FunMike86 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hi guys, I'm in quite a predicament here and would appreciate some advice. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years, she is bisexual and has always wanted to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend (and we both wanted to try a threesome). After two years being in a relationship, we met a girl whom we both really liked and it turned into a polyamorous relationship with the three of us. Everyone was happy, we had great sex, and even lived together for a few months. It lasted about a year before that girl moved away for a job offer. Now its been several months and we decided to look for another girl. The party scene is pretty crazy where we live, I'm not into partying and drinking a lot personally, but my girlfriend is definitely a party girl. We met another girl while out clubbing, all of us were quite drunk and we ended up taking her home and having a threesome. This girl and my girlfriend have a lot in common and they really hit it off, however, she is definitely a little too crazy for my taste, likes to party and drink a lot and I don't think she's a good influence on my girlfriend. She's a cocktail waitress at a strip club (turn off for me). We've been seeing her for about 2 weeks, about 4-5 times. At the same time, I made an online dating profile on OKCupid looking for a bisexual girl who would be interested in a couple. One girl replied that has never done this but was very curious about it. We went on a date with her last week and I really, really liked her (we kissed her, but haven't had sex). She barely goes out and doesn't drink, she prefers to do outdoor activities (like myself) and she is very smart (she has masters degree and pursuing a PhD in economics). Unfortunately, my girlfriend likes the other party girl better and doesn't have great chemistry with the new girl. We haven't had a talk about being exclusive with either one, but I think she would like the party girl as her girlfriend. I'm really not sure what to do in this situation, the only good thing about the party girl is sex, I don't even have anything to talk to her about and would much prefer the other girl. Any advice would be appreciated!
Trimmer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 It seems like each "other girl" meets some of the needs of one of you. Can you just have a foursome? (Or two "twosomes", I suppose?) It kinda doesn't seem like either of you is going to convince the other one to swing over to your preferred Other Girl, does it? The other thing would be to agree to dump them both and start over. But realize that it is hard enough finding a partner that one person has chemistry with. You are trying to find one partner that has good chemistry with TWO people That probably squares the difficulty factor... (Sorry, I'm a math geek.) I don't intend this in a mean way, but in general, I predict some kind of a crash coming... 1
pteromom Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I would drop both of them, and find a new one. You can't force your gf to have chemistry with someone she doesn't feel it for. And if you aren't crazy about the one your gf likes, that's just gonna cause problems. So yeh - I would move on and find someone else.
kaylan Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Youre asking for trouble by bringing in another to your relationship bro. Tread lightly.
Author FunMike86 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Thanks for good advice guys. I don't think its a good idea to drop both of them though, it hasn't been easy finding a girl who's open-minded to date a couple (it took almost 3 months after our ex left) so now that we have two girls who both want to keep seeing us, I feel lucky. I feel like its best to keep seeing both and see what happens, we haven't talked about being exclusive with either and we don't even know if they would even want an actual relationship with a couple. It seems like each "other girl" meets some of the needs of one of you. That's actually very true and I felt that our relationship was actually better when we were with our ex. She was almost like a stabilizer in our relationship.
irin Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 please continue posting on this relationship on loveshack id like to keep up with this story.
Joaquin Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Dude. You are so messing this up. Shut the f### up. Let her choose the girl. The douches telling you any different here would swap places with you in a heart beat and be totally down with it. Don't listen to idiots. 1
kaylan Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 ^Swap with him? Nah not really. Im not interested in 3 somes or bi chicks. Too much drama based on my experience. And your asking him to dig a grave if you think its better that she only get to pick the girl. That presents a threat to their relationship if his gf picks someone he doesnt like. Then shell bond with the girl more than he will....and that would threaten their bond and therefore threaten the relationship. His goal I believe is to have both him and his girlfriend bond with another chick...so things are on equal footing and stable.
irin Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 its not really much of a relationship if they need a third person to keep them together, there seems so much is missing here. 1
Joaquin Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 ^Swap with him? Nah not really. Im not interested in 3 somes or bi chicks. Too much drama based on my experience. And your asking him to dig a grave if you think its better that she only get to pick the girl. That presents a threat to their relationship if his gf picks someone he doesnt like. Then shell bond with the girl more than he will....and that would threaten their bond and therefore threaten the relationship. His goal I believe is to have both him and his girlfriend bond with another chick...so things are on equal footing and stable. Oh right. Stability is what he wants. With a gf who wants a relationship with him while riding a coked out cocktail waitress. Are you actually serious.
kaylan Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 ^So I guess your just ignoring the OPs posts then huh? He clearly said he had a polyamorous relationship before and that the second woman brought stability to him and his gf. They even lived together. While I do feel its dicey bringing in a third into a relationship...I feel if hes gonna do it, him and his gf should agree on who. That way things go more smoothly.
Joaquin Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 ^So I guess your just ignoring the OPs posts then huh? He clearly said he had a polyamorous relationship before and that the second woman brought stability to him and his gf. They even lived together. No. I think funmike is having loads of fun.
Author FunMike86 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 I would definitely want a three-way relationship like we had with our ex, the problem is finding a girl who will be equally into us both and whom we'll both have great chemistry with (easier said than done). I don't dislike the cocktail waitress girl my gf likes, I find her attractive psychically, but I don't particular agree with her crazy lifestyle and me and her have absolutely nothing in common to even talk about. For example, yesterday we were driving to the beach and they were yapping about what party to go too and I'm sitting there feeling kinda left out of the conversation. I guess if my girlfriend really likes her and doesn't like the other girl, I'll just have to go with it and see if maybe I can convince her to tone down her partying and drinking a bit and maybe get her into some of my interests like sports and outdoor activities lol its not really much of a relationship if they need a third person to keep them together, there seems so much is missing here. We don't need a 3rd person to keep us together, but it does bring a whole new dynamic to a relationship and makes it a lot more fun and interesting. My girlfriend is very into girls and when it was just me and her, she missed being with women (her words - having a boyfriend and a girlfriend is the best of both worlds!). And of course I can't complain - sex never gets boring with two girls
lso802 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Why not both? Would be funny if the econ major and cocktail waitress got together and left the couple.
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