recoveringoverlover Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 First time I've posted on here, But I read these all the time. Brief Backround: I've known this girl for almost 8 years now, We've been best friends. We dated for 3 Years.. and in the relataionship we've had trust issues. Just recently she went to see her ex new house and didn't tell me. I found out through mutual sources and I told her I was leaving her and she could be with him if thats what she wanted. She ended up moving in with him like right after me. Heard rumors of them getting engaged... But she started to contact me again. Saying she missed me and was STILL INLOVE WITH ME> I blew it off and initiated NC. She started to email. Now take in mind I am still very much in love with this person that hurt me. She contacted me day before yesterday wanting to get a room. I accepted..like an idiot i would say. BC shes still with this guy?(so she cheated?) She told me her time with me was breathtaking. and that noone makes her feel like i do. But she went back to him. ;( And he doesnt show her love like i do. I just want her to realize Im who she wants.. But I feel like shes settling for less bc she knows she cant be honest with me? or anyone for that matter, Now im beginning to think its because he makes 10 grand a month...Is what our mutual friend thinks too. I just recently talked to her and asked her what am i to you? basically she said I was her " emotional partner."..OUCH> My question is what do i do.. Im deeply in love with her.. And I know im stupid for it.. But I can't help it. What do I do to make her miss me or realize that I'm who she should be with bc I would do anything to her. I feel like a doormat. Im drained and the love I have for her weakens me with every day that goes by. I dont contact her but when she contacts me Im short with her and then she doesnt like it.
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Why fight for someone who takes the actions that she does? What makes you believe things would get any better? 1
LostInLimbo Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I read the first Paragraph and that was enough for me, meabing Trust Issues, once that comes into a relationship, its generally a nightmare.. Best thing is to move on, because it sounds like its stressing you out, do whats best for you, easier for you and simplest for you.... LiL 1
Chi townD Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I just want her to realize Im who she wants.. But I feel like shes settling for less bc she knows she cant be honest with me? or anyone for that matter, Now im beginning to think its because he makes 10 grand a month...Is what our mutual friend thinks too. I just recently talked to her and asked her what am i to you? basically she said I was her " emotional partner."..OUCH> I feel like a doormat. That's because you are a doormat and she's cake eating. She gets the emotional support from you and yet gets to live with the guy that makes 10K a month. Dude, cut her off. Go NC and find a girl that isn't too materialistic and enjoys your company. 1
Author recoveringoverlover Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I thought she did enjoy my company-bc she likes to be with me , tells me she loves and misses me. and im not rich. sh*7 just sucks. im nervous in going NC again.. I may lose her completley. I just want her to drop everything. She told me she was in love with me ?? but she went back to him . uhgh alright, thanks guys
ordinaryguy Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 That's because you are a doormat and she's cake eating. She gets the emotional support from you and yet gets to live with the guy that makes 10K a month. Dude, cut her off. Go NC and find a girl that isn't too materialistic and enjoys your company. I agree with above, shes motivated by money and control. Theres nothing worse than investing time, effort and energy in someone you know and love that isnt feeling it. its soul destroying. Find someone who loves u for who you are. 1
geegirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Thanks for the replies. I thought she did enjoy my company-bc she likes to be with me , tells me she loves and misses me. and im not rich. sh*7 just sucks. im nervous in going NC again.. I may lose her completley. I just want her to drop everything. She told me she was in love with me ?? but she went back to him . uhgh alright, thanks guys You don't make her realize it's you she wants. She has to come to that realization herself. Stop projecting your feelings on her. You don't make her realize she's settling for less. She has to come to that realization herself. Stop projecting your feelings on her. Lose her completely? You have someone that cheats, treats you like a doormat, uses you for sex and an emotional crutch, denies you for not having money and has an incredible sense of entitlement. What are you losing? If you think rationally, you really don't have a prize on your hands. Your heart is clouded. This isn't love. Love doesn't push you away, it embraces you. It wants to be with you even when you have 2 cents in your pocket. NC will either make her realize the value she never knew she had in you or she will choose this rich guy. Either way, you get an answer. Being her doormat, won't change a thing but rather enable her to continually treat you badly. Nothing changes. And from a woman's point of view, we find men who devalue themselves this way highly unattractive. It doesn't help you in anyway when you present yourself as a doormat to a woman. 3
Author recoveringoverlover Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I am as well a "Woman." Not sure if that changes anything other than me being an emotionally supportive person. Being friends with her for 8 years and lovers for past three. Now listening to her complain ab her new beau, telling me she misses me and is in love with me still.. Its hard not to hold on to these things.. But when she got up and left , I realized .. I had nothing to fight for anymore. She knows she can always call or text me and im there. Guess NC is the only way.. Shes gonna flip-sh*^ . When do I know when to stop.. When to answer her, hear her. I love her? ... Im an idiot. Thanks for all your help. NC it is.
geegirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I am as well a "Woman." Not sure if that changes anything other than me being an emotionally supportive person. Being friends with her for 8 years and lovers for past three. Now listening to her complain ab her new beau, telling me she misses me and is in love with me still.. Its hard not to hold on to these things.. But when she got up and left , I realized .. I had nothing to fight for anymore. She knows she can always call or text me and im there. Guess NC is the only way.. Shes gonna flip-sh*^ . When do I know when to stop.. When to answer her, hear her. I love her? ... Im an idiot. Thanks for all your help. NC it is. It matters whether you are a man or a woman. Devaluing yourself is not an attractive trait. If you don't love yourself enough to demand respect, then no one will extend that to you. Of course she is going to flip. She's had you trained to be what she needs you to be in her life. You have become an extension of her. You are an accomplice to her bad behavior. Step away for good and let her find her way. Staying in the forefront is only going to keep her stuck in her patterns, and at the same time continually damage your sense of self. You don't answer her until you are emotionally detached and have completely moved on with your life. It's perfectly acceptable to still love her but not at the expense of being treated like a doormat. You can hide behind love, but it truly isn't enough. 1
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