forced to choose

[dinu]

hi my friends,

 

I am going to tell a long story but i want you guys to listen and help me because i feel suicidal at this moment. ok i am going to start from the begining. i am from a asian country and i used to live with my mum and my sister back home. my dad was living in erope country and lets say he never really was in my life. he do sometimes send us money like twice a year and it not even enough to survive even one month. but he call us and he always shout at us even for small things.my mum took care of me and my sisiter very well. my mum is from very poor background and she never studied in her life.but she gave us all the luxeries and she educated me and my sister really well and now we both doing our degrees. my dad suddently decided to take us to erope and we went with him. i regret the decision ever since. my dad used to make our life hell. my mum dont know the language so it was hard for her to find work.my dad always make fun of her because she cant speak and do anything but this is not true because back home she acted like the man in the house and did everything. my dad always shout at us and he is addicted to gambeling. so we never had enough money and he gets really angry and start beating my mum and shout at me and my sister. life went on like that and thats when i met my boyfriend (now husband).

 

I gave my husband everything back then and i really love him. he also loves me. during that time i went on holiday with my mum and sister and i came back to erope before them. my dad found out that i was seeing my boyfriend and that i was sleeping with him and he told me that i am disgrace and he kick me out of our home. my boyfriend came and pick me up and we started living together. but it was really hard time as we both were student at that time. then my mum and sister came back from holiday and they wanted me back home but i cant leave him because i love him and we already started living together. then my mum said come together and because it was hard for us financially we agreed and moved back home. then things started to get changing. my mum used to look after my sister better than me and she used to treat her well. my mum started to say things that are not nice to me and i used to cry and i will go and tell my boyfriend. at one point i started crying for no reason and then my body get so hot. i went to my doctor with my mum and my doctor said i need therepy.but i never had the chance to go but my mum changed her attitude towards me but she never liked my boyfriend.

then time passed by and i got married and i still live my parents.my mum now loves my husband and care for him, he just hates my mum.he never speak to her even if we are living in the same house.then my sister used to see his brother but then my sister ended that relationship and my husband was very angry.now my sister seeing some one else and she is now planing her wedding. when my husband found this out he said my sister is a bitch and that my mum is supporting her and that they always wanted to break our relationship.he now wont let me talk to my sister even a single word. i can only stay in my room and i am only allowed to talk to my mum if she comes to our room and then i need to call him and tell him what we talked about. he hates my future brother in law and dont even speak to him and he wont even let me speak to him.

my husband does look after me well.sometimes he is the best husband you can ever ask for but when it comes to my family he just flip. he just dont understand that i cant just stop speaking to my family because since i was born i only had my mum and sister to speak to and we are really close.

 

so please help me and pleave give your advise,thank you very much for your time

[pteromom]

.he now wont let me talk to my sister even a single word. i can only stay in my room and i am only allowed to talk to my mum if she comes to our room and then i need to call him and tell him what we talked about. he hates my future brother in law and dont even speak to him and he wont even let me speak to him.

 

You are a grown woman, right? So it is up to you to create and enforce your own boundaries. It is up to you to accept your husband "letting" you talk to your family or not.

 

You can abide by his wishes, or you can say "I love you, but I love my family too, and I am going to talk to my mum and I am going to talk to my sister and future brother-in-law, and I am not going to call you every time I talk to one of them."

 

sometimes he is the best husband you can ever ask for but when it comes to my family he just flip.

 

He is not the "best husband", because he is trying to control you. The "best husband" would trust you to make your own decisions and live your own life the way you choose to live it.