.
verhrzn Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Clearly, you haven't taken art history. The drive to create, the drive to discover "truth" (in all its forms) is an art and the process produces art. Maybe your writing isn't garbage at all; maybe your writing even has truths in it, somewhere. Nah, pretty guaranteed it's garbage. Either way, it's exhausting to dedicate your life is something that is never gonna happen, that you are fundamentally incapable of having. Much easier to just surrender the desire for it. For example, I recognized a few months ago that I am never going to be a successful writer, so I've stopped writing. Yeah, I miss it, but it also means I am no longer beating myself up trying to do something I'm not capable of.
iris219 Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Nah, pretty guaranteed it's garbage. Either way, it's exhausting to dedicate your life is something that is never gonna happen, that you are fundamentally incapable of having. Much easier to just surrender the desire for it. For example, I recognized a few months ago that I am never going to be a successful writer, so I've stopped writing. Yeah, I miss it, but it also means I am no longer beating myself up trying to do something I'm not capable of. Why do you have to be successful at something to enjoy it? That makes no sense. I love tennis even though I suck. Not only will I never be a tennis pro, I don't even think I'll ever be good enough to play in a league. But I still play and enjoy it. Most people would have no hobbies or interests if they limited themselves only to things they were awesome at.
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