PainsChains Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 We were together for 1.5 years. Then two months ago she sat in my car and told me she'd fallen out of love with me. She said she was falling in love with someone else. That this guy was everything she'd been looking for for a long, long time. I cried and told her I loved her and made a complete fool out of myself. I've been keeping NC ever since, a full two months. Then last night at 1 am my phone rings. It's her. At the time I was feeling pretty low and was actually reading an article on how to get over a breakup. I knew not to pick it up... but did anyway. She told me she'd been missing me a lot lately. That she was just calling to see how I was doing. I didn't say much at first. Gave one word answers. But then she launched into more detail about what made her call me. A couple of mutual friends had asked her about me recently. Then she said that the past couple of days she'd been thinking about me a lot and was feeling weird. She said she'd been checking her email compulsively hoping I'd written her. She said she went out last night for the first time in a long while and was worried about seeing me and found herself looking for me everywhere. When she called me to tell me all this she was driving around in her car because she couldn't sleep. She said she's been wondering if breaking up with me was the right decision. Being the fool that I am I listened to all this and suddenly became vulnerable again. I told her I loved her. That I thought we could still work things out. And the more I said - the less she responded. I asked her how things were going with the new guy and she said, "Very good. I'm very happy". Then she delivered the biggest blow to my heart, saying: I'm moving to his city at the end of the summer, and I'm going to move in with him. Why would she tell me this? Talk about cruel. And I just dug myself deeper, telling her more and more how much I loved her. How much I thought about her. How much pain I was in. Then she started taking shots at me in subtle ways. Telling me how he was so good to her (but only in the ways she'd complained I wasn't during our relationship, which of course she knew I'd pick up on). I asked her how she could be so callous and tell me these things. She just feigned innocence. I asked how she could jump from one relationship to the next so fast and she just told me it was because "I finally found what I've been looking for". Eventually i asked: if you've found what you're looking for then why check your email compulsively, look for me places, and call me at 1 in the morning? She got angry and said it was because she was stupid. I told her she wasn't. And then, with a sudden confidence, she told me goodbye in a very determined tone and hung up on me. Like an idiot I called her back. She didn't answer. So I went from being strong and not calling her for two months straight to pouring my heart out to her, hearing how much better the new guy is, just how very happy she is, and then getting hung up on! Even calling her back twice right after and having her ignore my calls. I'm crushed. Now I know she's moving in with this guy. That she's very happy. And I even got rejected all over again. Thanks! That helps my recovery! I feel horrible and sick. Her telling me these hurtful things and that she's moving in with him... it's my worst nightmare come true. Why call me and do that? I mean how insensitive and downright cruel is she? What possesses a person to do such a thing?
Gulf-Delta Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Never ask how they are with their "new person" When thoughts of my ex and her new guy, I automatically imagine as a lame, mean, smelly, lazy loser, who has a small dick and is bad in bed. I will NEVER ask how she is with him, though she's told me more than once she doesn't love him Anyway, just NC her dude. She may realize she made a mistake and come back, but MOST LIKELY she's gone and NC will help you accept it, and get over her.
Exit Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 That was pretty crappy of her, but you did say you knew ahead of time that you probably shouldn't have answered. Could have let her leave a voicemail and checked it afterwards, but I understand it must have been hard seeing her name light up your phone. It's pretty rude what she did but it's strange how it follows the pattern that so many people predict, she acts interested, and then the more you started to let her know that you still cared, she started going in the other direction with the conversation, talking about how great the new guy is, and she goes from calling you in the middle of the night to being the one to give a cold goodbye and hang up the phone. So maybe if you had said you were incredibly happy and didn't miss her much, it would have gotten the opposite response out of her, who knows. But I've always heard when the ex comes fishing for attention, if you give them that satisfaction of knowing that they still have you hooked, it'll kill their interest off right away and they'll disappear again. I'm sure it's tempting but don't let this mess with your head for too long. I'm sure you're still asking yourself if she's so happy with new guy then why did this phone call even happen. The fact is she did call for a reason, but don't let it get your hopes up. Just go back to NC, if she was rude enough to hang up and not answer your calls when you tried calling back, then forget it. Sorry she did that to you. Maybe take a little satisfaction in knowing that she's not as happy as she claims to be if she's calling you and thinking about you, don't beat yourself up about how you handled the call or what you did or didn't say, you can't change it now, you took the opportunity to tell the truth and tell her that you still cared and still thought about it working out, as many of us would do if our exes ever called, all you can do is start moving on all over again... 1
Reddice Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Wow! This is ridiculous! So yesterday I posted this story about the breadcrumbs my ex threw my way. I decided not to reply to her e-mail and have been feeling extremely crappy since. I could hardly sleep, thinking about how I may have even ruined a good opportunity of reconciliation. I felt like a wreck. Now I come online, read this story and realize that I may have dodged a major bullet. I can feel your pain man. The email set me back a bit, so if I think how bad she would have left me if I had replied to it, well... it scares me. I understand the craving to be there for a person you love this much. My ex was the love of my life and I guess your ex was the same to you. We want to believe they feel the same for us, certainly after they tell us these type of things things. Unfortunately, we have to realize that they do not feel the same for us. They would have stayed with us if they did. We believe that they may have come to their senses when the breadcrumbs come and we rejoice, only to find out that they are just looking for attention. We think we know our exes better than anyone else, that they aren't going to hurt us this time, and we forget all the lessons we learned on LoveShack. But the truth is... They are just like everyone else! They are worse in fact, because they are doing it to us! The person who once was everything to them. The person who they shared their fears and insecurities with. The person who was there for them, no matter what! And then they almost destroy us... But don't worry about pouring your heart out to her. I did the same thing at the 1 month NC mark. After that backfired on me, I have now remained on NC for 3 months. This soul seeking succubus which was once your girlfriend will get what's coming to her, don't worry about that. You'll come see that life itself is one big joke. But next time... the joke's on her. If she ever calls again, ignore. Then come to this forum to ask for advice. We'll be here for you bro! Stay strong! We're in this together, and we will come out of this together. 1
Gulf-Delta Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Gulf, I think the light bulb has come on for you! You will have good and bad days, question NC, question not fighting for the Ex, etc. but I think you have the right attitude and perspective on things now. What I am trying to say is... I am proud of you and keep up the great work! Oh no, I still feel the same I always have as far as hoping/thinking she'll come back....I just prefer to pretend her ex is a bad person, and he probably is considering she was wearing an engagement ring when they met!....depending on when they actually met that is, I have no idea. Edited June 1, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
billythefish Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 i know how you feel...ive been N/C for 8 months & about 3 weeks ago my ex texted me that she still wants me but she was drunk & i knew she never meant it...sure enough the next day i get an email saying she couldnt remember sending it (i never responded to these messages)...ive been in a bad mood since then as i was doing well & i have felt guilty for ignoring her but i had no choice...my friend had to talk me out of sending her a nasty email to her....im glad i never sent it but its not easy...i think exes are soooo selfish when they do this & her silence when sober has been deafening
Mr Scorpio Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Thanks! That helps my recovery! I feel horrible and sick. Her telling me these hurtful things and that she's moving in with him... it's my worst nightmare come true. Why call me and do that? I mean how insensitive and downright cruel is she? What possesses a person to do such a thing? Well, if you needed anymore incentive to maintain NC in the future, now you have it.
kindest Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I feel you, man. I don't blame you for answering the phone. After all, you loved her. Maybe you still do, and that's alright. It shows that you know how to love. No matter how you look at it, you are the bigger person for loving her truly. Remember that. Heal yourself. We all fall down from time to time, we are not immune to mistakes. What's more important is that we bounce back up each time. Bounce, my friend. 1
RedDevil66 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Unless she is BAT SH*T crazy, why would she do this??! Sounds like she has some resentment towards you. What women would dump a guy and tell him about a new man she found whom she is in love with unless she wants to hurt that guy? Why did she want to hurt you Most people when leaving someone, try with all their might, not to hurt the person they are letting down. They will lie and say there is no one else just to ease the blow. Then to call her after 2 months to tell you she loves you, then WHAM, tells you she is moving to be with this guy. No one ever truly tries to hurt someone intentionally unless they are bitter at the person or crazy (like really crazy). Was this girl acting out like this when you were with her?
caligirl23 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 She contacted you out of guilt for hurting you and to see where she stood with you, to make HERSELF feel better. I am sorry you are hurting, but I think that by telling her how you really felt was a blessing in disguise because this girl needs to have the power over you it seems. Had you told her you were great and happy and life was much better without her, she probably would have contacted you again and it would onlt have gotten worse. Think of it as ripping off the bandaid fast and not slow and you know what?? If she was soooo happy with the guy she is with right now, you wouldn't even be a thought to her. She is poison and would only hurt you again. I guarantee the dude she is with has nooo idea what she is really all about and I say good riddance! Let her be somebody elses problem and when you get over your hurt, you will pity her and it will be the BEST feeling ever!
Gulf-Delta Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Wow! This is ridiculous! So yesterday I posted this story about the breadcrumbs my ex threw my way. I decided not to reply to her e-mail and have been feeling extremely crappy since. I could hardly sleep, thinking about how I may have even ruined a good opportunity of reconciliation. I felt like a wreck. Now I come online, read this story and realize that I may have dodged a major bullet. I can feel your pain man. The email set me back a bit, so if I think how bad she would have left me if I had replied to it, well... it scares me. I understand the craving to be there for a person you love this much. My ex was the love of my life and I guess your ex was the same to you. We want to believe they feel the same for us, certainly after they tell us these type of things things. Unfortunately, we have to realize that they do not feel the same for us. They would have stayed with us if they did. We believe that they may have come to their senses when the breadcrumbs come and we rejoice, only to find out that they are just looking for attention. We think we know our exes better than anyone else, that they aren't going to hurt us this time, and we forget all the lessons we learned on LoveShack. But the truth is... They are just like everyone else! They are worse in fact, because they are doing it to us! The person who once was everything to them. The person who they shared their fears and insecurities with. The person who was there for them, no matter what! And then they almost destroy us... But don't worry about pouring your heart out to her. I did the same thing at the 1 month NC mark. After that backfired on me, I have now remained on NC for 3 months. This soul seeking succubus which was once your girlfriend will get what's coming to her, don't worry about that. You'll come see that life itself is one big joke. But next time... the joke's on her. If she ever calls again, ignore. Then come to this forum to ask for advice. We'll be here for you bro! Stay strong! We're in this together, and we will come out of this together. Man, at least you got an Email! I wish my ex would contact me so I'm at least not in limbo anymore.
Tiera D Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 To OP the reason probably is she is uncertain,you will hear her again trust me some time down the road,she claims she is very happy very good,then why is she calling you at 1pm,something bad must have happened that she need an ego boost,most posters will think she is a mean girl trying to push you even lower,intentionally or not,but her intention does not matter.On the other hand i think take this as an experience,at least you know now beyond a reasonable doubt what person she is,and you also know now what to do next time she calls,dont stress your mind too much,because now in your mind you know that she is not the compatible partner and by letting go you get one thing...Peace. TD
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